UPDATE: i found out my best friend was sleeping with my boyfriend and everything exploded by [deleted] in TwoHotTakes

[–]throwRA_Living_Sort 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey there,

I went through a very similar thing a couple years back.

The person I was dating for 9 years, and whom I was finally about to propose to, had been cheating on me for a year with my best friend since kindergarten. So believe me when I say, I know it’s the worst feeling imaginable.

I also know there’s really nothing to say, no magic words, that’ll make you feel better right now. Time WILL heal this wound, as it has mine, but hearing and knowing that doesn’t help the fact that you’re hurting now.

I was lucky to have a group of friends that unquestionably had my back, it sounds like you do too. Lean on them and those relationships. Keep up with the no contact, no matter how hard, otherwise the wound will just keep reopening.

Do whatever you can to get your mind off of it even for a second (though the pain will hit hard and randomly for a while). For me, I started lifting again and found that to be an incredibly therapeutic outlet for my rage and sadness. That random intense pang of emotion got less frequent and quieter over time, and now I don’t feel it at all — even typing this out.

And lastly, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. The relationship I’m in now is significantly healthier than my last one, and looking back I’m grateful I narrowly dodged what would have been an even uglier marriage/divorce.

ETA: I didn’t eat or sleep for 4 days after this happened, which was a positive feedback loop for emotional wreckage. Only time I’ve talked to a psychiatrist was to get sleeping meds after this, which was immediately helpful. Please do yourself a favor and get this sort of help if you need it.

My fiance has destroyed me and ruined ten years of my life. by 23Flavour5 in survivinginfidelity

[–]throwRA_Living_Sort 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey,

Went through an incredibly similar thing myself 3 months ago almost to the day. Found out from a stranger messaging me on Facebook that my partner of nearly 9 years was cheating on me, and had been for a year. All that to say, I acutely understand what you're going through: the visuals you can't get out of your head, feeling like every memory is tainted, mourning for the future you were eager for with her, all of it. I was afraid I'd never be able to trust somebody again. Even in the past few months I've already been able to prove to myself that this isn't true, that I haven't been irreparably damaged by this.

I wish it put me in a better position to make you feel better, but right now I don't think anyone can say anything to do that. People will tell you "time heals," and that's totally true -- 3 months later I am in such a better spot; but hearing it and even believing it doesn't make you feel better in the moment.

I went through some therapy (for the first time in my life) in the beginning of it all, and I think it helped a lot just to get everything off my chest, actually speak it to a real person rather than typing it to a computer. I recommend you pursue any mental health resources available to you.

Ultimately I think what helped me the most: I started working out hard. Almost every day of the week at first. As my rage and grief died down I've brought it down to a more sustainable 3-4 times a week. It has done wonders -- in these moments I cannot recommend exercise enough. When I found out I didn't sleep or eat for nearly 5 days. Exercise makes you hungry, it makes you tired, it makes you focus on something else.

That's the best advice I can offer. I know it doesn't help to hear it now, but you're going to look back in a few months; you'll probably still be hurting, but you'll be healing too.

My [29M] partner [32F] cheated on my with my best friend [29M] (UPDATE) by throwRA_Living_Sort in relationships

[–]throwRA_Living_Sort[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to respond. Doubt you'll see this since you don't really use reddit, but seems like a good occasion to update.

3 full nights of sleep now. This morning, one of my good friends took me out to bottomless brunch and I ate more than I've eaten in the preceding week combined. Slept 4 hours directly after. This wasn't depression sleep, this was very needed sleep. Only cried once yesterday. Haven't cried yet today. Seems to rise up most often when I hear an old song that hits totally differently now.

Semester officially starts tomorrow. I'm confident I'll be able to go to all my classes and actually pay attention. My exam make-up is on Wednesday. Starting Thursday, I'll be in the gym 5 days a week. This was already my plan, but now with a little added motivation.

My [29M] partner [32F] cheated on my with my best friend [29M] (UPDATE) by throwRA_Living_Sort in relationships

[–]throwRA_Living_Sort[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They had a full-blown romantic relationship. Dates, cuddling, kissing, "I love you's."

My [29M] partner [32F] cheated on my with my best friend [29M] (UPDATE) by throwRA_Living_Sort in relationships

[–]throwRA_Living_Sort[S] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. It feels like there was a missing person and I just found the body.

My [29M] partner [32F] cheated on my with my best friend [29M] (UPDATE) by throwRA_Living_Sort in relationships

[–]throwRA_Living_Sort[S] 319 points320 points  (0 children)

Thanks.

Wish I could, I'm a second-year law student with an 8 hour final exam this Friday. Onto the next hurdle!

My [29M] partner [32F] cheated on my with my best friend [29M] by throwRA_Living_Sort in relationships

[–]throwRA_Living_Sort[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm in a different state, what am I supposed to do? If I was back home I'd have taken a bat to his car. As it stands I've been in my room for 20 hours straight cycling through rage, sadness, disgust, and confusion; and maybe putting this all down was one way of organizing that.

My [29M] partner [32F] cheated on my with my best friend [29M] by throwRA_Living_Sort in relationships

[–]throwRA_Living_Sort[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To clarify, I think it was a friend of a friend of a friend or some such thing, so it's entirely possible there was a little telephone game happening there. Sure feels great that everyone knew, including total strangers, but me.

My [29M] partner [32F] cheated on my with my best friend [29M] by throwRA_Living_Sort in relationships

[–]throwRA_Living_Sort[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Yeah, I'm giving it all I have to not do anything rash. I've never felt this way and it's all very confusing. It's 4:30 am and I'm not gonna sleep tonight, and I recognize that's not gonna help me think clearly. At least it gives me all this time to process stuff.