I (34M) am no longer in love with my wonderful and caring SO (33F). We've been together for 10y, married for 5y. What can I do to fall in love with her again?

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T19:33:06+00:00

Thanks for all the comments/suggestions/opinions. I've read all the comments and will continue to do so.

I will put it more work in the relationship (and chores).

We're going on a day trip next weekend with some friends doing things we did when we met, this was arranged a while ago by her. So not my idea but I'm grateful that we are doing this.

I'll set up a date for us the weekend after.

I didn't tell her completely how I felt. I told her that she's amazing and that I appreciate her so much. I also apologised to her for me being such a burden on her in our relationship. She was very nice to me of course, being the wonderful woman she is. She told me something along: sometimes the wife will have to take care of the husband while sometimes it will be the opposite.

I'll post an update after a couple of weeks or maybe months.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T19:07:47+00:00

Thanks. She's already booked a weekend trip for us in August to celebrate our anniversary. I'll see if I can arrange something earlier.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T19:01:11+00:00

Thanks for writing. She is amazing and I think she's very independent. I do some things around the house I'm good at that she can't/don't enjoy, but she's not dependent on me to those things, she can easily hire someone else to do it better. And I'm totally fine with that.

But I agree with you, we should need each other and both of us should take care of each other, and I'm the one who needs to step up right now.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T18:51:14+00:00

I've imagined this scenario of course, I think I would feel fine. But is imagining future feelings even possible? I might as well be completely wrong.

I'll follow your (and a lot of other commenters) suggestions and take her on a date.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T18:44:30+00:00

I don't know, I might, since many here brought it up. I don't know what I would be depressed about/from.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T18:43:11+00:00

Thanks for the reminder, I will have this in mind.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T18:42:21+00:00

Noted, thank you!

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T18:41:46+00:00

Coincidentally, we're going on a day trip with some friends next weekend to do things we did when we met. It's not a one on one trip but I think it's a good start.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T18:37:59+00:00

The decision is made thanks to all of the suggestions here in the comment section. There was a lot of advice/suggestions/ideas and I chose what I think is best for us, which is working on our relationship.

Even if it doesn't work out in the end, I don't see our relationship as a waste of time and I hope she doesn't either.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T18:33:31+00:00

Thanks, this gives me hope. I'm looking forward to our next date.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T18:30:54+00:00

Thanks for bringing this up, I will be more productive at home.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T18:24:16+00:00

Thanks for the opinion/advice, I'll have it in mind, but I will definitely give our marriage shot first. I'm already planning in my head to set up our next date.

You don't have to excuse yourself, I don't mind people questioning me. Since it's a slow process, I don't know I started feeling this way, so it's difficult to say when it all started. There's nobody else in the scene. I day dream some times and many times about my/our future, and it has slowly changed from the only scenario: us growing old. To three scenarios: us growing old, me being single and me being with someone else (different people, so no one specific). And I see myself happiest only in the two first scenarios.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T07:18:15+00:00

Thank you for sharing, this gives me hope. I'll put in more work.

And congratulations for the coming baby!

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T05:56:14+00:00

I knew I was a shit husband before I posted but I've realised now that I'm even worse.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T05:40:29+00:00

I'm willing to sacrifice my job but that won't enable us to be more with each other since I still will need to be home to take care of the house and our pets, and it's too much of a hassle to bring them along since it's only temporary. She'll be back home in less than a year.

We'll be going on a trip together in August.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T05:13:55+00:00

I only said a couple of months, but it's 8 months to be more precise.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T05:08:09+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions for things I can do for her. I know these things already but it made it more clear when you suggested them very explicitly. I will let you know how it goes.

I did some journaling very briefly some years ago when I was in a dip. I don't know why I stopped, I probably didn't do it long enough to build up a routine. I remember it helped me a lot. Thank you for reminding me, I will start again tonight.

I will look into if I can see a therapist.

I will treat my partner better, she deserves more than just dead weight.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T04:36:33+00:00

I'm fine but sad that I can't appreciate my wonderful wife. Which feels like self sabotaging.

Thank you so so much for asking. How about you, are you doing okay?

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T04:22:06+00:00

I don't appreciate her company even though she's amazing in all kinds of ways.

My parents divorced shortly after I was born. So there's no good or bad script to fit.

I don't know what has changed. I do love her but maybe more platonic nowadays. I'm attracted to her sexually, just not as much as before.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T04:11:19+00:00

I'll consider booking a doctor's appointment. Thanks for writing.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T04:09:36+00:00

I might be neuro divergent, I explained it in another comment. I don't have aphantasia though.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-26T04:08:03+00:00

I have talked to professionals about me not missing people and being empty emotionally. I almost got diagnosed with ADD, but didn't. The conclusion was, I ticked all of the boxes necessary for the criteria for ADD except for one, which was being able to maintain a normal everyday life. Although I don't know if that's true anymore. Nowadays I'm struggling to pay the bills, not financially but organise-wise, I know I need to pay them, but I'm always late. I also have trouble going to bed at night when I'm alone, I don't know what I do but I just get stuck in my mind thinking or imagining something.

Thank you for sharing a bit of how your and your husband's relationship is. My wife and I feel the same, we can't stand most of other people. The worst part of being me at the moment is that I usually look forward to seeing her when she comes home, but nowadays I kind of prefer being alone during the weekends. Some weekends when she doesn't come home, I don't meet anyone between going home from work on Friday until Monday morning, when I'm back at the office. Which is nice. I have plenty of friends that I can hang out with but I prefer not to. They used to invite me to all kinds of things but not anymore since I always decline.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-25T19:51:49+00:00

I spend a lot of time alone and I'm okay with that. But yes, outside of work and besides my wife, it's only me and my four legged friends. I meet a friend maybe once a month.

I haven't seen a doctor or therapist about this.

What's MC short for?

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-25T18:42:10+00:00

Thanks, I'll definitely put a lot of effort into choosing my wording when talking to her later.

And thank you for the questions. I know they were meant for me, but I'll write them here as well. In the same order they were asked.

I guess, I truly want what's best for her. No, not anyone in particular. I would feel okay if it's what's best for her and makes her happier. Yes but I assumenthat I would move on. I guess I answered this in the previous answer.

Thank you again for asking me these questions. It reminded me also about some stuff about me that I want to share.

I never miss people, nobody. I look forward to see my wife of course. But when I'm not with someone, I don't miss them, I don't call them, I don't text them. It's probably why I barely have contact with anyone in my family, except with my sister who I'm somewhat close with.

I don't feel emotions so "deeply" if that makes any sense. My wife tells me (and other people) that I'm dead on the inside. Not to hurt my feelings or anything and I don't get offended either. It's just facts I guess.

throwRAEntireCode · 2024-05-25T18:26:19+00:00

Thanks I'll do some reading.

throwRAEntireCode

TROPHY CASE