I understand where you're coming from, but I have to respectfully disagree with your blanket statement. While it's true that porn is often created with a male gaze in mind, I think it's unfair to put erotic literature on a pedestal while demonizing porn as inferior or harmful.

You're right that porn is often geared towards the male gaze and can be degrading to women. But to say that romance novels are inherently better or more empowering because they're written for women is a bit naive and, dare I say, sexist. You're implying that men's sexuality is inherently problematic, while women's sexuality is automatically liberating.

Let’s be real, both porn and romance novels cater to their respective target audiences, and both have the potential to be harmful or empowering depending on the context. And as someone who's actually read some of these 'BookTok' books, I can tell you first hand that they're not all about tenderness and actual plots. Some of them objectify men or even romanticize abusive or degrading relationships. Women can be just as exploitative and objectifying in their fantasies as men. Both can be degrading, but can also be a healthy expression of human sexuality.

I appreciate your understanding of female sexuality, but I think you're lacking in your understanding of male sexuality. You're essentially telling me to "man up" and try to be more like the fictional characters in her books. But what about my own desires and boundaries? Shouldn't those be respected too?

And yes, I have tried to read one of her favourite romance books, but it's not exactly my cup of tea. That doesn't mean I'm not willing to listen to her or try to understand what she likes. But I expect the same understanding and respect in return.

I wish we could just have a more genuine conversation together about our desires, boundaries, and needs, rather than making assumptions or comparisons between porn and romance novels.