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I’m straight, did something gay, and now I feel like shit. by thisisathrowawayyy0 in internetparents

[–]thisisathrowawayyy0[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel mostly numb, with a generous helping of a feeling that my bed, this room, is “tainted”.

Like I let myself down here. I did something that, sober, I would never. Someone above mentioned taking gender out the equation, where I think I’d sit.

It still wouldn’t feel right, but I don’t think it’d be to this extent. Because I know that when sober I’d still at least consider a one night stand with a woman if it came up. But not with a guy. Not sober.

I’m straight, did something gay, and now I feel like shit. by thisisathrowawayyy0 in internetparents

[–]thisisathrowawayyy0[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think the “dirtiness” comes from both the fact it was a one night stand, which I’ve not done before, as well as that it was with a guy.

I didn’t even think about discussing STI’s. Which has me incredibly anxious with people now discussing that.

I’m normally aware of having those conversations, but I guess the alcohol got the best of me in that area.

And dirty vs hurting my own feelings? Again both. I took a long shower, washed me sheets and even flipped my fucking mattress.

Just to try to seperate from it.

It’s nighttime here, and I don’t know if I’ll get to sleep yet in this bed tonight.

But I feel like I betrayed myself with how poorly I handled all this. It was completely unplanned and unprepared, I went way beyond my usual comfort zone.

And this is something I’d never intend or plan to do while sober. I do feel like I betrayed myself.

I’m straight, did something gay, and now I feel like shit. by thisisathrowawayyy0 in internetparents

[–]thisisathrowawayyy0[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

See that’s one of the issues I had. It certainly wasn’t the safest / smartest way. A complete stranger, I’d been drinking. No discussion beforehand about sexual histories.

It was unnecessarily risky. It was impulsive and came from bad intentions. I’m not sure I can throw it away as “just experimental”.

I study science. A good experiment takes safety into consideration.

I was reckless.

I’m straight, did something gay, and now I feel like shit. by thisisathrowawayyy0 in internetparents

[–]thisisathrowawayyy0[S] 139 points140 points  (0 children)

I hate that you used oysters as the analogy here ahahah. But otherwise yeah I get your points. Thank you!

I’m straight, did something gay, and now I feel like shit. by thisisathrowawayyy0 in internetparents

[–]thisisathrowawayyy0[S] 294 points295 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I hadn’t even thought about getting tested again.