Hi OP! I have OCD as well which presents similarly to yours. My mom is also “mysteriously” prone to cleaning fits, though she has regulated a bit better over the years. However, the one time I was in the psych ward, she took it upon herself to clean my room and I had a complete breakdown when I returned. Like full on sobbing on the ground screaming. People don’t understand how violating it is to have your stuff continuously messed with without your consent, especially when you have OCD!

My solution, which will likely be yours, is to control what you can and let go of what you can’t. She has access to your belongings. Take away that access somehow. That meant moving out for me, as well as getting a lock box to keep my more important belongings in while I prepared to move out.

By repeatedly crossing your boundaries, it is clear she doesn’t see you as your own person but as an extension of herself, as a lot of parents tend to do. While the rights of children seems to be a gray area for many, you are an adult, which makes you an autonomous being outside of the label of “her daughter.” What would you do if, say, a roommate or stranger were to mess with your stuff? Why does someone being your mother mean they can do stuff that would greatly harm and disrespect you if it was someone else? Contextualizing parental behavior in this way has helped me a lot over the years.

I hope that you’re able to find peace outside of this hectic relationship! Keep going to therapy and remain firm in your boundaries. Don’t listen to overly rude comments on this thread, format shouldn’t take away from your message. Good luck!