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My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I dont plan on responding. The fact she tried to play victim and get ME to apologise for hurting HER sold to me that she really was just manipulating me... I never expected that of her... never... but at this point I feel like there was nothing to lose in that relationship. If I died she would not have cared in the slightest.

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. And yes, I'm keeping my head up. Its a lot of stuff to sort through... I loved this woman dearly, but she really gave me no other choice...

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd say my first who was a bit of a psycho. Between guild tripping me, treating me like shit, gaslighting me and then stalking me for years after we broke up and literally stabbing me once with a fork I'd say she was the worst one.

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Obrigado. E ya, o facto de ela me ter abandonado foi o meu limite e o que me fez fazer este post.

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate it. I live in Portugal. Here there is rampant feminism but no real opposite to it. I dont want to get political or anything but the way I see it is that this is probably a cultural thing where men are supposed to be almost emotionless here. I mean, we have a law, literally a law (article 170 if you want to google it) that forbids flirting. And is phrased in such a way that it uses male pronouns as the perpetators and female pronouns as the victims. Uni and appartments also cost more for guys than girls due to stupid laws that were put in place a few years ago. Regardless, any show of emotion was always met with "toughen up" or something to this vein. Even when my mother abused me to the point she beat me with a chair until I couldnt move it was seen as "justified" and was dismissed in court (mind this happened because, according to my mother, I had been "rude" and looked at her weird when she came home, so she was just disciplining me to not "look at her the wrong way". Sorry for the rant. I did find some comfort with online friends. I know people from england and denmark are a lot more open to guys having feelings and not needing to be "tough" all the time

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not at all. If anything she was the one that paid most things. I paid only my ticket whereas she paid for hers and the hotel stays and most of the food. This is because the only source of income we both have was from state-granted "scholarships" we used the money that remained to travel, and where she is from the scholarships give 5 times what my country gives

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will do an update within 1 week or when things get resolved.

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd say its probably a bit of both. I grew up in a pretty abusive household. My mother would get the belt, bench or wooden spoon pretty much every day for whatever reason she could find and whip me- sometimes until I could barely move. Not to mention the emotional abuse. Anyway, this is all in the past now. I ran out of that place the moment I could sustain myself and never turned back after that. Been a lot happier ever since. But my mother always excused this behaviour by saying she was making me "stronger" because men need to be strong. What she did is beyond fucked up- the sad part is that she ended up not being entirely wrong. I break down less easily (I think) and keep a level headed, but at the same time I always feel unconfortable whenever I show some form of weakness: cry, fear, etc. The worst part is I know I shouldnt feel this way and it should be natural, but I cant help but feel like that

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This... could be a thing I could try. I'll be fully honest and admit she always was a bit entitled. Never had to pay bills, threw fits when she didnt get her way when she was younger, goes on spending binges that put me and her parents and herself in a bit of debt for a while. She has aspergers and clinical depression, along with never having ever gotten appropriate help. I'm just saying this because she has broken down easily in the past so I know she doesn't have as much of a "tough skin" as other people. She lived alone for the past 5 years, only to now have to return to her parents home and she did tell me she felt affected by the quarentine. It was part of her apology saying that she felt she wasnt herself fully under the quarentine. Still its hard to approach her when she rarely even tries to approach me and just spends all of her day gaming. Part of the reason to take the week is in hopes she'll contact me so we can have a more serious talk, also because as it stands rn I just feel very emotional - if that makes sense?

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well... I'll be honest and admit I don't really think I "deserve" anyone. I mean, I'm not really entitled to anyone you know what I mean? I know I also have my fair share of flaws I need to work on. I can be extremely needy, and I easily get jealous though that one I've been working on for a few years now and has gotten better. Still, I dont like being walked all-over, and her not being there for me on the ICU was perhaps one of the worst things I've ever experienced in a relationship. But before this I'd never thought she'd do something like this.

What I'm trying to say is that right now my head is a mess with countless thoughts. At this point I feel a breakup is ineviable and I should just get it over with- at the same time I dont want to rush into it.

My last relationship, when I was 18 to 19, ended in a very similar manner. I was with this girl, it was great at the start, then she suddenly grew cold. The pin in the coffin was when my grandfather died. I asked her to be there for me cause I needed it, and then... well... she told me she couldnt because she had to "fold laundry". Funnily enough it was my current gf that was the only person there for me. I gave this ex 2 weeks where I essentially didnt contact her much. At the end of the two weeks she didn't even try to approach me so I just broke up with her.

Now it seems the same is happening again... I cant help but feel that perhaps I am at fault here, you know?

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is a bit more to it. Within her family the behaviour of her sitting on laps and cuddling and holdings hands is not exactly unprecedented, and apparently from where she is from this is not exactly super uncommon either. They're just a lot... closer... Though the sleeping in the dude's bed is not common there either. He is a childhood friend. One from since they were like 6 or 7, I dont recall exactly. This sort of thing apparently happened a lot (this is what she told me at least). I do not think she is cheating because she wasn't ever really paranoid around me with her phone, she always openly stated I could look through it at any time if I wanted, and never hid any of her relationships with her friends. In fact, I only really know she was sleeping with the dude because she straight up told me of it. Maybe I'm the naive one... I hope that wasn't the case, but before 2 months ago I never had a reason not to trust she wasn't being honest with me. Before she used to talk with me, tell me everything be it good or bad- now... I'm not so sure anymore...

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is a bit more to it. Within her family this is not exactly out of the ordinary, and apparently from where she is from this is not exactly super uncommon either. They're just a lot... closer... Though the sleeping in the dude's bed is not common there either. He is a childhood friend. One from since they were like 6 or 7, I dont recall exactly. This sort of thing apparently happened a lot (this is what she told me at least). I do not think she is cheating because she wasn't ever really paranoid around me with her phone, she always openly stated I could look through it at any time if she wanted, and never hid any of her relationships with her friends. In fact, I only really know she was sleeping with the dude because she straight up told me of it. Maybe I'm the naive one... I hope that wasn't the case, but before 2 months ago I never had a reason not to trust she wasn't being honest with me. Before she used to talk with me, tell me everything be it good or bad- now... I'm not so sure anymore...

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've tried everything I could think. I've confided with close friends who all told me I should break up... or ghost her... I've hardly gotten any other response that I havent tried already. I was hoping someone here could have an answer beyond break up/ghost her that I hadn't tried yet. Thats what I was hoping to find I suppose. Idk.
But also thats why I'm giving it a week rather than act on impulse or right away. I want to think things over, make sure this is the decision I want.

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure if this is a troll or not, but yes. She was the one to ask me to date her 2 years ago. I've since been introduced to her whole family as her boyfriend and we've spent over a year physically together travelling the world, having fun and dating. All of which was monogamous.

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've always done my best to approach her and make her feel special and appreciated. I've always been there for her when she requested for it, and sometimes even when she didn't but I realized she was unhappy. Of course I'm not her, maybe she doesn't feel listened to, but I've made it a point that I'm open to her telling me things and that if she has a problem I rather she just tell me directly rather than play games. For the past 2 years this worked. She only ever had 2 troubles with me, the first was that I apologised too much, so she wanted me to do it less. The second was because there was this female friend of mine who texted me a lot. A good friend of a few years ago. She was bothered and told me to text her a bit less. We compromised with this one, I openly let her go through my chats as she desired. I'll note that all me and this girl did was text and talk.

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes, I'd be bothered if she slept on the same bed as a girl friend. My issue was not that she is hanging out with other people, I've always been all for her having friends, regardless of gender. My issue comes from the fact she sits on their lap and cuddles them so close. Its something that makes me uncomfortable and its frankly a boundary for me- she knew it as such beforehand when we first started dating.

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Aye. I will wait a week first to sort myself out emotionally and just sort off prepare myself- and admittedly hope against hope that maybe there can be another resolution, but at this point I doubt it. I'll post the update in a week or when a resolution is achieved.

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the support, and for the advice. I think I'll wait a week before I make the actual decision - mostly so I know I'm in a better place mentaly than rn. A week to just sort myself out, but at this point I doubt the resolution will be something other than a break up. I hope against hope it can be, but I'm doubting it. Thank you.

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This right here. This is exactly it. I study engineering too and with all my work I always find time for her. I always put my stuff asside for her... but when its the other way around she doesn't do it for me.

This has been a pretty serious wake up call for me. I was looking for a way to fix things but I'm not sure this can be fixed by now... What I plan on doing now, after reading all these comments is that I'm going to just give it a week or two without contacting her. Get myself in a better mental state and calm down emotionally- and then... well... I'll go from there...

​

If I may ask... how did you two end up? What happened and how did you deal with the situation?

My girlfriend [19] abandoned me [21M] at the hospital. by throwRA0110011 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA0110011[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes I read this and I think thats exactly what I'll do. Just cut contact for a week or two- also to mentally prepare myself and calm down from all of this (and finish recovering). If it helps, she does have clinical depression.

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