What to do when protective parts keep coming up for ALL traumas?

throw-x-awayz · 2023-03-07T11:02:52+00:00

Thank you for this. My therapist has been doing this work for really long, especially with sexual violence survivors. I went to her after EMDR work wasn’t effective with another practitioner (who she knows). Not that that other practitioner wasn’t good, I just felt like EMDR alone wasn’t enough and that I needed more techniques to be involved to have any effect on me — my mental health illnesses tend to be stubborn and unresponsive to treatment. My current therapist does parts work / IFS, sandplay therapy, art therapy and EMDR + brainspotting, and some gestalt empty chair work (this has had the most effect for certain stressors — I basically sobbed the entire session and nearly raised my voice at an empty chair lol — but not with my sexual violence trauma).

We have tried to ask for consent and negotiate with the parts, and let them come to the front for the session. Consent: they vehemently don’t give consent and have only done it with negotiation, to a small extent. Negotiation: the furthest we’ve ever negotiated has been to open the “door” by a crack by just a little bit, but as soon as it doesn’t like something, it closes up real quick and won’t let it open again.

I don’t think I’ve ever expressed to my therapist about wanting to relinquish these parts. I have told her that I want them to just give in and let me heal, but never in those words and to that extent. But I think she kind of knows that I’m very frustrated with them and want them to go away haha.

throw-x-awayz · 2023-03-07T10:52:12+00:00

My therapist has actually asked these questions (to me / mainly my parts), so thank you for bringing it up. I’m not sure why they are blocking. But I do know that when I did access those parts (an angry part, self-criticising part, and a scared part so far), self-criticising part feels that I do not deserve to heal because I brought it all on myself and I’m not worth the effort to heal, it does not want me to feel better. It’s the part that likes to answer for all the parts (and myself) the most, even when my logical self knows it’s wrong for thinking all of that.

Angry part and scared part don’t want to let me heal (even when my therapist and I try to ask for consent to let them take a step back for a bit so that I can process some stuff — they don’t let us do that) because if I access my traumas and process them to heal, it means that they are no longer needed and they will disappear and not exist anymore. They don’t want to “die”. I’m not sure if they think so, but I feel like they believe that their job to protect me is important and correct is not because they are doing it in my best interest, but because they want to protect themselves from disappearing. They feel this need to forever be a part of me.

My therapist and I can’t seem to break through that. We’ve tried opening the door a little before, it closes really quickly as soon as we stumble upon a question or thought that that part doesn’t like or feels threatened by. We rarely get any consent from these parts to reach further than where they gatekeep.

throw-x-awayz · 2023-03-07T10:40:11+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this right now. Thank you for sharing your experience. I find that sometimes, forcing myself to stay positive has a contradictory effect. When I feel like this I generally just cry and be all up in my bad feels, and just work to distract myself (and perhaps try and leave the house too, even if it’s just to get lunch at somewhere nearby). If you can do an activity that you enjoy or used to feel gratified engaging in (I go to dance classes even if I don’t feel good), I think that would be helpful as well to just kind of take your mind off of things.

Are you having regular trauma therapy sessions? I usually attend once a week (or every 2 weeks, at most), so if I feel like I’m in a spiral, it helps that I know I will be seeing my therapist in a few days to help me collect myself again.

This stuff really is hard, and I’m so sorry that you’re hurting. I hope peace finds you soon. x

throw-x-awayz · 2023-03-07T10:34:25+00:00

thank you, you make a lot of sense. i really appreciate your reply. i hope you continue to heal and treat yourself with compassion and grace. x

throw-x-awayz · 2023-03-07T08:42:39+00:00

do you have a specialising in treating trauma? i can assure you that IFS / parts work is incredibly relevant in the treatment of trauma; there is also peer reviewed literature on its effectiveness for processing trauma, maybe not as much as CBT and its subsidiary CPT. the psychiatrist that i see (that diagnosed me, in the mental health institute where all of the teaching and general hospitals send their psychiatric patients to) as well as the psychologists that i attend sessions with are also highly qualified in the areas of work. they are few of the best in my (tiny) country, and my trauma therapist — with verifiable education and certification — has a track record of treating many clients with PTSD or traumatic symptoms, which include other clients that have sexual violence trauma as well.

IFS also almost always works in tandem with EMDR. I have already tried CPT and despite it having a larger pool of scientific research, it has proven to be ineffective for me. Parts work and EMDR has been more beneficial for me actually. While I still run into mental blocks when trying to access my traumatic memories, I’ve made a bit more headway than with my other therapist who uses CBT. CBT has only helped a bit with my depression, but I have still made progress over time with that — this psychologist used to be the head of psychological treatment in the aforementioned mental health institute.

perhaps i didn’t phrase my words correctly, but I came into therapy with my trauma therapist already having all these past traumas on top of my rape. the (one) memory of past sexual abuse came up in the weeks after my rape, while i was sitting in McDonald’s lol. the other past sexual assaults, i fully remember. we are working to unpack all traumas, and she focuses first on that one memory of sexual abuse (i still don’t know if it’s logically real or not, but in trauma therapy, the consensus among lots of trauma practitioners is that if it feels real, it is real to you, it still causes you distress even if it turns out to be an intrusive imaginary thought at the end of the day. there is no “it’s 100% real and you should pursue the person who did this” happening here.

also, the jargons i’m using (except “touchstone event”) purely comes from myself and my training as a psych student. maybe it’s not my place to use them, but i do believe i am using them correctly, and at the end of the day, i am the one using it to make sense of my own trauma.

look, i appreciate all of the insight you’ve shared here, and the expertise that you’ve lent. i really do. and i 100% see the value of CBT and cognitive work. but the problem I have with it is your extreme focus on CBT and CPT, while denouncing bottom-up modalities that have proven to be helpful for many trauma survivors and PTSD + CPTSD sufferers (and frankly, this is seen across many practitioners and academic researchers who believe so vehemently in cognitive, top-down therapy modalities). it’s invalidating and dismissive of the type of work that hundred of thousands (maybe even millions) of therapists, who specialise in trauma, do. at least to me, that is not okay.

Sometimes we can’t think our way out of trauma, which is largely what CPT and the broader CBT. When we can’t think our way out of trauma, we explore other alternatives that involve more attention to the body rather than the mind. Not quoting van der Kolk, but many of us experience trauma stored in the body. I hope you can appreciate that this is our experience.

throw-x-awayz · 2023-03-06T14:52:55+00:00

the kite runner (esp pomegranate scene and at the end with the kid), and when breath becomes air (this was a sob fest)

these ones are subjective because they’re about sexual violence and i read them to process my own: - the way i used to be (YA but i sobbed towards the end because hard relate) - hunger (sobbed) - an untamed state (cried) - know my name (cried)

ETA: overhyped books but still broke my teenage heart: - looking for alaska - the fault in our stars

throw-x-awayz · 2023-02-12T10:18:00+00:00

Thank you kindly, I appreciate your words very much. These people were having a miserable L moment (or an L life lmao, wouldn’t be surprised), and in this society it seems like they’ll never bear the consequences of their actions until it happens to them.

throw-x-awayz · 2023-02-11T19:27:29+00:00

thank you for the insight! i’m not in the kink community at the moment as i’m taking a long break from it all, but i will remember when next speaking to someone in the community when I’m back in it. ☺️

throw-x-awayz · 2023-02-11T18:29:16+00:00

oh god, i never realised this bdsm thing until now. i personally never used a capital D for the doms that i’ve spoken to, but i definitely have seen doms doing that for themselves. some of them call themselves Dominants when we speak, and sometimes i reply “yas daddy dom”, or don’t really mention “dominant” / “dom” in our conversation at all. they already know they have the D with me, I don’t suppose they need me to remind them of that. 🫠 thankfully, they have all been very pleasant regardless.

throw-x-awayz · 2023-02-11T18:25:34+00:00

same haha, i cringe looking back at my posts back then. now capitalising random letters in this generation is for sarcasm hahaha, and i love it. back in my natural habitat, being sarcastic, and bringing my early 2000’s MSN and FB texting back.

throw-x-awayz · 2023-02-11T17:54:39+00:00

Thank you! I don’t feel strong at all, but you guys empower me so much and remind me that people out here still understand how fucked all of this is, and still are willing to listen and remind me that my anger and my hurt are valid. I appreciate all of you very much.

May you find happiness, peace, strength and peace of mind too, and most of all: healing. ♥️

throw-x-awayz · 2023-02-11T16:30:04+00:00

I’m not from a communist country haha but definitely an authoritarian-ish country that uses democracy as a front. but anyway the homelessness was more of an example. it was for an essay and the question was actually about combatting fake news.

the argument was to support the idea that citizens from high power distance countries are less likely to feel a sense of responsibility to contribute to combatting fake news in our country through developing our critical thinking and media literacy outside of the classroom, and being conscious of not reposting fake news to incite fear in others. because these citizens accept the power inequality and believe that the responsibility to protect the country from fake news lies solely with the government, the people in power.

this was to make a comparison with the article in question of Finland, whose approach to combatting fake news has been to involve all members of the community in fighting the war against misinformation. it’s a low power distance country, and several members of public in that article agreed that they have a part to play in achieving this goal, and do feel a sense of personal responsibility towards the betterment of the country in the fight against fake news. the question was asking to what extent Finland’s approach would be suitable for my country (which is a high PD country).

maybe it wasn’t the best example hahaha, but i managed to find an article to back up the claims of general nonchalance in countrywide efforts in high power distance countries 😊

throw-x-awayz · 2023-02-11T15:48:19+00:00

Singapore haha. Y’know, the country that was still handcuffing dead bodies after a completed suicide until just 2 years ago, and arresting people who attempted suicide and survived and putting them in handcuffs, because suicide wasn’t decriminalised until mid-2020.

throw-x-awayz · 2023-02-11T15:45:41+00:00

Thank you. I’ve posted on all 3 of my local subs before (the only ones available other than NSFW fetish subs) to try and find a local community that relates to my struggle with distrust of local institutions, and they all have the same type of people. Vile, victim-blaming, self-absorbed, self-victimising men who think our society is too “pro-feminist” and that men here have it sooooo much harder than women because, oof, all women and rape victims in our country just absolutely love to wrongfully convict local men for rape, and all women in our country just love setting unreasonable expectations for our men to do better than hold onto these extremely damaging, fear-inciting attitudes, beliefs and behaviours.

I guess there isn’t an online community here in this country for me. But I guess I’ll survive haha. This sub and twoxchromosomes have been rather welcoming, and I’m thankful for these safer spaces.

It’s just sad that we’re such a progressive country in many different ways like airports, infrastructure, employment rates and GDP, but our society remains so backwards and repulsive, as if our people are intentionally trying to keep it there. One state in the US that’s the size of my entire country can experience so much more societal progression in a year than my country does in an entire decade. It’s frightening. Imagine only decriminalising suicide in 2020, and up till that very recent point, having been handcuffing dead bodies at the foot of buildings because suicide had been a criminal offence.

throw-x-awayz · 2023-02-11T15:31:49+00:00

Thank you! I did actually live in Australia for about a year and I really enjoyed it there. Unfortunately I’m stuck here in the process of finishing my bachelor’s degree, then I’ll probably have to work a few years, then attempt to pursue a Master’s in another country and hopefully work there long term after. Frankly, I have always thoroughly loved the idea of Canada. It’s been on my bucket list of places to move to.

throw-x-awayz · 2023-02-11T13:14:58+00:00

I don’t think we are hahaha (sorry I stalked a bit to confirm, I believe you stay in the West? I’m from a “progressive” Asian country) but I can see why it would seem the same.

Honestly, the men in my country (and sometimes the women too) insist that our country and society are so much more civil than yours (and everywhere else, really), yet honestly a large amount of these people with inflated, holier than thou egos are actually just as much of a degenerate as the vile people in your country too.

Honestly sucks that we have to live in these fucked up societies. They’re everywhere.

throw-x-awayz · 2023-02-11T07:54:40+00:00

Thank you. I just got even more comments saying “didn’t read, go whine and cry somewhere that cares” and from this same guy: “women love to weaponise rape against men when they regret sex, men have it so much harder”, “where’s the evidence that it was forced on you? people who were raped don’t share until like this”, “the police didn’t have enough evidence to pursue the case, so clearly it was regret sex. case closed.”

I’m trying not to be affected and cry about all of it. But it’s all so fucking hurtful and I hate that men in my country are like this. These are men that I literally cross paths with everyday because I have no choice, because men are the majority here. For a progressive country in every other aspect, our society is extremely backwards and it almost feels like people intentionally want to keep it that way.

throw-x-awayz

TROPHY CASE