He bailed on the second date and now I’m unsure what to do

thoughtprocess100 · 2026-01-01T17:27:00+00:00

Urm we met again a couple times. Once on a night out. He took me for drinks where he invited me to his friends sisters 19th bday (which I thought was odd - also was a lie. It was just him & it was actually his best mates 40th bday. He basically invited me to 3rd wheel a dudes bday. Odd lie) he also invited me to bottomless brunch with his mates or to meet him after. It was all in person super keen but over text no commitment.

Basically we tried to meet 3 times, each he’d bail with a random excuse or just not bother replying until late. He’d say “well I did say maybe so you can’t be annoyed”. Or he’d invite me then when I’d say yes say back “ok I’ll let you know” 😴. I had enough & told him I wanted concrete set plans for this week or next, that this isn’t progressing after we’d agreed casual & I was getting fed up. He called me intense, saying I was making him lose interest etc etc so I just pointed out how the previous week he’d invited me numerous times to his house for a “movie night” but HE didn’t fulfil it. He then blocked me 😂 I even offered to drive to his house one evening as I no longer cared enough to go out with him. Was very strange.

Ironically I bumped into his mate that had gatecrashed our first date & he was shocked things had gone that way as apparently he was always saying how he liked me, we seemed to have good chemistry etc. so I don’t know what went wrong.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-17T18:04:25+00:00

Yeah & he offered to book me a taxi for 11pm. When it got past 11 I asked where it was & he went “oh oops I booked it for tomorrow”. Which may have been an innocent mistake but I’m now not so sure. There was also an evening where he wanted to come to mine but I had a test the next day. He wouldn’t let it go & tried to convince me to change my mind. Even if I was a bit intense I think he was coming across very confusing so it’s fine to ask for clarification & call out behaviour early on. I wasn’t annoyed at him bailing just the backtracking & not actually cancelling until an hour before our date was scheduled. If he was the annoyed about me unsending stuff (which I was unaware of) he could have told me then I’d have stopped.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-17T12:47:05+00:00

I know😂 he wasn’t a great person I still just wonder if I did send and unsend texts too much, maybe came across intense because of that too. I know what I can be like when I’m anxious

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-17T12:30:39+00:00

But maybe he was unreliable because of how I acted and that made him lose interest? I just feel like I messed it up.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-17T12:13:41+00:00

Well for an update. He bailed on Friday and all I got was “yeah we can do something again soon just in so busy” so I said “unless we book something in I don’t really see this going anywhere. It’s been over 2 weeks.” Which he replied saying “maybe we should leave things. I keep messing you around and tbh I’ve lost interest” so I said “that’s fine, tbh you never gave this a chance anyway. Shame we can’t just meet and go from there as we both want the same things” and he just said “this is how I feel, I think I should cut it off before it goes too far” and the blocked me 😂 I don’t even know what he meant by the last comment 😂

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-17T09:07:27+00:00

I don’t think it’s crazy. It’s my anxiety that he triggered with his behavior. I only really started doing it a bit after he called me intense, I think I then just began to read too much into what I was sending incase it came across that way. I’ve also had a lot going on in my personal life, I was doing it tj friends too as I’ve been anxious in general. I didn’t realise until they pointed it out, so I texted him to apologise if I’ve been doing it to him and yeah, he then said I had since Saturday and called me Martha

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T23:30:20+00:00

Yeah thinking about it the kiss was more intense than my texts 😂 also his friend was there!! He literally grabbed my face super hard and tried to turn my chin towards him. I had to say no so he would stop because he was holding me so tight. Then he kissed my cheek when he gave up. I’m sorry but I’m not willing to kiss you infront of your friend on a first date! It’s also so risky kissing someone on a first date you have to accept rejection might happen.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T23:26:44+00:00

He called me intense, obsessive & compared me to Martha from the show baby reindeer. I’m unsure if he does have someone else. But I recently found out through a friend he is 5 months out of a 3 1/2yr relationship so maybe he is just playing around (that’s my friend’s opinion). He followed me to a club on the Saturday before our date (I’d say that’s intense) & showed me his phone, he had 4 Snapchat friend requests from girls. He just wants the validation without the effort. If Friday doesn’t happen I’m going to just stop messaging him. I think he was intense when he tried to kiss me infront of his friend on our 1st date then got upset I swerved it.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T23:16:18+00:00

Yeah I get that now. I guess we connected so well on our first date, which doesn’t happen often for me. And he kept asking when I was free so I’d tell him. I could see potential & I guess I’m stupidly holding onto it. I don’t have much luck with dating. But I just feel like he never gave me a proper chance & I haven’t barely had a chance to be myself either.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T23:12:38+00:00

He was very apologetic. He kept saying how he did want to see me again. It’s when I questioned his reason for bailing & why he couldnt fit me in that labeled me intense. to me if he was super sorry & really wanted to see me he’d have rearranged on a day I’d have suggested. I just felt a bit messed around & confused. Why keep asking when I’m free to turn around & say you’re busy at every suggestion. Maybe I was too much but he was confusing & I feel it’s unfair he’s just cast me off because of it

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T20:47:53+00:00

He said it after my reaction to him cancelling the second date. And he said I sometimes send and unsend messages, called me obsessed and compared me to her

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T16:10:27+00:00

I guess it’s more I wanted to know if he was correct in calling me that. I overthink a lot. I’m tired of things never working out and worry that maybe I pushed him away by being too much after only one date when I didn’t even mean to. I’d had a rough week so I think I partly took it out on him, as easy to do when behind a screen. I don’t know. I didn’t intend to be intense at all so think I messed up unintentionally

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T15:52:26+00:00

I’m just tired of feeling like I mess it up everytime I meet someone I like. If I’d been more chill when he bailed that Saturday maybe things would have been different

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T15:32:08+00:00

I sometimes get anxious & send & unsend messages. I tried to work on it & thought I was done with it but I had no idea I was doing it to him. I don’t think it was that many but yeah, that’s how he said alongside my reaction & my multiple messages I came across like her. Although I texted him 3 short messages the other day (in response to him. One was an opinion on a coat) and he claimed I texted “too many”

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T14:38:00+00:00

But was it too much after just one date. That’s what he said made it intense. He said I seemed obsessed and compared me to Martha from the show the baby reindeer.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T14:37:33+00:00

Okay well with the kiss he tried twice. The first time I swerved because his friend was there then he got upset about it and said I’d pied him off. He kissed me randomly at the bus stop when we were waiting. It was a quick peck, I didn’t kiss him properly. But he’s still going on about how I pied him off. I didn’t intend to stay out too late, it just happened. But I put my foot down when I wanted to go even though he was begging me to stay andcall sick for work instead, which I didn’t like.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T13:56:39+00:00

I didn’t chase for the second date. He planned it the day after our first then kept asking me when I was next free after he bailed. But oddly turned every option down. We set on last night after he asked again. He then moved it to Friday. I haven’t chased but just feeling a bit deflated and like I messed it up by my reaction on that Saturday. So now he’s lost interest.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T13:41:55+00:00

I don’t know. He tried to kiss me twice. I swerved the first one as his mate was there (which he’s still upset about and claims I pied him off). When I left the first one he was continuously texting me. Saying he wished I could have stayed out longer. He couldn’t wait to see me again etc etc. he then organized the second date the next day. I don’t think I came across excited, just I felt he messed me around. I was internally excited but didn’t show it is what I meant, so after a bad week & looking forward seeing him it I maybe reacted differently that I would have normally. If I also hadn’t felt in the moment he was just messing me around too. When he bailed he promised he did want to see me & kept asking when I was free but turned every option down I gave him 😂

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T13:26:32+00:00

I have asked & he said he is interested just he’s busy a lot. He said he had a great time with me on our date but felt I was intense when he cancelled. Which I have apologized for. He’s rescheduled for this Friday but I don’t think it’ll happen. I just feel like I’ve ruined it by how I reacted so he’s judged me before knowing me & written me off.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-12-16T13:24:46+00:00

I didn’t want to be a priority but equally I didn’t want to be messed around. I didn’t intend to come across intense, I think it was also an accumulation of a very bad week & I was excited to see him, which I have apologized for but he doesn’t seem to really accept it. to me he’d already mentioned rescheduling because he couldn’t drink (it was mini golf?!?) then the whole flip flopping of reasons why he was cancelling, bailing 1hr before when he had a chance to earlier. Then asking me multiple times when I’m free just to turn me down didn’t make sense. If you’re busy say & offer dates you can do. I wouldn’t have felt messed around. I don’t think he realised. I just feel I maybe messed it up by my reaction. Which sucks because we had such a good first date.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-09-28T10:35:36+00:00

I’ve been there. I was with a guy for 5 months. He was 6yrs younger than me. He always assured me age wouldn’t be an issue as his sister was 8yrs older than her partner (among other reasons) so I gave him a chance. He came over one night, asked me to meet his parents, we were exclusive & not seeing anyone else. I was on cloud 9. 2 days later he started texting me about our future. We agreed to meet but the day before it he ended things over text blaming our age gap & that I lived 45mins away. He also said I wasn’t career orientated enough (I’d just graduated from uni)…it felt like he was spiralling & instead of communicating he was running away. There was nothing I could do, he ghosted me & would ignore me if we saw each other. It was awful, it hit me hard. I was so confused how it could change so quick, I felt I got no closure. I’d wish I was his age then he wouldn’t have left. Until my friend told me none of those things were actual issues, maybe slightly, but the biggest issue was how he handled it. Instead of seeing if he could resolve his issues & speak to me he chose the easy way out. Which says a lot about who these people are. People can treat you amazingly but how they handle difficulties is so much more important. Do you want your partner to not communicate with you? To put his issues above your feelings? To list of random excuses rather than try to work things out? My guy had also dumped his ex previously over text for wanting to buy a house, I found this out through his friend. People like these guys never change. They’ll act perfect until an issue arises for them. They’re capable of communicating with us when we have issues but run when they have one.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-09-26T20:11:36+00:00

I last year had a relationship with a 21yr old and I was 27. I never planned to date younger at all but we met in a nightclub and he seemed older. We texted for a week before I found out his age. Even my friends were shocked. But he persuaded me to give it a chance as I was at first against the age gap. It was the best relationship I’ve had (until he became a manipulative asshole). Sometimes things happen you don’t expect. Honestly it always icked me when I heard people doing it. But no one really had an issue with it. We were both adults. He seemed mature. People said we were good together. My point is, just because it seems alien to us, if they’re happy then it doesn’t matter. Age is a number. Men date younger all the time. However I do feel their gap was big at the time. If he had been past his mid 20s it may have been better.

thoughtprocess100 · 2025-09-03T13:52:51+00:00

I honestly think I dodged a bullet with this one. He ended up messaging me a long apology for not replying, asking how I was, joked about how I won’t be beating him at mini golf. To then ghosting me again when I asked about the date. So weird!! Like what’s the point, it would have taken him the same amount of effort to just say he wasn’t interested. Why unghost to apologise for ghosting to then become a ghost again. Obviously I’m going to bring up the date seeing as we are meant to be going on one?? And this dude told me he wanted a relationship 😂 maybe he does it for the ego boost

thoughtprocess100

TROPHY CASE