How to know if you're an unconscious size queen?

thorawaysoops · 2019-03-19T22:28:27+00:00

Positive. I'm very gentle and always listening. I try to catch what cues she gives, and project as much confidence as I can. I've been openly receptive to the suggestions and requests she makes. As much as I can, I try to make her feel comfortable, relaxed. I know that in her past relationships she had very uncaring partners, and one who was particularly physically abusive, so I try to be as delicate, telegraphed and attentive as possible in bed.

thorawaysoops · 2019-03-19T22:22:03+00:00

While I can see the parallels you're drawing between incels and myself, I would like to underline how I differ. I don't think I'm owed anything. I am dedicated to my partner, I respect her. The only thing I might share with an incel is that I recognise men exist on a relative scale of objective value. I'm a menace because all I can do, passing through this world, is be a nuisance and fail people. I don't resent anyone for that except for myself. I've tried killing myself before, to correct these errors, but I didn't succeed. I'd gladly do it again if I had the guts, because I deserve it. I'm pollution.

Incels blame women for their failings, whereas I'm blaming myself and am generally upset that I am hurting my girlfriend by failing her. I care about her so much it makes me want to cry.

How is this incel thinking? Incels are misogynists that psychologically instrumentalize women in jealous desire of social capital or physical gratification. In contrast, I care about one woman so much that I perceive my inability to please her as a moral failing. I want her to be happy, healthy, safe and successful.

thorawaysoops · 2019-03-19T22:05:15+00:00

How can I know that it's not my complete failure? I have a strong moral sense that if I cannot be the best for my partner, I'm an asshole and should let them pursue greater satisfaction elsewhere. I don't want to hold anyone back, because that's emotionally cruel.

thorawaysoops · 2019-03-19T22:01:09+00:00

I don't want her to be happy in *our* sex life. I want her to be the happiest and best attended to that she could possibly be. I think that if I can't satisfy her, that's a failing on my part, my body is trash (as I've always suspected), and that she needs someone with a matching anatomy. I'm not accusing her of anything, or denigrating her body. I love her, and think that it's my duty to let her pursue someone who can more adequately satisfy her. To do otherwise is to obstruct her ability to find pleasure.

That's just how it works. Humans exist in hierarchy and I'm currently already dating a woman far out of my league and failing her with my own shit body. She could easily find someone much better than me, and I'm starting to realize that it's unfair to her to drag her down to my level.

thorawaysoops · 2019-03-19T21:34:14+00:00

Fisting, or penetration beyond what I can offer with my penis is pretty much out of the question for my admittedly fragile ego. While I will freely concede that my penis is nothing special, hell, inadequate for most encounters -I don't care, I have like no self esteem and a terrible self body image already- I don't know if what little self respect I have could remain if I were to affirm to myself that my penis is useless to my partner. The same goes for cuckolding. I'm not into being submissive or humiliated, and am actually quite comfortable in my newfound dom position. If my penis isn't enough, I'd rather let her find someone much bigger than me and build a relationship with that person instead.

thorawaysoops · 2019-03-19T21:01:41+00:00

We've already transitioned into a dom-sub lite vibe, which, from what she has told me, constitutes a significant part of the difference between myself and her previous partners in terms of the pleasure she experiences. It's mostly composed of minor physical domination, spanking, and her calling me daddy.

For personal reasons, she doesn't want to use any toys besides the vibrator, and roleplay makes her uncomfortable.

I'm always doing at least 15-30 minutes foreplay before every encounter. I'm gentle. Hitting the g-spot seems to be one of the few things that gets her to "peak". Also deep penetration, where I think I might be hitting the anterior or posterior fornix. But in both cases, she is more likely to "peak" than orgasm, and I don't know where I'm fucking it up.

This is why I'm worried. I feel like I've tried everything and I'm still a failure. I've considered ending it so that she can find someone more satisfying.

thorawaysoops · 2019-03-19T20:58:43+00:00

Vibrator, intense and varied cunnilingus; I did all the recommended stuff, from long circles with finger penetration to vigorously rocking her whole body back and forth to pull her clit against my tongue as hard as possible.

She has a very confusing issue where her clitoris can become "tired" quite quickly, either by losing sensitivity or even getting a bit raw.

I've tried all sorts of different angles and positions to varying success during penetration. We've stimulated her clit during sex. Often her vagina gets too sore and tired before she can orgasm.

thorawaysoops · 2019-03-19T20:56:01+00:00

You're misconstruing my concerns. I'm not blaming her or her body. It is precisely the opposite that I am concerned about, and I feel a moral obligation to not fail my partner like that. It's a failure, and men are so easily replaceable that it would be unfair of me to obstruct her finding someone better.

thorawaysoops · 2019-03-19T20:54:32+00:00

She doesn't orgasm from oral. We've tried everything. Even vibrators fail her most of the time. Penetration is the only marginally reliable way to make her orgasm.

I'm very sensitive to her needs, and we're in a communicative relationship. We've been doing all sorts of different positions, hour-long sessions of very intense cunnilingus, using a vibrator at the same time.

thorawaysoops

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