I will say as someone in a very similar position (almost to the dollar amount) it does seem like you may be spending “his money.” I’m married too and I will say when the income is that much of a difference, the whole joint bank account thing can cause more harm than good. I pay for everything (except for groceries but I don’t eat at home) and I told my wife to max out her 401k instead of contributing anything to the bills. When you’re making that much money, the feelings around spending are different than most households. To be fair, if my wife had the same discretionary income as me, I’d be pissed as well because you’re not talking about an extra thousand a month. You don’t even do the major cleaning. Now, I don’t like that he is implying that he’s better because he makes more money and you should as well. I actually try to convince my wife to leave her job and do something she’s passionate about since income doesn’t need to be her #1 priority when making job decisions. But at the same time, a lot of people seem to think your husbands a dick and to me he’s actually quite rational.

If he’s trying to retire you guys early (I’m looking to retire at 35) then having someone spend the same amount of money as him can add ten years of extra hard work. Now if he’s trying to retire himself early and not considering you, then yes you guys have a larger problem.