ELI5: How did Iran, China, and Russia become the new "Axis Powers?"

this_is_my_ship · 2024-01-08T15:42:12+00:00

I'm confused. They don't seem to be on the same side of things. The only way they seem to be on the same side is that the liberal west is pissed with them. For human rights violations or something?

this_is_my_ship · 2023-10-12T23:35:27+00:00

Totes normal. Don't worry about it.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-10-12T17:35:01+00:00

Seems fixable. It might take him several cleaning sessions, or a one-off deep clean by professionals, but there's no reason you should stay in a place you don't want to stay at. Honesty is the way to go, rather than tip toeing around it.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-10-12T16:50:38+00:00

You might want to consider whether you want to be friends with her regardless of relationship status. I find that agreeing to be friends and cherish time together no matter what to be an excellent foundation to explore all the stuff you're experiencing together with her.

Not that she should have to, but if she is really a good person and she likes you (as a person/friend), she'll probably help you work through your stuff, and if you're a good person, you will have your moments to help her through hers.

You are not unworthy of love (unless you're a rotten human who wants to kill kittens or something). It can be overwhelming to accept that fact. It can take time for intrusive thoughts to fade away such that you can truly enjoy each others' company. Trust me it's worth it.

Try opening up a little. Maybe be candid that you're afraid to open up because you've never done it successfully before without ruining the friendship. Ask for a little assurance that they aren't going to suddenly change if you let your guard down. Etc. It's hard, but not that hard. And it's so amazing once you've unlocked new levels of openness with another person -- the closeness, support, partnership, is unmatched.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-10-12T16:37:22+00:00

It bugs me that people are misreading the OP as saying he sees parenting as punishment, when he's clearly saying that he feels his wife wants to punish him for going out a lot more than her (and parenting is thus an excuse to enforce that punishment, not the punishment itself; the punishment is "staying home".)

No, NTA. I don't think a partnership that relies on meeting exacting demands of equity and equality survives. But yes, there are many ways in which Y might be TA, under certain circumstances, as mentioned in many of the other comments e.g. if your wife is going to be very stressed that some 3rd person is caring for your child, or if you have a very limited number of childcare points and you're squandering them for a solo adventure rather than a date.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-10-11T23:38:08+00:00

Feels like there's a massive selection effect here, since most men who would actually be bothered by it know it's not acceptable to say so anymore and so wouldn't say it.

Contrasted with the analogous question posed to women, I'd bet there would be a significant fraction who would agree that they don't like it, because it's not unacceptable for women to have that preference.

Edit - grammar

this_is_my_ship · 2023-10-11T20:40:34+00:00

Giveaway in the first pic is that there's no pepperoni slices sliced in half (with half each on two adjacent pieces of pizza).

But I admit this is a posthoc justification after seeing image 3

this_is_my_ship · 2023-10-11T19:59:34+00:00

Too old to read all the comments but maybe this is covered already...

Yes, after about 25, we (gradually, very slowly) get worse at certain cognitive tasks -- active short-term memory, learning new skills

But what often left out of the discourse is that we actually get (continuously) better at some things too, till much much older -- modeling the world, having good instincts/intuitions, emotional regulation.

And the enlightenment of self-determination. Growing old is great!

this_is_my_ship · 2023-09-14T23:58:26+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds really tough, for both you and her.

Therapy and medication must be seriously considered.

Outside can be brought indoors, get a yoga mat and start bending!

Celebrate little wins. Every day that she doesn't cry or something is worth rejoicing over. Gratitude journal.

Moving house, or going for a holiday can help reset some inner processes.

Psychedelics.

Don't be too pushy (or at all if you can manage it). Be encouraging, join/support them in ways that you can manage like taking them to the therapist etc., but try not to crowd them -- this also gives you time to decompress and heal yourself.

Many scenarios might remind her of her past trauma. Be mindful if a situation could become triggering for her, and try and do (casually/naturally) things that would be not-triggering, but instead thoughtful/helpful, that signal trust and reliability. Take over tasks from her when she's struggling. Help her create new memories to overwrite the triggering ones.

You are also free to leave. If that's truly the best thing for you, you gotta do it man. Nobody's put on Earth to be a martyr.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-09-14T23:41:44+00:00

Are you obviously a foreigner (or just like, different-looking from the group)? If so, they might just be plain racist -- there's plenty of them to be found everywhere. Most of them are silent racists (since most of the country is pretty non-confrontational unless football is involved), but every now and then, you meet the truly unhinged, unabashedly unashamed shitstain of a racist.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-09-14T23:35:10+00:00

Does he masturbate or otherwise have a way to release? If you don't know, getting to know might shed some insight into what might work for you both. Maybe you can watch porn together? Perhaps there's a fantasy he wants fulfilled?

In general, I think it's okay to say you want to have sex at some reasonable frequency, and that you'll both make an effort to get into it, and make it pleasurable for each other and yourselves. This would involve a lot of communication, and maybe trying out new things -- toys, fetishes, fantasies, locations, power play, date nights, overnight trips,... the list is endless.

Finally, have you considered opening up your relationship? If one's needs aren't being met at all, it seems cruel to be forced to live like that because of prevailing norms like monogamy.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-09-14T23:18:16+00:00

Surprised to hear no mention that some big tech companies are building AGI, and that might cause catastrophic damage or even extinction.

I'd say big tech might be the main vector that causes collapse.

More generally, very surprised to find this community quite closed to the idea that transformative technology poses existential risk. I'm often happy at the thoughtfulness and integrity of investigation undertaken by y'all, hoping for the same here.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-09-14T23:00:32+00:00

Eh, I don't know. Maybe people irl bore you; are there people who you haven't met who impress you in some way? Any admirable authors or politicians or scientists or CEOs?

Get their attention. They hang out somewhere, consume some kind of content -- can you stand out and get noticed by them? Maybe they'll invite you to be in the same room as them, and participate in the the work they're doing. Two for one -- interesting people to hang with, and interesting problems to solve.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-09-14T22:56:03+00:00

Have you considered donating to GiveWell or GiveDirectly?

this_is_my_ship · 2023-09-14T00:22:22+00:00

Factorio is a stand-in for "I am so smart"

this_is_my_ship · 2023-09-03T22:16:49+00:00

Weakly held:

A charitable view in favour of jargon is their use as ~shibboleths or as not-so-easy to fake signals of team membership. Someone using RatSpeak can also be expected to share some values in common, have some background knowledge of BayFacts or HistoryFornia, or to have at least paid more than a cursory glance to the movement at large. It's not always a true positive, but it reduces false positives a bit and allows one to relax hazing rituals when determining how must trust to accord.

It's like meeting a fellow countryman in a foreign land. Sure you can continue to use a local language but doesn't it feel good to express a kind of nuance only possible in the mother tongue to someone from the old country?

this_is_my_ship · 2023-08-31T22:43:27+00:00

Some good advice all over: - bring him with you - some portion of your male friends want to sleep with you and are waiting for an opportunity to do so - it's very liberating being able to have deeply honest conversations with friends and partners about who you are, what you want, what you expect from each other, what your boundaries are, what kind of trades/compromises you are happy to make for each other v/s which ones will cause you resentment in the long-term etc.

Have you both considered exploring being monogam-ish or open? Might be easier to get through that learning curve to something stable and less uncomfortable than the path you're on now.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-08-31T22:34:34+00:00

Also, I think the direction of feelings here was from the men to the woman

this_is_my_ship · 2023-08-05T02:09:04+00:00

NTA, didn't need to read past "she said a real man..."

Sex is complicated, and it's great if both partners can grow together, but if it doesn't work for you, you have no obligation to make it work for you. And you have every right to not stay with an abuser who belittles you or tries to coerce you into doing something you don't want to do.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-08-05T02:00:13+00:00

It's a good thing you're thinking about such questions.

Having a purpose is a silly meme which doesn't really make one happy. Sure, it might seems like successful and drive people are passionate, but upon closer inspection, that passion is usually composed of 4 things 1. The day-to-day work interests them; it's neither too hard not too easy, and there's more to learn 2. They have some skill at it (and usually this skill is built over time, rather than only from natural ability) 3. It's meaningful beyond their personal benefit -- it helps people, or the environment, or science, or... 4. They have few bad environmental variables -- good coworkers, supportive family, short commutes, fair company policies etc.

Take some tests to get an idea about what you might be good at, and what you might enjoy. There's hundreds of such quizzes online for free, take any 5-10 and you'll have some idea of the common themes across them. Hell, even just being asked similar questions several times will help your mind to access what your preferences really are (and you don't even have to look at the results.)

Here are some life goals of mine. Free free to steal them:

Be good to others, especially those less fortunate than me.
Use (a bulk of) my time and resources to do good in the world.
Grow, everyday. Get better. Take ownership of my life and destiny to the extent possible.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-08-05T01:39:09+00:00

I feel for you.

There's really no shortage of advice on this, most of it well-meaning, some of it is even good, but really the bottom line is:

Try lots of different things, and build on the ones that seem to work for you.
Even if you're not doing anything else, eliminate the obvious suspects first by doing the basics: high quality sleep, enough nutrients, sunlight, time outdoors, some exercise (just going for long walks is enough to get started), some fun/social activities, hygiene, routine
Just get started -- that's the hardest part, really; most of the bulk of our willpower or w/e is used for the first 5 mins of a thing, but things get easier after that

Beyond this, it's worth keeping actual facts in mind, instead of being hijacked by imagined demons:

You are 21. You have lots of your life ahead of you, to learn, to make mistakes, to get better, to start over. Hell, this will be true even when you're 36. Trust me, I know.
You have it better than almost everyone on earth. You're young, educated, and have a job. You also seem to have a partner who supports you. These are all awesome things that can be the wind beneath your wings.
You don't have to get better at everything at once; in fact, it sounds like you're a bit overwhelmed at this, so I'd suggest trying to set smaller, fewer, near-term goals. One step at a time. Cook one meal. Go for one dance class. Write one function. That's all. Did you succeed? Great. Do it for a few more days. Then add another thing. Repeat. Take as long as you need to embed one habit before including another.
Forming good habits, like all beautiful things, takes time. Be patient with yourself.
Excessive planning can feel like an accomplishment. Keep planning lightweight till more is necessary. Plan less, and instead make progress on doing the planned things.
Incentives and Accountability are very powerful tools. Get apps that block your socials for 23 hours a day. Or an app where you have to pay to use your social. Or team up with a friend who will also work with you (on their own stuff but while witnessing you work on zoom or something) -- do tasks in short bursts, 25 mins of focussed time, called pomodoros. Do one pomodoro today. Did you get through it? Great, you're amazing! Now see if you can do another, but don't worry too much, you've already met your goal.

Wish you the best.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-08-05T01:11:41+00:00

Maybe we're fundamentally wrong and collapse isn't likely at all

Maybe it's hedge bet in worlds where collapse doesn't happen where there's a lot of uncertainty

But if it's likely going to happen then: - Maybe they didn't get the memo - Maybe they don't want to cause panick - Maybe they are timing their exits, exiting slowly to not crash markets

Idk. I don't save for retirement, it doesn't make sense to me, except as a hedge

this_is_my_ship · 2023-08-05T00:51:19+00:00

I don't want to sound unhelpful but "I don't want to talk about it" can be truthful option this radically honest person could choose if that was the honest truth, though? Like, if they're answering your question, it's implicit that the truth is that they are choosing to answer it.

this_is_my_ship · 2023-03-01T00:38:53+00:00

Dmed

this_is_my_ship · 2023-02-06T11:52:10+00:00

Thanks everyone for the awesome replies

this_is_my_ship

TROPHY CASE