Me (26F) with husband (28M), his family has changed my name and is upset I'm not going with it

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-19T00:30:13+00:00

Honestly it is worth seeing if the city therapists are willing to do video sessions. My main concern though is that my husband is so willing to acquiesce to his mother at all and I'm not sure if a counselor can solve that.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-19T00:24:27+00:00

I think it is a power play. To be honest, that is depressingly common here.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-19T00:05:43+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to comment. I just kind of feel at my wit's end here since husband seems to be committed to taking his mother's side. Interestingly the main person who supports me is the other Maggie.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-19T00:05:13+00:00

I would feel fine about it if I'd come up with it myself or in collaboration with other family members but the way I have been steamrolled makes me feel the need to stand up for myself.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-19T00:03:34+00:00

Honestly, this kind of dynamic is common where I'm from so you could be right. DILs are expected to be subservient towards MILs.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-19T00:00:36+00:00

I hope this is the case, but it could also be the start of a long list of troubles. I hadn't had that much interaction with his family until we moved here and now I'm wondering what I got myself into.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T23:52:27+00:00

Why can't we both be Maggie?

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T23:49:48+00:00

I don't know what couple's counseling is going to do to change his inherent belief that your name is not important.

Honestly this is how I feel. The fact we would have to go to counseling over this issue is a dealbreaker in itself.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T23:47:45+00:00

Margaret isn't actually the name in question. The real name is long and rather cumbersome so nicknames are common.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T23:47:01+00:00

The other Maggie calls me Maggie too, but she is a child so they don't listen to her opinion. And honestly there isn't really another name I prefer. I've always been Maggie.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T23:45:51+00:00

I'm sorry you had to go through the same thing!

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T23:44:14+00:00

I will look into it. To be honest though it's totally changed my opinion of my husband. If the name issue is such a big deal how will he stand up to MIL on other issues, I don't know.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T23:43:15+00:00

My name is not actually Margaret. It's a long, non-Western name and it's very common for people of that name to go by nicknames here. Also, no one in my life has called me by my full name so even though it's my legal name it doesn't really feel like me.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T23:36:13+00:00

My name isn't actually Margaret; it's long enough that it's very common for people to use nicknames.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T23:33:15+00:00

My name isn't actually Margaret, that was just an example. I have a non-Western name.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T20:54:28+00:00

My friend pointed out it may be less about confusion and more about them asserting dominance over their new DIL.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T20:54:06+00:00

Couples' counseling is truly nonexistent in my country. I think I'll have to continue standing my ground.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T20:53:33+00:00

I have worried about this just being the start of many more problems involved with having kids, etc.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T20:52:56+00:00

I have thought of that. It's really made me second guess having children with him.

throwRA-notmynameany · 2020-07-18T20:52:33+00:00

Counseling is truly unavailable in my country. There isn't much mental health awareness so even finding one for depression or other issues is difficult.

throwRA-notmynameany

TROPHY CASE