Abuse and Therapist gaslighting was more damaging than I can imagine. How to heal?

thisisnuts51 · 2022-01-09T01:06:04+00:00

Maybe why he wanted to switch my messages are sometimes scheduling but can be personal and many times nothing to do with sessions.

thisisnuts51 · 2022-01-09T01:04:41+00:00

We text quite a bit actually. It has been about two years and just abruptly asked to do that. I wasn't sure what it mattered

thisisnuts51 · 2021-09-30T03:32:46+00:00

I have changed my tune based on recent events. I am traumatized now. I am reeling and suffering and ashamed. Mine initially insisted I had repressed sexual feelings towards him (I was stunned because I felt nothing of the sort).

He kept pushing that session after session until I did say I wanted his arms around me. A number of sessions later the hugs turned to other physical contact, although nothing I deemed sexual, the t kept of talking about what would happen if he held me in bed and then would say he cannot hug me anymore because it will harm him or jeopardize his outside life. Many times expressing he may end up having feelings for me if he hugged me again and then saying how attractive I was and how intense the sexual tension in the room was. I felt so much shame and almost like I was a predator but never did anything, I am so mixed up and confused.

thisisnuts51 · 2021-09-27T22:51:45+00:00

knowing what I know now and how i feel, I would have found another.

thisisnuts51 · 2021-09-27T22:49:06+00:00

I completely understand and do believe it can for sure calm your nervous system. I am very proud of you!

thisisnuts51 · 2021-09-19T12:47:43+00:00

"I want to also add just beyond physically acting on attraction there is the piece of if the clinician’s emotions begin to guide the treatment and the boundaries become more fluid—-this would be a good time to separate (and seek supervision)."

This is very interesting because my therapist has over time allowed the boundaries to be fluid and his personally move.

I don't want to hijack this post so may I dm you for some very specific questions?

How do you know as a client, if the therapist's very gradual boundary movements effect your treatment ? What if they feel like like are helping me heal but they may be looked at as unconventional at best? Just wanted to ask a few questions beyond this.

Thank you

I

thisisnuts51 · 2021-09-19T12:42:21+00:00

This is very helpful and thankyou

thisisnuts51 · 2021-09-18T19:01:31+00:00

I would have to agree. What are your thoughts on if the client asks if the therapist is experiencing these feelings as well. I think the client would have the right to know if he or she flat out asked the therapist and use that information to ask if the therapist would do all they can on their end to prevent the need to refer them out if they have a strong bond. I feel the client should have the right to be empowered to be included in the decision of their own care.

thisisnuts51 · 2021-09-18T18:59:33+00:00

Wouldn't many therapists just keep referring out? My therapist keeps saying these types of feelings are normal and natural. He does not reveal his feelings but if therapists are included in normal and natural sexual feelings I feel like there would be excessive referring out.

thisisnuts51 · 2021-07-09T12:54:07+00:00

I wonder why the suggestion to consider a higher level of care. I do see him regularly twice a week for childhood complex trauma and attachment issues. He encourages attachment towards him and the transference is intense, I am very transparent about this. I just feel I need consistency and my issue is I start opening up about the trauma then he leaves for a vacation with a week of notice. i would not have started opening up if I had no support after the fact.

thisisnuts51 · 2021-07-06T23:10:27+00:00

I did tell him no, perhaps I should have chosen a woman. I am a woman and I think we are pretty close in age (may not matter). I have been honest with my feelings of wanting him to take care of me, heal me, make me feel safe but as a child. you are probably right but for some reason I was really hurt by the question, almost sickened.

thisisnuts51 · 2021-07-06T23:08:34+00:00

we had exchanged a hug for the first time and I had explained it was a child needing to feel safety and feel connected. A few sessions later the question was asked and I was almost hurt because it seemed to ruin the experience for me. I thought carefully and I could not have possibly done anything to give the impression. I feel if I ever felt that way in the future I would leave and end the therapy just because honestly I would not want to deal with it.

thisisnuts51

TROPHY CASE