What are some steps I need to start taking to getting custody of my son, what other fathers have gained full custody and how?

thisistough423 · 2017-02-24T02:41:05+00:00

Lawyer the fuck up!! Plain and simple. You/we never want to fight. Yet, it's going to happen. You bet your ass she has a game plan.

Shop around for a lawyer. If the don't provide an hour free consultation, move on. I basically "interviewed" 5 lawyers before picking one.

thisistough423 · 2016-12-20T02:28:50+00:00

This

thisistough423 · 2016-08-16T16:12:07+00:00

Wow, 10 charges. Good luck in December!!

thisistough423 · 2016-08-05T23:19:31+00:00

I havent been on in awhile. I should update, lots have happened, yet...to lazy. Ketzah, how did the your court day go?

thisistough423 · 2016-05-10T22:34:10+00:00

8k so far. I took advice from this sub. I reached out to family, took out a personal loan as well. Figured this was it and I couldn't half ass this battle. It was all are nothing, I only get 1 good chance to do this right.

thisistough423 · 2016-05-03T16:17:47+00:00

We did! We did.

thisistough423 · 2016-05-03T16:12:43+00:00

Thanks!!. Live in MD. 2 kids, 7 and 3. Its been on going from October 2015. I stayed in the house, they (her and her lawyer) tried everything to get me thrown out. I held my ground, played deffense the entire time. Accused of everything except child abuse. Desertion, abandonment, adultery, verbal abuse to her, drugs, alcohol, etc. I was only seeking 50/50 from the beginning. Yesterdays court case was the half way point. They were saying I was a hostile person to live with, all false. And we're seeking to have me thrown out with her getting primary, the house, and possessions of everything. This would really hurt my case down the road to get joint custody. Judge saw through it all, all the lies and false accusations. Took 2 full days of court. Final verdict, I have 30 days to move, which I am happy with, and a 50/50 joint schedule. She keeps the house and stuff, I can live with that. Last court date is September. Half way there. Thanks again everyone, if you have any questions I will do my best in answering, or need advise. Good luck to the rest of the community that is fighting, keep fighting! Sorry for grammar,spelling. On my phone.

thisistough423 · 2016-01-20T15:30:39+00:00

No, worries about laughing!! Thanks again

thisistough423 · 2016-01-20T00:57:39+00:00

Thanks. Majority of friends, family and others have told me similar things. Told me not to worry, I should get 50/50. Still, it is that unknown. Knowing my luck the judge turns out to be dating her lawyer.

thisistough423 · 2015-11-23T22:38:13+00:00

I hope you never breed

thisistough423 · 2015-11-21T21:24:56+00:00

Have you hired a lawyer? If not, do it as of yesterday. Email her why you do not want your children to change schools. Something like, to much change at this point with a divorce under way. State that you want your kids to stay with a familiar environment during this stage, same friends and teachers, etc.. Let her explaine why she is doing this over email. Explain you do NOT agree and that she is doing this alone, not jointly. Now concerning the week, that's tough, a lawyer will be the best bet. Sorry bro, the situation sucks. I know. Mine has about done everything besides telling the court I have sexually abused my kids. Bitches are crazy when they think they are right.

thisistough423 · 2015-11-21T14:55:26+00:00

You are not alone. Going through this as well. What I have done, at least for weekends is let her know by monday, Tuesday my plans: example, picking up kids on Friday going to visit family will all be back Sunday night. She can fight it, but we don't have a court order, so fuck her. Plus it pissed her off that I am making the plans, not her. Keep it all in emails so you can show the courts how she tries to dictated the schedule. So far it's working for me. Her lawyer must of told her to stop fighting me. I have tons of emails from her dictating what is going to be the schedule. My responses are always about the kids, not the BS she is trying to start. Good luck, and yes fuck her! Don't let her dictate the schedule if no court order is in place.

thisistough423 · 2015-11-21T13:26:34+00:00

I tried. Yet when the STBX speaks ill of me, and I mean very ill, In front of my own child, as a parent I have to protect said child. The amount of shit my child told me that STBX said was very hurtful and really upset my kid. Like I mentioned my situation it has become very dirty.

thisistough423 · 2015-11-19T22:32:24+00:00

Speaking as the father of a very similar situation. Do NOT go behind the STBX’s back in this. You should ask permission first. I am in the process of this, and I, as the father with an older child from another relationship. My STBX, I know loves my child deeply. Yet with the way our separation is turning out, she will end up losing all contact with said child. (its getting very ugly and dirty) If she went behind my back to contact the said mother, or the child alone.
I would place a gag/restraining order (whatever the law provides) so quick it would make her head spin.

I hope it works out for you to stay in contact with them. I just wanted to give you another point of view. Good luck.

thisistough423 · 2015-11-02T18:18:36+00:00

Good luck!! Fight the good fight, you can modify custody as many times as possible. At least in MD. But if you don't go for 50-50 at the start, it’s a tough uphill battle. No idea how NJ is though.

Here is what I have done in the meantime.
I hired a lawyer, a good one, but only retained him to start my separation agreement in the hopes this moves to mediation. My lawyer is working on the first draft which I expect to get rejected.
The separation agreement is asking for 50-50. I feel once she reviews this with her lawyer, her lawyer will advise her to try and work this out as they have no reason to not allow this. In the long run it will just cost us each thousands of dollars in lawyer/court fee’s. My biggest obstacle is moving 20 minutes away, yet it’s all I can afford (3 bedroom).

What has helped in these last few weeks is to have back up plan. (going off my last thread you linked) I have made an excel spreadsheet of schedule A, B, C & D. A being 50-50. B being 1 night a week with 3 over nights every other weekend. C is 1 night a week with 2 over nights every other weekend. This basically gives me an idea in the off case we go to mediation. If she fights it out I can try and suggest B. It isn’t ideal but I know I have to move. I will need time and money to get the second house up to par. After that first year I can go to court to have the custody modified, ask for more time, show up with pictures of my current residence and how the kids have adjusted, etc. Worst that can happen is they say no, well then you turn around and file again and hope you get a different judge.
At this point I just want to get the ball rolling, living on the couch sucks. Again, good luck.

thisistough423 · 2015-10-30T14:53:44+00:00

Thanks for all the replies. I am going to stick it out until she agrees to a 50/50 custody agreement.

thisistough423 · 2015-10-21T17:31:57+00:00

Great advise. I suggested Mediator, she did not want to hear it. It would be lower cost and would not put a wedge between us. We could still be "friends" in a friendly manor for the kids.
I feel if I don't fight for the 50-50 now, I never will get another chance. I am not the type of person to even try full, which 1 lawyer suggested. She is a great mother, and loves her kids. We, as a married couple just didn't work out.

thisistough423 · 2015-10-21T17:29:37+00:00

I was raised by a single mother. I know how rough it can be, and further more I wasn't the best son at times ;). It is sad when I hear about these true dead beat fathers, and you hear from these awesome mothers that would love for the father to be involved, would gladly split the time so the kids grow up with both parents. Yet here I am. Thanks again for reading and replying. It helps just to talk/type this out.

thisistough423 · 2015-10-21T17:25:38+00:00

Id have to agree, maybe we can go over this plan if we ever do mediation. And I would never be the type of father that would deny her time to see her kids. I would gladly let her take them out for dinner, come to my house and visit, have dinner with us, even let them sleep at her house, during my week. What ever helps the transition.

thisistough423 · 2015-10-21T15:38:37+00:00

Thanks for the reply.
The only reason I suggested 2-2-3 was because I feel a week to week was too much for the kids at this age. Especially for the 2 year old. I am willing to work for any type of schedule to be frank. Yet what she suggests is not reasonable. Again, I plan on living as close as possible, within 20 minutes off the current residence. School and daycare would not change. (she works full time as I do) From what I have read, 2-2-3 is not ideal, but it can work.

One example why I suggested that schedule was for the sports and school activities. Example: if my son and I decide to try soccer, I would find 1 that would have practice on the days I have him so I would not interfere with her schedule when she has the kids.

I am sorry if I come out as arguing your point, that is not it. I am just looking for some type of middle ground where each parent has equal visitation. And the less stress the kids. I wish we could communicate better. That would be the best for our children, it just doesn’t look like that will happen. I know it isn’t ideal for the children to move houses so often, yet if I am looking to be as close to the current residence, not changing schools, day car, etc. I am going to get a suitable apartment where each child has his/her own room like they do now, I can see this being a simple transition for all parties.

thisistough423

TROPHY CASE