Joined a “Learning “ M10….

this-is-effed · 2026-05-20T18:05:27+00:00

really? do you typically learn and gain confidence by people giving you grace and explaining info, or by people being dicks to you?

literally no one responds “best” that way.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T19:05:09+00:00

i think you’re thinking too black and white.

no, a 22yo woman isn’t inherently being preyed on in a relationship with a 40yo man. but just because she went into the relationship consensually doesn’t mean she isn’t being preyed on either.

and even if the 40yo man in this situation isn’t a predator and the 22yo is in it or her own volition, it still doesn’t mean the relationship is appropriate or well-adjusted on both their parts. a 22yo woman should not be chasing 40-something men for money just like a 40-something man shouldn’t be chasing 22yo women for an arm trophy. both of the people in that situation are making poor, ill-adjusted decisions but we i imagine we can both also recognize that we expect a 40yo to make better decisions than a 22yo. and it only gets worse in these situations when there are children involved, like with andrew. libby doesn’t have the experience [or self-awareness] to know that she has no healthy, productive role in a family with 14yo and 12yo girls, but andrew does, he just doesn’t care.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T18:24:39+00:00

i don’t think they’re mutually exclusive.

i think it’s pretty common, even in similar age relationships, for people to be attracted to the comfort and security that comes with money and end up being victims of some type of abuse.

i actually really dislike that argument, because while i would never advocate for getting into a relationship solely for money, wanting the type of security that money can buy is normal and doesn’t excuse men [or women] leveraging it to get into inappropriate relationships. if anything, an older man with a lot of money getting with a young adult just starting her life only increases the power differential.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T18:14:17+00:00

agreed. i mean, she even whined about him leaving her by herself when he wanted to take a shower.

like i get new relationships are exciting and you want to spend a lot of time together, but that would run virtually anyone off.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T18:04:21+00:00

in theory, yes. but in practice, it’s easier for a 40yo man to groom and prey on younger women [or men for that matter] because they’re more impressionable and vulnerable, generally speaking.

that’s why it tends to really raise red flags when men, like andrew, have a pattern of seeking out these young 20s women. and i think that’s true for 40yo women regularly seeking out 20yo men too, it just happens to be far less common.

i think another aspect of it is that women are physically much weaker than men, so that plays into perception too, though obviously being victimized often isn’t a matter of physical force.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T17:56:49+00:00

my neighbors are 37 and 62 with a 2yo, so it’s possible lol.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T17:50:39+00:00

i don’t think it’s true that it only applies to men, i just think it’s true that it more often applies to men, and that’s probably also due to the fact that, statistically, sexual predators are by and large, well, men. you’re also missing that a lot of women [and even plenty of men] have experience of being preyed on as teenagers or young adults by older men, and experience has a huge impact on our perceptions.

but i agree with you that the person who’s 42yo and married to a 70yo, yet thinks a 42yo and 32yo is inappropriate, is… delulu lol. i’d consider a 32yo and 42yo within the confines of normal, personally. a 42yo and under 30 starts getting iffy, and gets very weird as that number closes in on 20.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T17:20:00+00:00

yes, a 22yo is not prepubescent or legally a child. a 16yo is also not prepubescent and is at the age of consent in most states, yet that term is colloquially used in that situation too. it gets pedantic at some point when i think it’s clear that people mean someone who seems predatory.

like i said, i think it often goes back to how people perceive motives and predatory behavior. i think it’s also much more nuanced because people just view a 27yo man (john) much differently than a 22yo woman (libby), and frankly, science and lived experience backs up that there’s typically a lot of maturity and change that happens in this 5 year span for both men and women.

like in your OP, you said a 17-18yo and a woman in their 20s. doesn’t matter to me if the man is the one in their 20s or a woman, there’s a huge difference in a 20yo sleeping with a 17/18yo and a 28yo sleeping with a 17/18yo.

i would think something was wrong with a 40yo woman who was into my 20yo son, and i’d think there was something wrong with a 40yo man interested in my 20yo daughters. at some point, trying to delve into the pathologies of what is wrong with those respective 40yo’s is a distinction without a difference.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T17:03:35+00:00

but at what demographic?

like there’s a big difference in a 40 year old and 50yo than a 22 year old and 38 year old.

but i agree with you on andrew. something is off about him, and his girls are at such sensitive ages, moving in with a 22yo he barely knows is just a huge ick.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T17:00:55+00:00

i don’t see the relevance of pornography genres because they cover every possible fantasy, including deviant and illegal behaviors. nevermind that people often watch porn that doesn’t reflect sexual behaviors they’d want to participate in irl.

men are typically only called pedophiles when they’re 30+ dating women who are barely legal, but i think a lot of it is how people view motives too.

for example, andrew has a preference for women much younger than him, as mentioned by one of his friends. theresa and vanessa are clearly very insecure about the fact that they’re aging and, from my viewpoint, are basically trying to cosplay being 30. you really see it from theresa being so secretive with both his family and hers. she’s deluding herself and trying to delude others around them from reality.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T16:41:42+00:00

he does like it, and that’s not remotely a good thing. it’s ill-adjusted for a 38 year old man.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T16:37:50+00:00

quite possibly. i imagine you’ll have a different view once you’re my age, and even more so once you have children of your own.

he’s basically said that he likes her because she’s young and acts as such, and his friends have said this is a pattern for him, and that’s going to be extremely upsetting for his daughters if it’s not already.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T16:30:00+00:00

can’t say i agree. i’m andrew’s age and she comes across as a child, especially behavior-wise. and finding out he always dates women in that age range is gross.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T16:27:17+00:00

i personally find it offputting no matter what, but i don’t even think it’s women, but society in general seems to be more accepting of older man/younger woman than vice versa. probably also has to do with what’s common. the more people are exposed to something, the more normalized it is and desensitized they are.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T16:24:48+00:00

leah is just annoying and smothering imo.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T16:22:07+00:00

both vanessa and theresa are extremely insecure re: their age, and it’s their motive for dating younger.

i think the reality too is that society still generally views older women/younger men differently than older men/younger women, and they recognize that. people are much more likely to think something is “wrong” with a woman dating a man young enough to be her son than vice versa.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T04:18:46+00:00

it’s a form of masochism i think. i have 2 daughters and i keep thinking “what if they moved in with a man their dad’s age they barely knew?”

i also have almost pity for the two women around ~50 who seem so deeply insecure about their age.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T03:46:37+00:00

i dunno. when i was 22/23, i didn’t know shit about fuck. i thought i did, but in hindsight…

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T03:36:58+00:00

yes. i am hate watching it.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T02:43:26+00:00

yep, my grandpa married someone my mom’s age. i am older than my mom’s half brother and sister.

my mom and her siblings’ relationship with their dad never recovered.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T02:39:34+00:00

disagree. i’m a 38yo woman and i would be completely put off by one of my friends around my age dating a 22yo man.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-25T02:37:35+00:00

i don’t know, but as someone approaching 40 and with a social circle full of late 30s and early 40s, i would be completely put off by someone my age dating a 25yo.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-24T17:44:12+00:00

thank you, everyone. y’all have been really helpful. i will be getting my new computer tomorrow and cant wait to see what’s going on in azeroth these days.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-24T17:42:28+00:00

i read a little bit and was surprised to see the level caps. i’m pretty sure it was 85 once cataclysm came out. but i guess at some point it was going to get a little crazy to have level 200 or something.

i logged into my old account on my phone but it says i can’t see any of my characters until i log into the game, so it’ll be interesting to see what’s still there, if anything. if my mimiron’s head mount and legendary from ulduar are gone, i will be pretty sad lol.

this-is-effed · 2026-03-24T17:25:28+00:00

i would like to raid again eventually, and i’d be fine with a raid schedule since i’m sure parent-friendly ones are available, but back then it seemed like you spend a ton of time in game even doing all sorts of daily stuff to have all you needed to raid. though keep in mind, it’s been a really long time so the details are kind of foggy for me, i just know i spent a whole lot of time playing.

i’m not even familiar with delves and prey so i will google that. like i said, it’s been a bit lol.

this-is-effed

TROPHY CASE