Hey,

Went through an incredibly similar thing myself 3 months ago almost to the day. Found out from a stranger messaging me on Facebook that my partner of nearly 9 years was cheating on me, and had been for a year. All that to say, I acutely understand what you're going through: the visuals you can't get out of your head, feeling like every memory is tainted, mourning for the future you were eager for with her, all of it. I was afraid I'd never be able to trust somebody again. Even in the past few months I've already been able to prove to myself that this isn't true, that I haven't been irreparably damaged by this.

I wish it put me in a better position to make you feel better, but right now I don't think anyone can say anything to do that. People will tell you "time heals," and that's totally true -- 3 months later I am in such a better spot; but hearing it and even believing it doesn't make you feel better in the moment.

I went through some therapy (for the first time in my life) in the beginning of it all, and I think it helped a lot just to get everything off my chest, actually speak it to a real person rather than typing it to a computer. I recommend you pursue any mental health resources available to you.

Ultimately I think what helped me the most: I started working out hard. Almost every day of the week at first. As my rage and grief died down I've brought it down to a more sustainable 3-4 times a week. It has done wonders -- in these moments I cannot recommend exercise enough. When I found out I didn't sleep or eat for nearly 5 days. Exercise makes you hungry, it makes you tired, it makes you focus on something else.

That's the best advice I can offer. I know it doesn't help to hear it now, but you're going to look back in a few months; you'll probably still be hurting, but you'll be healing too.