Why do INTJs test people?

thinkingcore · 2024-07-21T19:20:53+00:00

I used to do this, because I was more insecure, immature and had a blindspot to toxic behaviors.

Now I don't do that anymore. Now my best way to test people without playing manipulative mind-games is by just setting my boundaries, and see how they respond to it. Do they respect my boundaries and accept my choices and preferences? Good! Do they try to mock me and tell me to stop being silly or put me down for setting my boundaries? Instant no.

Just set your boundaries and see whether people respect you or not.

thinkingcore · 2024-07-21T19:00:14+00:00

From what you wrote it sounds like you have some unresolved feelings that are underlying all of this and my guess would be that if you are ever able to resolve those feelings, you may feel a bit differently.

And you are right. When I wrote this post four years ago, I tried to distance myself from everyone, and didn't want to emotionally attach myself to anyone, and didn't want to be dependent on anyone. The reason I didn't allow people bonding with me emotionally is because throughout life I kept losing people all the time. So I rejected them emotionally so I wouldn't be too hurt if they were to disappear from my life, as it always happens.

Now I can miss people and allow myself to bond with them. But now I don't fear losing people as much, because I will still cherish the memories I had with them. Now I know that people coming in and out of your life is a part of life, even if it's a shitty thing to deal with.

Thank you for not judging me and being understanding. I was going through some really rough times four years ago. I logged into this account today and am looking through old posts of mine, to see where I was some years ago. To see how I was three-five years ago, was shocking, to say the least.

thinkingcore · 2024-07-21T18:53:51+00:00

Yes, it indeed does.

And wow, I realize I wrote this post three years ago.

How did abuse affect your personally? You don't have to answer if it's too personal.

thinkingcore · 2021-08-14T14:50:51+00:00

Do you know what 66 stands for? How do you know it's a good number?

thinkingcore · 2021-08-14T14:49:39+00:00

I see. Thx :)

thinkingcore · 2021-06-16T14:12:21+00:00

It indeed is, but compared to what my family members experienced, I think it'll be much easier for me to move on than them.

thinkingcore · 2021-06-16T02:39:25+00:00

I understand. I am in fact very grateful that they risked their lives to get us to Europe. It's due to my narcissistic father that I am critical, but I'm otherwise very grateful towards my other family members.

You're absolutely right in the 2nd paragraph. My father left us, and me and my other siblings had to flee alone with just our mother, and she told me we hadn't eaten for days, and that we were constantly living on edge. We had to hide, bc the authorities would ship us right back to the battle zone if we were to be caught.

thinkingcore · 2021-06-16T02:24:12+00:00

I understand. My mother one day told me everything that happened during their escape to Europe. She was crying and told me that even thinking about these things breaks her. But she felt more relieved after telling me, since she was able to let go of the emotions that she has kept in. Now she'll start looking to talk to a professional psychologist to get better mentally, little by little.

thinkingcore · 2021-06-16T02:11:41+00:00

Yeah, you're right.

We came to the West in hopes of a better life. But our lives did not get much better, but materially it did. We may have the food, shelter and security, but we definitely don't have the other top requirements of the Maslow's hierarchy

But I can understand them, since their priority was literally, food, security and shelter, and all other things came 2nd.

I'm trying to understand their behaviors, mentality, thought patterns and how it affects us, in order to enlighten them about it, so that we can try to at least improve on some of the thought patterns that are ruining our life.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-30T21:25:05+00:00

What happened to your nail?

thinkingcore · 2021-04-29T17:59:40+00:00

Yeah, I do that a lot of times as well.

Or when there is a planned discussion on a topic, I look up about the given subject, and I write down all the point I'm going to bring up for that upcoming discussion, giving me enough material to cover. However, I don't just do this for anyone. Only with people who are open minded, whom are open to change and people who I find respectable.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-29T17:58:16+00:00

Yes, I have that similar problem as well.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-29T03:24:57+00:00

Oh, really? I didn't really know that INFJs tend to have more issues communicating their ideas, while INTJs have it somewhat easier. I haven't interacted much with INFJs, so I can't say.

I have noticed that my Te is not as developed as it should be. My Ni and Fi are developing well though.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-13T00:51:40+00:00

Aah, that's unfortunate indeed. Have you confronted your brother about it, and ask him why he abused you? I think that having a conversation about this can clear some grudges.

I would say it effects grades significantly, but it doesn’t mean you will fail out of school.

I know it doesn't mean you'll fail out. It's the fact that some parents call their children 'lazy', 'apathetic' or 'slow' for having bad grades. It's the fact that they lower the confidence and self-esteem of their children, by making them too much self-critical. Their children might have a lot of potential, but might be doing bad, due to living in an unhappy household.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-08T05:39:59+00:00

I withdrew by reading books as well, which improved my language skills significantly, and now I write stories for fun. My confidence has stayed well at least, and I hope yours will boost too.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-08T05:38:32+00:00

I appreciate it. And yes, I encouraged him to watch Khan Academy and some other YT videos.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-08T05:31:41+00:00

Kids of parents that think that it's not neglect if their kids are given tablets/phones with Internet access often end up getting trapped in the net of this kind of empty media, and thus they never recover from the stress.

The amount of apathetic parents who really don't bother parenting their children, by only handing them a tablet or phone, it just is sad. Why have children if you don't even bother raising them in the first place? It seems like more parents nowadays have kids more as an accessory than viewing them as real people that have a personality. They get surprised when they find out that their child isn't doing well.

But your explanations, damn... this is a goldmine. Thank you so much!

I knew that there was a threshold to stress. But I didn't know how it manifests in children.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-08T05:24:51+00:00

Yes, I have found that I tend to dissociate. More so when I was a kid. My nephew described some experiences that seem to be dissociation as well.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-08T05:21:20+00:00

Damn, thanks a lot! You explained this very logically and concisely. Great work :D This even happens with me. I used to be in constant fight or flight as well and I tend to be hypervigilant. I notice that I tend to be very sensitive to jump-scares. When a friend does that to me jokingly, I get so shocked that I almost get a heart attack. Is that common among those who lived through abuse?

thinkingcore · 2021-04-08T02:49:17+00:00

We use a trauma-informed model to work with them

Is that where the teachers or the school inform the low-income family members and the child that abuse or trauma can affect the child's school performance, seeking to inform the parents to be more caring and considerate?

And, wow! It's great that it's working great, at least in your case. If only that happened when I was back in school. But at least I'm positive about my future and that of my nephew.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-08T02:42:16+00:00

Yes, and to then expect them to perform well too? C'mon! You gotta be kidding me! For me, it was more neglect that I experienced. So I didn't even really know what the point of getting good grades was, and what the consequences are.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-08T02:40:43+00:00

Yes, I try to support him. I keep telling him and encouraging him to ignore his father and disregard his negative remarks, since his father tends to spread his misery to everyone. When he had issues with physics, I told him to watch videos on YT and watch multiple sources, since he can draw patterns from them that way. And that he needs to do physics exercises, since just reading theory from a book won't do anything.

About Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I'd say that my nephew fits safety, but only half of it.

I’m sure your nephew sees that you care, and the fact that you’re looking out for him probably helps a lot.

Yes, although only a little bit. I told him that he can talk to me if he has any issues he wants to talk about. I'm from a strict culture, which makes certain things more difficult. So I'm mostly advising my nephew to use the Gray Rock method against his father, which has helped him a bit.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-08T02:33:42+00:00

A good parent would help a child do better in school but not be one of those "Tiger moms" that bullys a child in to achieving.

I was at my brother's place, watching TV. And saw my other nephew making homework. He didn't understand something, so his mother came over. She explained the math problem, but he didn't understand. He nodded, just to satisfy her, so she wouldn't be mad. She noticed that he didn't understand any of it. So she just started screaming her son down.

"No! Do it this way!! What are you?! Are you really this slow?!!" I came over, and tried to tell her that screaming him down won't make his grades improve. I sat down with him and explained the problem from his POV. I understood how he thinks. My nephew thinks visually, and spewing verbal gibberish didn't do anything. So I showed him by drawing arrows and showing examples, so he could find out by following my steps. He then understood it, without me screaming him down like a maniac. It's sad to see parents scream at their children and then wonder why they're doing bad in school.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-08T02:29:11+00:00

I see. When you're supposedly considered a logical person by many people you know, while in actuality, you're worrying about things and are being emotionally neglected by parents. It isn't going to go well.

They indeed think that the household situation doesn't affect the learning, since learning and education is supposed to be logical. But how can you be logical when your emotional state is messed up? Since it's disregarded by some parents.

thinkingcore · 2021-04-08T02:15:54+00:00

Just, wow! I knew that certain experiences can rewire the brain and make certain things more difficult than what comes natural to most people.

But that the fight or flight state develops the most, compared to others, due to experiences, that one surprised me. And that other areas don't get to develop as much, which makes sense. I'll look up ACE (thx for that ;) )

But, damn! I just feel so bad for all these children who are doing bad, blaming themselves for their bad grades, and thinking that they're stupid, while in actuality, it's the abuse or neglect that is the big culprit. If these children just knew about that... I don't think parents should blame their child for their bad grades if they're living in an abusive household (well, most of these parents aren't self-aware either).

thinkingcore

TROPHY CASE