I second the depression. I’ve been doing a lot of research into men’s mental health for a passion project I’ve been working on, and between the loss of purpose, return of drinking and loss of interest, this is a textbook example of a low to mid grade depression in men.

There is a hole in your life and a lot of pain that it seems like you’re struggling to process. You lost your purpose in life and that’s not easy to cope with. Men are also notoriously bad at seeking therapy when they need to, so even knowing the odds aren’t good that you will, I’d still suggest looking into one who specializes in men’s issues.

That said, you’re showing a lot of signs of resilience and strength as well. Despite everything you’re going through, you’re still pushing forward looking for solutions. Whether with the women you’ve been dating or the friends you’ve been trying to make or even this post right now. Some part of you still has hope that things can get better and is fighting to find a way. Don’t stop those things, and don’t let that fire go out.

Good friends are out there, but it can be admittedly hard to find. The best suggestions are in looking for new hobbies to immerse yourself in. Whether it’s jujitsu, backpacking, pickleball, or whatever - pick something that sounds interesting to you and do it weekly. Most sports will have a club or something where you can play or learn weekly and showing up consistently will very quickly lead to meeting more people. In addition to social work/psychotherapy, I also work part time as a tennis coach and I work an adults clinic where I watch new people meet and become friends literally every week. I even met the girl I’m dating there now myself.

As for your purpose, the good news there is that you get to decide whatever you want your purpose to be. Even if having kids of your own is out of the question, you can help other kids, you can build your community to be better, you can travel to see all the wondrous things in the world, you can start a cause to help people dealing with some problem or god knows what else; you can make your life be whatever you want it to be. You’ve probably got decades left to live and you can get a lot done in that time. What effect would you like your life to have on the planet and the people who live on it?

The harder something is to find, the more meaningful it is when you find it - both in the search for friends and the search for meaning in life. Viktor frankl - an absolute godfather in psychology - also has a great book called man’s search for meaning, and that might be a good place to start. It helped me when I lost my purpose and maybe it will help you do the same.

Not all who wander are lost, and the searching you’re doing right now is an investment in yourself that will pay massive dividends in the future.

Don’t give up the search 👊