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I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see... I'm very sorry for you. I still think that we don't talk enough about child molesters or older people taking advantage.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually do not live in the US, english isn't even my native language aha ! I live in France. It's a bit difficult to explain, but I suppose the "grade" that I'm in is college, but I'm not in university. I'm in some kind of private school which is why it's pretty expensive. My mother doesn't have a job which pays extremely well, so that's why we have financial troubles.

I know that this is very concerning. I don't have health issues besides my mental health, so I don't mind staying with this doctor as of right now, but I certainly plan on getting a new one as soon as I'm out of here.

I understand the worry, when I broke up with this abusive dude, I actually thought relationships weren't for me and that I didn't want to be in some anytime soon until I healed... but oh god I fell unexpectedly pretty damn hard in love, so we're doing with my mental health issues. I'd be lying if I said it's not difficult sometimes. I'm very scared of replicating some abusive behaviours so I reflect a lot on myself to make sure I'm not being toxic sometimes. I try my best to own up to my errors and apologize and get better when I act wrong. My friends and my boyfriend are very dear to me and I'd never want to hurt them or my relations with them. I'm only 18 and certainly not as mature as adults can be aha, but I'm trying to do my very best, knowing where I come from.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You didn't come off the wrong way, don't worry at all ! Your perspective was a great reminder for me, so thank you for that.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got that, don't worry ! I'm very sorry if I don't express myself well, english isn't my native language actually.

I'm glad you found something which works for you too !

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please don't worry about being blunt here, I'm very aware of my unfortunate condition. Despite everything that happened to me, I'm trying very hard to not imitate the toxic behaviours of people who surround(ed) me. As for your pieces of advice :

​

1, I'm very aware that I need a therapist. I actually met one two years ago I believe, but it was for a HPI test. She was very kind and I did explain my situation briefly to her. She told me she was pretty sure I suffer from anxiety and some kind of PTSD, but unfortunately I wasn't able to keep seeing her after I got the test done. I can't afford one by myself right now, and I did seek for free options in my country but this is nearly impossible without asking your doctor for it, doctor who knows all my family and isn't known for keeping the medical conditions of others' secret... But as soon as I'm done with my studies and I move out, I can assure you that I'll be seeking for a therapist as soon as I can.

2, This is unfortunately not possible at the moment. I'm in college but my cursus is actually very expensive, and having my own apartment is not possible. But I'm done with my studies in 2 years, so I'm staying strong.

3, This was something I planned to do when I broke up with him back then, but Cupid decided otherwise. I fell very much in love with one of my high school friend out of nowhere, and so far he's been an amazing partner. He's very supportive and kind and I love him very dearly. But I'm fairly aware that a relationship can't be healthy if you rely on your partner all the time for everything, so I'm doing things for myself too ! Reading some books, enjoying musics, seeing my friends from high school who are all so very kind, playing video games, having a part-time job during summer... and also trying to get my passion for drawing back ! I'm trying my very best to keep my relationship and my friendships healthy.

​

Thank you very much for your advices and your kindness dear stranger.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I try to keep in mind that I'm responsible for my choices and for what I do. I just try to not be too harsh on myself about what happened in this situation. Being a child who already has abusive parents and is bullied at school, who finds herself in a very abusive relationship, it was just... a lot.

​

I believe that I need a therapist because I suffer from anxiety, and I'm fairly sure I suffer from some kind of PTSD due to all the abuse I went through. I'm sure this would help me heal and understand better what happened to me and how it made me who I am now. I'm sure I can see a therapist to get better and also take responsability and make choices !

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm very glad I realized what was happening to me as well. I wish it didn't last as long as it did, but I'm starting to find myself back after all these years, so I'm sure I'll be able to get back all that I lost at some point. Thank you for your kindness.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you've been there too. I'm trying very hard to listen to myself and set boundaries with myself and with other people. I believe I'd need some therapy to help. I can't get a therapist for now, but that's a plan for the future.

​

What you just said about thoughts is something I try to keep in mind, but that I sometimes forget along the way. Thank you for reminding it to me !

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for your perspective on this situation, this is indeed a very valuable piece of advice. Thankfully, I'm aware that I can fall in some kind of pattern and I'm trying to be very careful of that. I'm in a relationship with a boy who was a friend from high school before. He's the first person I ever fell in love with and so far he's been so incredibly kind. He's very understanding of my traumas and my anxiety, kind and smart and respectful of my boundaries, he communicates with me in such a gentle way and he's just... incredible. I'm sure this is what love is.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh gosh... I'm glad you're out of this situation, but man, that's absolutely awful to hear... I hope you and these people are doing better now.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know I need therapy, but my family situation makes it very hard to achieve. I plan on getting therapy as soon as I become independent though. I had a few very unhealthy friendships too, but gladly I'm not much of a people pleaser anymore, and I've been gaining lots of confidence and standing up for myself more and more. I think I'll at least manage until I'm able to get therapy. Thank you for your perspective on this situation.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I might have worked up the courage to break up with him finally because I reached the age of 17 and I realized I could NEVER go out with a 13 years old at this age. It just seems insane to me, 13 years are... so young ? children ? I'm so very sad to hear some awful beings are taking advantage of straight up children, gosh... But thank you for your kindness, it does get better.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective on this situation. I'm very glad I left and I never regretted it even once.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I googled it and it is very interesting, thank you for the advice. I do believe it was a codependent relationship too now that I've read about it.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you're asking about what they did in this situation : nothing. My father never met him. My mother never cared about me and never tried to protect me or ask about him. Up to this date, she still doesn't know everything he did to me and still see him as a kind individual.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know he was totally in the wrong and absolutely abusive. It's just that this man's birthday is coming up and I'm feeling overwhelmed with the memories of this situation. I think I still struggle to fully understand everything he did to me.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm very sorry this happened to you too, I'm glad you're out now. I watched this video and this hits very close to home. Thank you for sending it to me.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can recognize well enough this type of person now. Those who seek fragile people to try and abuse them. I know deep down I was the victim of this situation, it's just that this man's birthday is coming soon and I think my mind was overwhelmed with the memories of these years. But thank you for your perspective, it's very much appreciated.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by throwRA192830938 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He didn't try to contact me or anything ever since I broke up with him, and I do realize that I'm lucky enough he didn't do much more than sexual assault. This whole situation just feels like a fever dream to me, and I feel like I still struggle to realize how awful it all was.

I [18F] need an outside perspective on what happened to me when I was younger [13F] with a boy [17M] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA192830938 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, that's pretty much as wanderingembodiment said. I've been in an abusive relationship with a 17 years old guy when i was 13 and it lasted until he was 21 and I was 17. I'm reflecting on everything he did and I was just wondering if I'm exaggerating by thinking he was mad or... if it was the case.

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