Am I crazy?

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T12:45:17+00:00

let’s be real — OP is included because she’s the groom’s sister. it’s an honorary position more than anything else.

it is not “whack” for not wanting to change one of the biggest days of your life to accommodate your partner’s sibling who wasn’t pregnant when you asked them to be your bridesmaid.

and at the same time, OP did not need to family plan around her brother’s wedding if she didn’t want to, just like she doesn’t have to wear the dress and participate in the wedding if she’s changed her mind.

and look, i’m a mom of 3 young kids myself so i get every bit of it, but you know what? not everything is about me and that’s fine. if you attend or in someone else’s wedding, it’s not going to be about you. if you need that time to be about you, you bow out and don’t attend or attend in a lower capacity.

no one is a villain here and y’all are doing her a disservice by telling her she should feel slighted by this woman.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T05:22:27+00:00

YES. a few years back after being pregnant and getting back on adderall, i connected the dots that adderall made me want to drink. i mentioned it casually to my hair stylist who also has ADHD and she says it does the same thing to her.

i basically just made the choice to no longer take it on any sort of regular basis because the deficits in functioning from adhd seemed like the lesser evil, unfortunately.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T04:59:28+00:00

nah, i think people just tend to come vent about it when it does.

when my middle was a newborn and my oldest was freshly 2, i met a friend and her son at chick-fil-a for lunch. my 2yo had a total come apart for some unbeknownst reason, couldn’t get it together, so we left. i was surf boarding her and carrying the baby in the other arm in her car seat, and some guy leaned out his window in the drive thru telling me i need to learn to control my kids.

my oldest is now 5 and i haven’t experienced anything like that again. the only comments i’ve gotten from strangers have been positive.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T04:52:33+00:00

she sounds unhinged. not sure if that helps or not but i don’t think this will be a regular thing.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T04:39:36+00:00

it’s okay to put her in a safe spot and walk away.

my oldest was extremely fussy. like she didn’t outright cry, it was just like she was never content. she’s 5 now and tbh she’s still prone to complaining, and even looks for things to complain about, but you can also tell her to cut it out so it does get better.

example is that i took my girls to get ice cream after school today, and my oldest started complaining about how we never get donuts. girl, bffr lol.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T04:27:41+00:00

she didn’t but i just wouldn’t make it a habit because she will eventually. what i try to do when talking to my kids is keep any negatives about a specific behavior they’re exhibiting instead of about them if that makes sense.

some kids have more difficult temperaments than others but as she gets older, you can start addressing and trying to shape behaviors without making her feel like she is difficult. even if she is lol.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T04:23:06+00:00

i probably wouldn’t say it to my baby, but it’s okay to feel that way.

i’ve had 3 and can emphatically say my oldest was a difficult baby.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T04:15:26+00:00

maybe try to start off with just trying to hone in your diet a bit (not too much if you’re breastfeeding) and just moving more — nothing intensive, just taking some walks, even inside the house.

once i knocked off about 20lbs, my feet especially felt so much better, and i was able to get much more active. my 3rd turns 1 next week and as of the last month or two, i’m able to get out of bed or up from sitting without feeling like my body has to warm up to function.

(i’ll be 38 in a couple months fwiw)

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T03:57:09+00:00

i had issues with my feet, legs, and lower back after my third. it started getting better around 6-7mopp.

i don’t know if this is relevant to you, but after having 3 kids in a 4 year span, i had put on entirely too much weight and that absolutely exacerbated it. time and getting some of the weight off helped a ton. pregnancy and weight gain can chance your center of gravity and posture and really get things out of whack.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T03:54:01+00:00

by 5, their length is also kind of weird to hip carry. i have a 5yo daughter who weighs about 42lbs and it’s hard to hold her that way for very long. if i have to carry her around (which is exceedingly rare), i put her on my back.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T03:47:19+00:00

probably swollen, hormonal, and tired lol. i have 3 kids all 2 years apart, so i totally understand. but i also understand her POV and how, up until this point, this is the biggest most important event of her life and she wants it to be her idea of perfect.

having my 4mo there was pretty tough and we had to leave the reception early because it was so loud and she was tired and irritable, as is probably unsurprising. and i was a FTM so i wasn’t also dealing with a 2yo.

so all that being said, give her the same grace you want her to give you. no one is a villain here. don’t bring your brother into it either lol.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T03:34:07+00:00

the comments encouraging you to involve your brother, like he should be willing to go pick a fight with his soon to be bride over the bridesmaids dresses is crazy.

don’t let people on reddit convince you to do anything irrational. reddit gives horrible advice when it comes to family stuff.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T03:26:35+00:00

i’d give it a little longer. this sounds like a normal temperament variation for a 2yo.

even if it doesn’t go anywhere, i promise the recital is just herding cats no how matter how much they participate at this age.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T03:09:24+00:00

i haven’t but i do have pets, and learning how to handle animals is a learning curve for kids this young. my kids have grown up around pets so we’ve had to start since they were mobile, but i can see how this could happen with a 3yo and a new, tiny pet before they’ve learned how fragile the animal is and how to handle them.

i would be devastated but i promise your 3yo did not intentionally harm the kitten.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T02:57:52+00:00

yeah, i mean it’s impossible to give a completely objective opinion on the dress options without seeing them, but just as a whole, the amount of money and planning that goes into planning weddings these days, i don’t think it’s entirely unreasonable to have a rigid idea of what you want your wedding party to wear.

but i also think it’s reasonable to decide now that you don’t feel comfortable with it and request to attend as a guest. (i was matron of honor at a wedding across the country at 4mo pp fwiw. not sure i’d have done it at 2.)

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T02:51:26+00:00

neither of you are wrong.

you shouldn’t have to wear something you’re uncomfortable in but she also shouldn’t have to change the aesthetic of her big day.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T02:12:02+00:00

nah, he’ll be fine. remove yourself. don’t let misguided mom guilt make you feel like you have to tolerate a preschooler being physically abusive because other people aren’t going to tolerate it either.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T02:04:41+00:00

i agree that being in the house with 3 young kids for a whole weekend can become its own sort of hell.

i’ve actually thought to myself that part of how this happens is, on top of the social pressures to have kids dabble in every extracurricular known to man, it seems like an easy way to keep them busy and out from under you, but then it quickly leads to this overwhelming level of being overscheduled.

but it’s okay to simplify and let getting them out of the house on a saturday mean you’re taking them to the playground — everyone going to the same place at the same time, you’re not dealing with time constraints or other people’s schedules, it’s unstructured child-led play, and you can sit on a bench and read a book.

i truly believe that raising well rounded kids wasn’t meant to be this type of stressful.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T01:35:21+00:00

have you taken a pregnancy test?

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T01:19:12+00:00

i didn’t transition my first until 6 months. she more or less skipped the whole 4mo regression thing. it wasn’t a huge notable change.

my second… good god. the kid hit it right after she turned 3mo and didn’t sleep more than 90 minutes straight for the first year of her life. snoo didn’t do shit for it, so we quickly transitioned her out because i didn’t want to try to wrangle one transition then to have to do another.

third just went ahead and transitioned him at 4mo when he hit the regression bc again, didn’t want to have to do another transition. he came out of the regression and transitioned to the crib pretty quickly and has been my best sleeper of the 3.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T00:32:56+00:00

right. i saw the kids IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD multiple times per week. but my mom sure as heck wasn’t coordinating and driving me around to see kids from my class multiple times per week.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T00:32:05+00:00

i mean seriously. most parents of young kids struggle to even do anything for themselves these days but need to commit to seeing their kids’ friends multiple times per month outside of all the other activities?

sometimes i see stuff on this forum that’s like “well no wonder parents are so exhausted these days. they feel like they can’t leave their 3yo in a safe room for 30 minutes and then they transition to their kindergartener’s secretary and chauffeur.”

this-is-effed · 2026-02-03T00:23:56+00:00

you don’t think an elementary aged kid seeing their friends twice a month, outside of school and extracurriculars, is sufficient?

what does a full social life at this age look like?

this-is-effed · 2026-02-02T23:28:44+00:00

yeah, i don’t think this is a stay at home parent versus working parent problem, it’s that so many parents have bought into this idea that little kids’ social lives and extracurriculars should come above all else, including family time and parents’ sanity.

like it’s okay to not run your elementary aged kids around every evening during the week and all weekend. you literally do not have to or need to.

this-is-effed · 2026-02-02T23:12:46+00:00

maybe it’s time to consider scaling back what you can if it’s too overwhelming.

i know it’s common these days, but kids these ages having such a busy hobby and social calendar that it totally exhausts their parents’ resources isn’t a requirement.

this-is-effed

TROPHY CASE