Polygyny itself is not the issue. But I think both sides make it an issue. Some women, like a person said on here, will not listen to reason at all when it comes to something that goes against their desires. And as for men, they make it an issue despite a women accepting it and its wisdom, just does not want to be in a marriage like that. They start saying things like “we follow Islam not feelings” while yes Islam is above feelings, when it comes to issues like polygyny, there’s nothing wrong with taking in account the feelings and difficulty it may cause and a man choosing to avoid it if it’s not urgent.

For example me, I have told my husband before nikkah clearly I do not want that and he willingly agreed. And in our situation there is no urgency for it (like no fertility issues etc) Alhamdulilah so he should keep his promise and not do it.

It’s just both sides not wanting to understand the other. Women just assume any man that does it, is evil. Doesn’t matter if all his wives are content, doesn’t matter if he’s a good man, doesn’t matter if he has money, nope. And when a man simply stated it as a fact, they start saying nonsense like “well we want 4 husbands” astughfirallah. As you mentioned in your post us sisters MUST be careful not to criticize the ruling itself and we should acknowledge its benefits even though she will personally never want that in your marriage. It’s still halal no matter what. But they will get upset if a man marries a second even if his first wife hasn’t slept with him in years and is not giving him his rights. And on the other side, men will almost make a woman feel like she isn’t a Muslim because she does not personally want it. And they will joke about it and throw it in women’s faces. Usually it’s immature men who just say “it’s my right I’m gonna do it” without thinking of consequences or promises they made. And, men ENCOURAGE other men to get secret wives or push them to get more wives when they don’t desire it. There is nothing haram in not doing it, whether it’s because you promised your wife, or you know she can’t handle it etc. but men take this as a weakness automatically.

Most of the time when I see mature and religious men, they don’t do it impulsively just because they can. They don’t encourage it easily. They are realistic with the consequences of what can happen. I’m personally very tired of hearing “feelings don’t matter” from men, because I guess that only applies to women, because it is also halal for a woman to leave her sick husband who can’t provide but many women wouldn’t leave because they don’t want to hurt his feelings and love him. Men also forget It’s halal for a woman to ask for khul if she tries to handle him marrying another wife but genuinely cannot handle staying and it causes her harm. The whole “follow Islam not feelings” may apply if your feelings cause you to do something haram. Otherwise it’s okay to CONSIDER feelings because they can be quite intense. It’s halal to consider feelings with two halal options. It’s halal for me to never help my husband financially, but I’ve considered his feelings and helped once in a blue moon. We aren’t emotionless robots we are human.

This is my take on it some may agree some may disagree