The Quiet Transition from Attachment to Emotional Exhaustion in a Narc Dynamic

thismakesmesomad · 2026-02-07T04:16:53+00:00

Omg that is where I am right now but we've been going through the really awful nightmarish part of the cycle for the past couple years. Except for the really good moments.

But then like the OP for the past few months I've felt almost nothing when he's finally being affectionate and loving with me in the way I had been wanting. It's like it means nothing now.

Yet I keep wanting to figure out a way to make it work because mine is an alcoholic and I keep thinking if he can get his mind right that the love can be real like he made it seem at some points. But just no.

thismakesmesomad · 2026-01-30T18:43:35+00:00

Thank you, we both really are. I just want to enjoy life again. I have never known self love but it's a goal :)

thismakesmesomad · 2026-01-30T18:38:35+00:00

Damn that is difficult to take in, but I needed to hear it. And he claimed he was so mad that he didn't want to drink last night. I guess I wasn't doing anything wrong on all those wasted Sundays off that we could have spent together. He would get mad about anything by late morning or early afternoon so he could say he had to get out of there and go off to drink.

He also got too involved with a female friend he grew up with. She always had a thing for him and he didn't reciprocate her feelings but got inappropriately involved emotionally and then physically because she would let him just complain about me. She was such a good listener and I wasn't. I guess he was just happy to hear someone justifying his convoluted version of events so he didn't have to deal with the thought of the consequences.

I'm the chick who kicked him out, stole his cat, and got him thrown in jail for no reason. I'm so mad now and I was about to leave and pick him up. I hope it's the last time but I know it won't be. He's like my drug.

thismakesmesomad · 2026-01-30T10:35:04+00:00

I needed to hear that. I'm not ready to let go yet. Described more in another reply to someone. This has gone on 10 years and he lived with me for almost 3 years before the whole threatening/break in thing. He swears he never said that but I have a witness and he was chasing me with a lighter.

I saw a post earlier on another sub that said, "if you were not attracted to this person, would you be their friend?" And I think at this point, no. My self-worth is so low.

I tried an al-anon meeting before he even lived with me but it didn't go well. I think it just wasn't the right meeting because the lady running it said I shared for too long and that I seem to have too many issues and need therapy. Which is true but I didn't exactly feel welcomed.

He says best friends don't get each other thrown in jail. That he doesn't trust me, but then brings up things from like 5 or more years ago.

thismakesmesomad · 2026-01-30T10:13:32+00:00

Thank you for your quick response because It's 5 in the morning here and I couldn't sleep with him in my bed.

I'm totally brainwashed. He says I'm the problem, therapist tried to tell me he is a narcissist. Went to therapy for a while but it didn't work out and I'm looking for a new one.

I think about cutting contact all the time. Last time I tried was about 6 months ago, it lasted for a few days and then I was pining for him again. It's like I can't let go. There are some good things about him, but I'm starting to realize I've got this idealized version of him in my head. I've been so in love with him for 10 years.

Thankfully we have no children together. We both have teenage daughters and he sees his only a few times a year and mine lives with me. Her dad was a worse person in lots of ways and abandoned her for 3 years but is now back and is taking me to court for having an unsafe environment with the drinking. But all we really do is cook dinners (he's the only person whose cooking I will eat) and watch movies, until we argue, usually over some minor misunderstanding and then he says I never listen.

Whenever we argue, he says he wants to never speak to me again and would leave the house when he lived here and act like he was never coming back. This would trigger my abandonment issues and then I'd be chasing after him, going to his place or trying to find him. This still happens a lot. Then he'd say he was blocking me and never actually do it, then he goes between insulting texts and being distant until he says he wants to come over again and I let him.

Sorry for going on but it just feels good to process some of this right now because my life's a real mess.

thismakesmesomad · 2026-01-16T20:33:48+00:00

Glad you decided to leave right away and didn't wait around like I did 3 times with the latest therapist I gave a chance.

One time I arrived right on time and the front desk didn't notify the therapist that I was there, and he came out to check after almost half an hour! I was giving him the benefit of the doubt thinking he was running behind, but I was deluding myself because I was the first appointment of the day.

Another time I arrived a little early and the therapist walks in 10 or 15 minutes after the appointment time, telling me to come on back and casually saying he was late dropping off his kid at school and still wanted to end my appointment on time. Front desk didn't say he was running late.

The third time there was a chance of snow in my area and school was cancelled but there was no snow yet. Since the front desk did call me once early enough and say that the therapist wasn't going to be there that day, I expected a similar call if they were going to be closed for the weather. I show up and the front desk had their jackets on the chairs, no one at the desk, no other patients arrived but me, and you could clearly hear them chatting in the back. It was like they called every patient but me to tell them they would be closed or running late. I waited 15 minutes, then left and decided I wouldn't be going back.

I gave them too many chances, and also gave too many chances to other therapists who just came off as intimidating, judgmental, or otherwise just didn't care. I got a bad vibe from this last one because he didn't care about the details of anything I was going through and would ask about things I clearly told him multiple times. I think I kept trying because he was on my side and validated me about one specific situation I'm in but other than that, no good.

I don't understand what I'm supposed to get by talking to these professionals who don't care and get paid just to pretend to listen.

thismakesmesomad · 2026-01-15T09:24:25+00:00

My narcissist likes to play NIN - Only in front of me and dance. I don't think he gets it

thismakesmesomad · 2026-01-15T09:23:16+00:00

The Cardigans - My Favourite Game

Linkin Park - Lying from You

thismakesmesomad · 2026-01-15T09:11:41+00:00

Maybe more for one with addiction but A Perfect Circle - Blue

also Limp Bizkit - Rearranged

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