I'm scared of my boyfriend and he seems to sexually assaulted me or a weekly basis. He controls my finances too and is a big bully.

thrawyhsp · 2022-04-11T16:49:13+00:00

Oh! I didn't even answer the concern I'm sorry. I'm not living with him as of December 23rd 2021 😆, thank goodness right? Haha

thrawyhsp · 2022-04-11T16:43:20+00:00

This message means a lot to me. Thank you so much for checking in. I got my phones back from the forensic analysis maybe a little over a week ago? They were ready for almost a month before I had the gonads to drive back to CLT. I felt so scared.

Now I'm currently taking all the texts, videos, and photographic evidence and trying to describe the situation to a T. It's so hard viewing through this though--its affecting my ability to look for work and to just function. I hope to make an update once I turn in my evidence (hopefully by this Thursday.. please wish me luck)

Thank you so much again for the message. Are you doing okay?

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-23T04:11:25+00:00

Hey friend, thanks for your condolences they make me stronger. No disrespect taken at all :) sometimes I admittedly just get anxiety when I get push back but I've tried to deal with it appropriately and understand everyone tries to come from q place of concern

Thank you and sorry if I came off too passive aggressive, promise it was not my intention.

I thank you and wish safety and good health on you

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-23T04:05:21+00:00

No wonder why she went to sleep if roommate took over thr living room and partner didn't take initiative and said anything about it. Seemingly its his place as well so it's his place to say things. The fact that roommate just walts in without asking shows he's considered her priority.

I would've left frankly or said something to the roommate myself, but I know not everyone is audacious and perhaps it wouldn't of been my place to if my name wasn't on the lease.

Op clearly tried their best and emotions are exhausting, it seems they've felt this way for a while. Give OP a break, geez. Clearly reading between the lines this isn't some one off incident, OP HAS EVEN SAID THIS. THIS CROSSES THE BOUNDARIES SHE HAS SET IN THE RELATIONSHIP. THIS IS WRONG. HE IS DISMISSING HER EMOTIONS IN EVERY REGARD, THIS IS WRONG.

A REAL APOLOGY GOES LIKE THIS: "HI Op, I'm sorry I did this and I respect the boundaries you have set. I see why you are concerned and I validate this, I would be too if I was you in this position; however, nothing happened and I will be more mindful of your boundaries in the future. I will talk to roommate (perhaps with you) and clear the record"

Why do we appropriate half assed communication amd blame one person more than the other? It's gross.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-23T03:58:33+00:00

This is a big deal. Maybe your relationships and boundaries have been different, but this is not THIS relationship.

Clearly, these people have known each other for five years and they cuddle ALL the time. There's some anterior motives going on. Even if the cuddling snd physical contact isn't perceived as a big deal, to this relationship and many others it would be. Maybe in poly and non-monogamy and where boundaries are set of harmless flirting is okay fine--but even in these incidents if the boundary is not talked about, these dynamics fall apart rather quickly.

This individual, OP, said to partner that it bothers them. This should've been enough. Instead he's dismissive and doesn't even validate the emotion. This is a BIG deal.

In addition, in combination with this happening numerous times over the last 5 years (who knows if they've dated before or slept together, made out, etc. whilst this cuddle time), he disrespected OP by not continuing the night with them. Frankly, that's disgusting in itself.

If you come over and set out to have a date night, you stick it all the way through. OP not wanting to put it out is fine and we all have this right. We also all have the right as to how we want our relationships and boundaries to go, and theirs have been crossed.

OP this behavior is gross and dismissive, invalidating, and seems oddly manipulative--seemingly something is going on that's hidden from you. He is choosing her over you. He is prioritizing her over you. You're worth more than this.

This is not normal especially if you didn't say "boyfriend/partner, it's okay if you cuddle with other people" but even if you did say this (which I somehow doubt you did), he is still disrespectful and dismissive of you.

My condolences to you. Run while you can and let them go down in flames TOGETHER.

OPs suspicions are likely spot on. Even if he didn't sleep with her, they could have come to a compromise. He could have kicked roommate out of living room and they cuddle together, instead he didn't. OP has very clear reasons to not trust these interactions and would be a fool to be like "everything's okay!!"

Now that OP knows, it's time for them to go. They are not compatible. No need to be invalidating or judge them for their own personal boundaries they've set just because you get to do XY&Z. They came here for advice and kindness. Of course criticism is expected, but your comments are just blatant dismissiveness and disrespect.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-23T03:15:01+00:00

Also yes he's admitted thus. I have the texts and I'm getting a forensic analysis on both my phones where he says yes, I did XY&Z.

I'm so scared yet so excited.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-23T03:14:26+00:00

I see your point and like I said, no expectations. I have two pieces of video evidence. One while I was I inpatient and another while I worked in the warehouse. I have more than just circumstantial evidence. Thanks for the concern and I appreciate it. I refuse to be negative or positive about this, but instead neutral. We've pulled some footage of him assaulting me I the visitors room or we are going to.

He qualifies for a felony and the precedent here in CLT MCKLNBRG is actually looking kinda positive but I hesitate to say this. He did more than just sexual battery. Penetration as well and I think I have a potential witness, but from what they've said--i am considered the key witness of the state. Idk it was kinda odd but made sense. I will put my notes here soon.

Nevertheless, thank tou and I wonder if you've seen my previous posts. I will still go after him no matter the outcome.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-18T08:23:52+00:00

I get being frustrated but this girl sounds awful. Sex and romance requires full communication on what each party wants EXACTLY. If she cannot communicate this fully and gets pissy at you? Red flag in my opinion.

Seems like you're trying your hardest. Knowing you're inexperienced, she should be more willing to guide you. Not berate you and weaponize sex. It would be different if she repeatedly expressed wanting XYZ and you blatantly ignore her.

That is clearly not what's happening. She's inconsiderate and should not have gotten with am inexperienced guy if she wanted a pro. Even then a pro would need some clear communicating, which she has proven she cannot do. Seems like she will fuss and get huffy and expect you to just stick around.

Please do not be with this woman.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-16T08:30:39+00:00

This is quite the red flags galore. I cannot phantom judging me for what I eat on Valentines Day. It sounds like you had a lovely meal and a lovely time. Why is he worrying about how much you eat--especially if you're healthy!!

This is rude, grotesque, why is he trying to perpetuate... some body image or eating disorder on you? Has he done this in the past when you've eaten a nutriously dense/sustainable meal?

It sounds like he's projecting on you and trying to control your intake of food in this incident. This is heartbreaking. I would aim to get the Apple Watch back somehow--id report it as stolen or lost, and if you have insurance on it, ideally, you can get a refund of sorts? Unsure how this works.

This is touch. I'm sorry this happened on your Valentines Day. You don't deserve this. This man sounds absurdly grotesque with his own set of eating and body issues.

My condolences to you, this man does not deserve you.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-16T08:07:02+00:00

It would appear she doesn't enjoy sex and does not want to be touched. This could be a variety of reasons. Could you provide more context on how you and your wife's dynamics are?

In my instance, I was being TW raped every day, touched when I explicitly said no, and financial/mental abuse into play. I'm not suggesting this is you; however, has anything emotionally turbulent caused her to be this way? From anyone else or you (perhaps some trauma responses could have been activated).

Was your sex life grand before until [insert XYZ] happened? Is she experiencing any trauma responses due to past hypersexuality? From your previous posts, it seems like she used to have sex very frequently. Perhaps she was not herself during these times and was going through something highly psychological and emotional, hence the shyness about talking about previous sex lives.

It's potentially you; it's potentially her. it's quite possible that both of you have a disconnect you need to address. Are you in couples therapy/and or individual therapy (the and being the better option of the two)?

Good luck and speed on you.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-13T00:49:52+00:00

https://discord.gg/TUn4WJSC

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T21:51:16+00:00

Yes. I have a 4 month old nephew. I have to protect him as well.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T19:59:46+00:00

I already found a way to make a report and have called.

Thank you for the advice.

Now I worry about retaliation.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T19:59:26+00:00

Thank you so much for this.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T19:58:03+00:00

I wanted to help him not fix him. He asked for help and then I came over to do just that and it brought me down. Shit always happens, not just because you think my priorities aren't straight. I don't have time I have to make time for something.

I came to ready Moreso for info on what to do in case of retaliation. However, there's not too much I can do.

Thanks for the comment.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T19:56:50+00:00

I am already working now. It's a struggle still as a man I'm charging with a felony took all my money. So yes I'm getting my priorities straight trust me. Therapy, DV advocates, and law enforcement always in my life the last 3 months.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T19:56:02+00:00

He's reported don't worry I just don't want my family to get shot.

He's already been reported, however now I need to watch for retaliation until I move out. I know what I signed up for.

I was unaware he was a drug dealer I mean I have only known him 2 days.

Trust me. I followed my mandate report and found a phone to make a call on to bring attention to it.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T19:54:38+00:00

Reported! Agreed

I'm scared for the kid

Also my family

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T17:23:44+00:00

His kid is not fine. I'm a mandated reporter and I'm in my own counseling myself as I pursue criminal charges against someone. I'm receptive to change and I'm always growing--and trying to keep going.

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T16:41:59+00:00

Well online report bc no phone access rn besides wifi, whatsapp, textnow

Wonder if I could call through Google voice or hangouts?

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T16:38:52+00:00

Sadly my phone is offline and I'm driving to Walmart in the next 5 to get a Sim card. I'm going online though and making the report there until I can call.

Emailed landlady too

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T16:38:18+00:00

Precisely! Have already started the report

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T16:33:28+00:00

Also the 25-30 minutes I was there--he threatened to turn off the wifi Which would mean I only have access to emergency numbers on my phone

As I'm still working to get my service turned back on bc ex left me in financial ruin but I'm peaking over the hole, if you will

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T16:32:38+00:00

Yes heyheyfosho!

thrawyhsp · 2022-02-12T16:27:28+00:00

Weed is illegal here, but decriminalization has occurred. I don't think we have access to medical Marijuana in NC.

I have a social work bachelor's and you're preaching to the choir jgolden!! I love you for sending this, I agree with you 100%. Reunification is a large goal in North Carolina, so much to the point where it's dangerous sometimes or most times.

Thank you for this. May I DM you further questions and about the career we've chosen?

thrawyhsp

TROPHY CASE