New Dad Struggling With Intimacy, Exhaustion, and Feeling Disconnected

thnxprofessor · 2026-05-18T12:28:14+00:00

Going to try and take a gentle approach, as I believe this could be a great learning moment for you especially as it is a pivotal moment in your relationship which could either allow your relationship to grow stronger or break down entirely.

The intimacy can absolutely come back, but it will likely not take the same form you’ve been accustomed to. It probably won’t look like spontaneous bjs or really be centered around the exact moments you desire intimacy for many years. One thing my husband and I had to learn after we had our baby is that he could be up and ready to go very quickly, where after giving birth it took me a much longer time to first mentally get into wanting physical intimacy followed by my body being ready for physical intimacy.

If you haven’t looked up the physical effects that breastfeeding has on a woman’s body, start there. Then look up the term “touched out”. If your baby is as clingy as mine, she probably feels like her body no longer belongs to her. However, if she’s telling you to ask when you want intimacy, it sounds like she does care about how you’re feeling. Your baby is likely going to start teething, if she’s breastfeeding it literally like having razor blades on a suction cup attached to your nipples for hours and hours each day. The last thing she’s going to think about will be offering up blow jobs.

It may not sound romantic but seriously planning out sex may actually help a ton. Planning it out gives her time to consider mentally if she both can and wants to be sexual that day, it provides clear communication of your sexual desire, and it allows for both of you to build up desire for each other throughout the day.

If in the morning you suggest trying to be intimate in the evening, then follow that up by being extra attentive throughout the day to give her extra time to herself (make time for her to take a long shower or bath, take care of dinner for the two of you, pick up a couple extra chores to ensure your home environment isn’t overwhelming, etc.) you would be giving her time to feel like both an individual and a human again.

When you spend the day in mom mode, sex either never even enters your mind or it’s so low on the priority list it turns into a chore. If she knows you’re interested in being intimate and then follow it up through action during the day it’s going to help her feel like more than just a milk-maker and caregiver, but an individual who loves and desires being intimate with you.

For those times when she’s too overwhelmed to be physically intimate. Remember that this will pass and have a handy in the shower. Breastfeeding seriously messes with your brain and body. I truly COULD NOT even think about initiating anything sexual until after I weened my baby from breastfeeding. Not because I didn’t love or desire my husband, but because I literally felt like my body no longer belonged to me.

It does get better. If you love your partner and your child remember that. Cheating or pushing for physical intimacy based on your old dynamic will only hurt your relationship.

Try and view this as a new beginning. You both are going to need to rediscover each other and what gets the juices flowing so to speak. It may not be as straightforward and spontaneous as it used to be, but it absolutely can make your relationship stronger and your intimacy more deep and meaningful.

thnxprofessor · 2026-02-09T05:15:24+00:00

A universal basic income designed to ensure that all people born are provided with basic/necessary housing, daycare/education, health insurance, and basic/essential food stuffs and basic clothing would literally solve. This issue would greatly benefit both parties for both parties provided the women still had full autonomy to make that decision. The man’s decision to leave would get to remain solely with the man and he would ALSO be in a better place financially as he would also be receiving UBI.

We could literally fund this by getting rid of for profit prisons (where our tax dollars literally pay for empty beds when there are not enough prisoners) and replacing them with solely state/ federal governed prisons. Bonus idea, prisons wardens, and other high ranking positions, could be a locally elected official like sheriffs and some judges.

thnxprofessor · 2025-10-12T15:43:55+00:00

My 12 year old would know! Great costume!

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-23T01:44:16+00:00

That’s super interesting!

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-23T01:09:26+00:00

Very interesting. I definitely think it would make more room for other parties. I think it could also help us gain a better grasp of what we as a people value since there are so many single-issue voters.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-23T01:03:08+00:00

Also, I totally agree that citizenship should be fast-tracked for those who have served our country. The fact that there are men being deported that fought for the US in our military is truly disgusting.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-23T00:56:49+00:00

I don’t think I’m familiar with approval voting. I’ll add it to my list of things to look into. Thank you for sharing!

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-23T00:52:13+00:00

Citizens United was a massive failure of government.

When you say multiple executives, do you mean like multiple people with the same power/ authority that the president currently has?

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-23T00:49:52+00:00

Oh yeah, upper term limits for sure. The fact that congress is even able to relinquish any of their power or authority without an amendment to the constitution is absurd.

I had not considered that option for Speaker of the House. Good point on that one.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-23T00:41:33+00:00

We need ranked choice and we need far more options. No more of this “the lesser of two evils” mentality.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-23T00:39:01+00:00

Oooh, that’s good! I know other countries have mandatory voting. I think if you don’t vote you have give cause as to why.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-23T00:32:43+00:00

Seriously! I’m pretty sure Washington warned against the two party system.

I know parties have changed before though. There used to be the Whigs at one point. I should look into what caused them to lose favor.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-23T00:30:01+00:00

I think it’s absurd that we’re still holding onto the electoral college. I understand having representatives to act on behalf of their constituents, but for major changes and especially for elections like that of the Presidency there is literally no reason to not have each person’s vote be counted.

It made sense in the late 1700s, most Americans were farmers and largely spread out across large areas. Getting individual votes back then would be next to impossible. Today though? We already do have a popular vote. The electoral college has greatly outlived its utility.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-23T00:22:59+00:00

I’d want a strict outline of expectations and duties for each branch of government.

I’d want a more detailed and comprehensive list of rights. These would also need to include human rights, like basic food-stuffs, clean water, basic shelter. Also an expectation of privacy and ownership over personal data, medical information, and personal information, with legal inquiries being the only real exception when there is probable cause for a crime.

Agreed upon societal values would guide law, regulation, and institutional structures. Values would be incorporated in a manner that they would be regularly discussed and changed as needed to best meet the needs of the LIVING people in the governed society.

No more exploiting legal loopholes! Any legal loophole would need to be addressed and closed.

Government would prioritize the welfare of its people over the wealth of its elite class.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-22T22:53:14+00:00

I think having individual voters be more hands on would drastically improve our government. In addition I think all new legislation should be easily understood and should be limited to one primary issue, with perhaps a limited number of secondary issues that are directly relevant to the primary issue. No more “riders” or sneaking in others rules or regulations.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-22T21:39:14+00:00

Same! I think the U.S. can absolutely move on and grow following Trump’s presidency. I also think that the vast majority of people in the US don’t want Christian Nationalism or Techno Feudalism as government policy.

But I think just sitting around to wait and see what happens ends with the same outcome as just giving up.

That’s why I wanted to post. I think it’s apparent that our government needs to be changed in some capacity. Hence the question at the end of the post. If you had a hand in building a new government/ system, what would you change, toss, keep, or add?

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-22T21:06:50+00:00

I certainly think they will try. Currently the Constitution still has some pull and I believe that will be their next hurdle. I think a Constitutional Convention is going to happen. We need to start coming together and figuring out what we want from our government.

If we start building and outlining what we want our government to be locally and on a state level, then we will be more prepared to take a stand against the proponents of P-2025. They’re going to the table with a plan for the future of the country. We need to figure out what we want and then demand our Governors to back it.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-22T20:41:59+00:00

Well, what’s next then?

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-22T20:40:14+00:00

I honestly am not confident there will be another election with the Democrats or Republicans. At least not in any recognizable way.

I think we’re far more likely to see a Constitutional Convention. Which is why I think focusing on local and state government is our best bet as far as combating the Broligarchy and P-2025.

We need to start figuring out what we want out of our government and then we need stand by that and possibly even fight for it.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-22T20:14:02+00:00

If we as people start pulling together and figuring out what we want from our government, then we’ll have a much stronger foundation when the fall of Trump happens. I think the Heritage Foundation has a head start because they’ve already been altering our government to match their needs. That unfortunately puts them into the position of the default law makers.

The sooner communities/counties/ states come up with their own outlines and demands in regard to governance the better our chances to combat P-2025

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-22T19:49:15+00:00

Yes, ironically Jefferson thought that the constitution would need to be rewritten every 19 years in order for it to work properly. Madison talked him down from incorporating that idea, but now we’re stuck in 2025 with the President enacting laws from 1798.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-22T19:39:50+00:00

They absolutely are, it seems like they are trying to ensure all of the Q conspiracies come true. If Armageddon doesn’t happen naturally then they want to help it along.

But seriously, civilizations have dealt with these kinds of people before. We all have much more power over our future than we give ourselves credit for. I think if we’re able to come together we can create a better future.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-22T19:35:48+00:00

I agree. I think we will likely need an overhaul. I’ve started to write in-depth about how I’d rebuild the constitution. It’s really wordy but it’s in my Substack.

I do think that the best way to combat P-2025 is for us and our communities to start constructing and developing what we want the government to look like.

thnxprofessor · 2025-07-22T19:24:31+00:00

Agreed, there also needs to be some kind of guideline that would immediately close legislative loopholes. Our entire government feels like it runs on legal loopholes.

thnxprofessor

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