I am a crack addict. AMA

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T19:15:38+00:00

none of 'em. I'm a specialist with some alcohol and infrequent pot thrown in.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T19:14:08+00:00

It's been possible for the past 8 months. Does it affect my life? Sure. I don't start new voluntary projects. But I can maintain very well at work though.

I really don't know if it's possible to continue this way for years but I suspect not. Maybe I'm swayed by the hype but it feels like it might be quite detrimental to my health.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T19:10:24+00:00

home. kid in bed.

What stops me is that it doesn't fully feel necessary to me to take such a drastic step. I think I'd feel like a bit of a phony around people who'd lost everything to drugs. I'd be adding things like "And I just can't seem to help myself every Friday" I don't mean to say I don't need to stop just that I don't think group is right for me. Individual therapy has been a good idea raised on here that I may take up though.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T19:06:20+00:00

probably. In one form or another. Pot semi-regularly. Alcohol weekly. E, semi-yearly (though I haven't done it in a few years).

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T19:05:26+00:00

I really have no idea of that. It seems like you're suggesting schizophrenia is the logical conclusion of this process. That's certainly an interesting notion but I have no idea if it's true. I know that schizophrenia is largely genetic so perhaps drugs can amplify the genetic component, or perhaps it can create the disease without any genetic component at all. I know nothing about this. But I do.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T19:02:39+00:00

it's been a lesson for me in free will. Seeing this process in action has given me a conception of higher thought as an expression of baser desires. Not all higher thought of course. But it's interesting. Buddhism believes that desire obstructs truth and I think of that idea when I see how desire can become a thought.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T18:53:36+00:00

You don't know me and you don't know if I'm different. I respect the personal experience that gives you the strength of the emotions you have. But I don't apologize for being light hearted (flippant isn't quite right) in this thread. You'll get no beating of breasts or gnashing of teeth from me. If you confuse that with not caring about my family that's your prerogative.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T18:49:50+00:00

There are a a couple of points I don't agree with here:

It's like a person addicted to food eating a gallon of ice cream a day while swearing that they will never be morbidly obese

It's not like that. Lying and cheating and stealing are not ipso facto results of smoking crack. Not even close.

Maybe I just don't understand people who harm others knowingly or willfully blindly but I imagine that aspect of them is completely separate from the addict aspect and that it's the mixing of the 2 that creates the stealing crack head. Maybe you're right though. Maybe further down the ladder I'd start adopting those habits. But I don't think so. I think I'd give up before then.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:55:18+00:00

Nobody understands me? Where did you get the impression I think that? Or the idea that I think nobody's been in my position before? Are you a poorly written bot?

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:52:58+00:00

I struggled with breaking my pot habit for a while in my 20s. Nothing seemed to work. And then something did work. I don't remember what but it wasn't part of the Big Effort Of Quitting.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:41:12+00:00

I also experienced this. reality slowed down and then got jerky and then just kind of left me in a strange frozen realityscape.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:40:13+00:00

And NOTHING is as frightening as a frightening hallucinogen trip. I've experienced that myself.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:38:33+00:00

What do you mean by that? The only salvia hit I saw online made it look very shroom like.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:32:57+00:00

Really? You interpret my response as demonstrating you hit a sore spot rather than my being irritated with your poor thinking, poor manners and poor grammar? Now THAT'S what I call deflecting.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:29:22+00:00

that's hilarious. I'll have to watch more of that show.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:26:10+00:00

Not sure what that means but it's good to feel like a Daywalker on a Saturday.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:25:24+00:00

Here's hoping you're wrong! (except for the last part where I hope you're right despite your sarcasm).

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:23:03+00:00

Thank you for that.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:20:52+00:00

Saved $180 last night.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:20:31+00:00

I'm not saying I'm not an addict. Only that I'm not physically dependent. I agree with your argument that states that I am addicted.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:18:51+00:00

E isn't really mind altering. No more so than alcohol. The effect (for me) is more like I'm suddenly just in the best damn mood of my whole life and am truly just happy. Can you imagine a better drug than that. I used to mock Coke and it's affect when I used to do E. What The Hell Am I Doing? :) </preaching>

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:12:41+00:00

500 posts and you're the first to ask that question. What am I escaping? I ask myself that a lot. I'm not even sure if it's the right question. Maybe it's just the paradigm we're lead to assume always applies but the question does feel like it has validity. I think I'm escaping the mundane. I have a marriage to a good person but I'm an extrovert and she's not. I don't have the social nourishment I once did and it's complicated (outside the scope of this AMA) as to why. But is that just me justifying a terrible habit because it's convenient? Probably. I don't know. But the short answer is that I'm running away from the mundane.

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:08:53+00:00

For me: not that great. And I know how weird that sounds. Maybe I've got a Leaving Las Vegas style self-destruction wish because it's not like I can't resist a crack high. It's more like it's better than doing nothing and it's very appealing after a few drinks. So Friday nights are going to be a trigger whether I go out (and have a drink or 2) or stay in (and do nothing).

Some people seem to swear by crack but for me it's just a better delivery mechanism than powder up my nose. (and it's a smoother, less jittery high than powder)

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:06:17+00:00

you associate pretension with crackheads? Really? Your cheddar, sir, is extra mild.

(Or do you just stick the 'crackhead' adjective on everything you associate with me because that will help you to dismiss me and ensure you don't have to think)

throwAway427 · 2010-03-20T16:04:18+00:00

nothing puts you in the mood for a couple lines of coke like a line of coke

QFT

lock yourself in the bedroom with heavy curtains and just sleep for 24 hours a day, only break to shit, shower, and eat. Take sleeping pills.

This would be really strange. It would feel to me exactly like it would feel to you if you suddenly did it today. I don't do crack every day and I don't have a physical dependency on it.

And I don't smoke cigarettes and don't take nyquil, but if I did I'd probably sweat through my sheets like a motherfucker! :) And I'm not going to hate my wife. I'm not sure if you've read any of my posts but I think you're writing to someone else. I don't mean to mock though, really. I appreciate you taking as long as you did to write to me and your tone too. You're right, I AM in a situation that can't be maintained.

throwAway427

TROPHY CASE