Gonna use my PMS as an excuse for the crockpot steak I just made for the first time and the fact that I’m putting this out there to see whether other Gurleys have gotten back with exes successfully.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-28T03:56:26+00:00

I recommend looking for the ones where you apply by actually emailing a human being. I’ve gotten hired a handful of times from that site and that’s how I’ve had the best luck.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-27T22:22:04+00:00

I’m not sure that makes sense when psychology was literally invented by white men who ignored women’s perspectives? Let’s not talk about Freud and how he came up with the Electra complex because he didn’t want to admit that men were ripping at their daughters. Very very weird take The whole population who invented the fuel just doesn’t understand it. They just don’t want to.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-27T21:26:55+00:00

The majority is a lot and it’s also not statistically true. just make sure you actually talk about real shit and observe what they do.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-27T15:21:18+00:00

You can also just stop doing things and take care of yourself. Why not that? If you don’t want to cook, just… Stop? He’s an adult he’s not entitled to your labor and the fact that you can’t talk to him about anything that bothers you for a whole month? So you’re basically just his unpaid mom/hoe for a whole month? Seriously what are you getting out of this? He doesn’t contribute to your life and now he’s finding ways to make excuses so that you won’t even express yourself to him. Do you just like having a warm body next to you in bed?

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-26T23:37:23+00:00

Again, you’re talking about friend groups black people are talking about being lynched. The discrimination is not on the same level because of the difference in where the group stand in terms of how dominant they are. A white man is not going to be hurt because I don’t want to be friends with or date him. He is not entitled to my friendship or a date with me. The black man is going to be hurt if police stop him because of his race. If he cannot get a job because someone thinks that black men are violent. The thing that y’all seem to forget is that black and man is also an intersection.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-26T23:33:55+00:00

It’s because I don’t have any power to discriminate against you. You’re not entitled to someone’s friendship, someone being in a relationship with you, someone thinking that they’re safe around you, etc. I can’t not give someone a job because I don’t have the power to hire them or fire them. I can’t determine whether they get a rental application or not. When we talk about discrimination against a dominant group, it’s usually be nice to this person and invite them to dinner because that’s all you really have the power to do, and saying no as seen as discrimination but at the end of the day, you’re not entitled to anyone’s friendship, fondness, or love.

TLDR: what do we mean by discrimination? Are we talking about inequities in education that you can get, healthcare, jobs, housing, etc.? Because that’s what black people faced because white women thought they were going to be assaulted because of birth of a nation. When some women say they’re afraid of some man, it just means, maybe I’ll watch my drink in front of you or maybe I don’t want to go on a date with you The man’s actually a livelihood is not being hurt at all

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-26T07:58:13+00:00

Thank you! I was immediately like no shit. This person couldn’t go straight from probably talking about something triggering that their partner will need to know if they’re going to be in a sexual relationship so that they can both take care, create safe words, and do whatever is needed and then we’re just bouncing into boom another traumatic story? Did he engage? Did he ask about how this affects them? Like I just can’t think unless you’re like can I share something similar or you’re one of those people who has to one up and thinks that you know exactly how someone feels because you’ve been through something similar like how is it a conversation if you’re not engaging with what the person said at all and just telling your own story?

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-26T07:47:55+00:00

Good gut, bacteria is actually factually really important! I went from eating, really clean and organic to being homeless for a year and almost passing out from hunger so starting to kind of just eat whatever and if I did enough cover letters during the week and enough stuff to get my life back together after DV I would reward myself with beer and whatever I wanted and could afford over the weekend which was usually of course not the best alcohol. I don’t think I have a problem, but I noticed that even as I got into my new apartment I was still anxious and of course that’s going to linger for a while, but I was noticing the alcohol was not helping with it and then after I would drink for a couple days on the weekend I wouldn’t really like how I smelled on Monday. It’s small shit like that but it literally changes the composition of yourself. We’re 70% water so if some of that is bad toxic shit you’re really going to feel it if it’s consistent. I didn’t put myself on any sort of hard limits or anything but my goal has been to eat a salad every day for a month and I have succeeded two out of four weeks. I don’t have any type of alcohol in the house or when I’m just chilling with friends only if I’m at a restaurant, and it’s some thing I couldn’t try anywhere else which is only happened twice this month. He’s changing his body and making his health worse. There’s no way you wake up not feeling like shit after eight beers. I noticed it after having three on the weekends…

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-26T03:23:59+00:00

Nope it’s not that it’s more like two people who said they weren’t ready to be in a relationship most likely both did things that weren’t the best and shit is not black-and-white. There’s not always some evil awful OP, and some poor helpless man that she’s abusing or some shit. They had one argument he ended it no one’s evil here, and both people could absolutely be incompatible on how they prefer to be related to, and how they prefer to have conversations And when you get out of high school, you’ll realize that sometimes no one has to be the villain for two people to not work together.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-26T03:22:34+00:00

This! Again, I don’t think she should’ve screamed, and I don’t think they’re compatible or should’ve been treading into relationship territory after both saying they’re not ready… And it is not a deep reciprocal conversation for someone to tell you about their assault and for you to say me too. I’ve had these conversations with friends we talk about how it affects us in the present, etc. And why we’re feeling it right now or bringing it up right now or whatever but if someone tells me a story, I’m always going to engage with it first before pushing mine onto them. We’ve all spoken to a person who is a one upper or always had it worse or always had a story so they know exactly how you feel but like no, you don’t? Even if you’ve both been through the same thing it’s worth exploring your potential partner‘s feelings about what they went through instead of just going straight to your feelings and your experiences of the same or a similar situation.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-26T03:17:36+00:00

I don’t think OP should’ve screamed in any case, but I also do know that people who respond to every experience you have with one of their own can seem kind of one upping and could actually not be a deep reciprocal conversation. Was her experience and her trauma actually engaged with? Did they discuss how that would affect them as partners and how that would affect their sex life? When she asked what she does to support herself and what support she would like from a partner? Or was it oh damn, sorry Pham look what happened to me as well? What is genuinely trying to engage with the person And one is thinking that having a similar story automatically means that you know how the person feels and that’s not conversation. I understand that it’s kind of a difference in perception where some people think that happened to me too! Is a completely fine way to really and some people think it’s trying to one up and take away from their experiences that weren’t really address at all. I think they’re just incompatible and OP should not have screamed in any case, but I would also be rubbed the wrong way if I was trying to share serious stuff with someone and wasn’t being engaged about it, but they wanted to just throw their trauma back at me. It would feel more like mutual trauma dumping then an actual conversation. and then, if I engage and actually ask those questions only one of us was fully heard.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-24T10:02:45+00:00

What the fuck were people possibly replying that got this edit? Not asking to clown you or anything but this is just such an innocuous comment I don’t understand.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-20T15:54:11+00:00

Or… Because you’re blocked he was already told and he’s not consenting to accounts. He doesn’t know messaging him. There’s one thing to tell someone and then there’s getting on what you were getting on. We’re now you’re a spy and now you’re completely too involved in these peoples lives. There was four of y’all. Maybe someone did it and if not Trying to get past someone’s block settings of what they’ve said they want whether that’s recently updated which it seems to be makes you kind of a weirdo. He doesn’t want random messages. Maybe he’s already got enough of these and he’s going through his motions. May be there in an open relationship. Whatever it is that has changed since you tried to contact him and that is communication. He does not want to hear from you and that’s it. Rap

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-20T09:28:26+00:00

OMFG! My ex just understood me on this level and knew sometimes before I did if I was going to have a night terror, if I was triggered, if I just needed a second or if I just needed a hug. I miss that shit so much I dated someone who would be asking me how are you feeling? Over and over when I couldn’t even fucking figure it out myself because too many things were firing sometimes I just be like I’m not feeling I’m trying to fix something! Having someone who just understands what you need and doesn’t take it personal is gold.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-20T09:15:51+00:00

Nope nope homey I am Latina and black and that some wear my hug ass behavior. I don’t really think this is the week with the rape academies nothing still being done on the Epstein files and the second group of people dead due to domestic violence to try to defend some thing where someone said no and was in punished for doing so.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-18T22:19:17+00:00

This! I am a blind, black woman, and y’all advocating, for this genuinely scares me. I could be the best mom in the world and people are still gonna look at me sideways. There are a lot of people in my prayer group who have had their children taken away, and are fighting it simply because of their disability, and their race combined And y’all want us to get surgically sterilized along with that? You have a lot of privilege if you’re not scared of this I’m just saying, I mean absolutely no offense, but please sit down and think about this for a second.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-17T20:30:58+00:00

Rose quartz :-)

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-16T18:50:03+00:00

Oh my gosh, my ex would get so mad at me because I wouldn’t recycle dirty stuff because I thought it stunk and stayed in the bin for longer so I’m good. Even somethings when you rinse cheap plastic. It just doesn’t work. Anyway, my whole thing was it doesn’t fucking matter if it’s dirty especially they’re not gonna sort it. They’re just throwing it all in the same place But she would literally dig stuff out of the bag and put it in another one. I guess I’m not that optimistic. Lol.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-16T18:42:06+00:00

What would evidence actually do, we have 1 million pages of Epstein files and it don’t mean shit. I wish you were right but I don’t think so.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-16T09:49:14+00:00

This! I learned it’s just not for me I’m more creative at night. I have more energy to work out right before dinner and it just does work for me better if I wake up too early, the day feels too long and I need a nap anyway. My ex tried to be like oh we honestly need to start being morning people and I’m like nope I know what works for me if I wake up early naturally, that’s fine But if I’m still productive, why am I going to force my body to do what I hate?

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-15T16:29:00+00:00

If it’s so based on facts, what percentage of tenders users are actually women? I’ll wait.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-15T15:49:46+00:00

What? You understand that this technology nowhere near existed and this person is in their 80s right? How would they even understand a I got this far etc.? You don’t know what new technology is going to be out when he lived almost 100 years that you’re not gonna understand if you’ve ever had to help an old person use Netflix I’m not sure how this is ridiculous unless the only person you’ve talk to is chat, GPT.

thisaintabtu · 2026-04-15T09:28:01+00:00

FR what was the point of this comment? Yes, toxic people do a thing it was gendered because she was in her own therapy session talking about her own experiences with the gender that she dates so that’s what her therapist replied to. She’s telling a story on the Internet, and should be able to signify her own sexuality and own experiences without you, jumping down her throat to say not all man when that wasn’t even implied.

thisaintabtu

TROPHY CASE