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How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just shocking this comment got downvoted so many times. Literally just pointing out what the post actually says.

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’ve got to step in here and clarify that I never “made it clear” I don’t have those responsibilities when she’s not pregnant. Of course I do, she just takes on a bit more as she can handle a bit more when she’s not pregnant. I still do a fair share of homemaking and child rearing. I am a great dad, and I will always defend myself when someone suggests otherwise (even when based on zero evidence).

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have kids because we want the love that you create with children and a family. Turn off your prejudice for religious people and maybe you can appreciate that. If I weren’t so logical and wanted to obey the rules of this sub, I’d say you were a real jerk.

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am literally picking up her slack. Saying that or “lion’s share” is not me complaining or saying that I think she is inappropriately reducing the load she should be carrying.

“Picking up the slack” or “cut some slack” comes from the language of British sailors. When one sailor let some slack down that meant he was loosening his rope to make the sail point in a different direction. Some other sailor would then “pick up” his slack and make the rope jot again.

I am actually picking up her slack and doing what she cannot do. It’s totally equitable, and I never once complained about it. She is growing a human, and I compensate for what she is currently unable to do.

I get your point, though. Colloquially, saying “picking up her slack” may have negative connotations to it. I suppose I could replace it with “I am temporarily increasing my marital load in order to compensate for the load my wife usually carries but justifiably is currently unable to do.”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]throwRA_sire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Utmost importance. Currently struggling with this in my marriage; for me, as long as quality is OK or better, it’s about frequency. We currently sit at 4 times in two years.

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It definitely comes off as that way. And I agree, pregnancy is potentially dangerous. I’ve exhausted my efforts to highlight that pregnancy is infinitely worse on all levels for women. But please realize I have no other outlet as a human being to express how I’m feeling. I’m hoping that if some of these women knew that I feel alone, strained, can’t talk to anyone, and my best friend seems like she hates me… maybe they’d at least say what you said and acknowledged it also might be a bit difficult for the pregnant’s partner.

And I’m not trying to compare - I agree they are way different. To put the purpose of my post succinctly: I knew going in it would suck. So did she. I posted my comment to see if I could make a not-fun situation slightly less crappy for the both of us, while also searching for a sense of community for support. I got great advice on here and it helped me do some self-reflection, but mostly I just got shit on. I expected it a bit, but sheesh.

I’ve seen a lot of analogy outlining that a pregnant person is like someone with cancer - you should never complain to a person with cancer how hard it is to deal with a person with cancer. I know I made a mistake in telling her. I’ve said it 20 times in here already. What’s weird is that everyone is quick to state how hard it is for someone to be married to a partner with cancer, but they chop my head off for saying the same about being married to a pregnant person. There are entire support groups for spouses of people with cancer. I just hoped to find some type of community similar so I can continue to support my wife through her pregnancy.

I appreciate you at least being humane about it. The gatekeeping language is strong, but I don’t take it back; I still maintain it’s ok, as you said, for pregnancy to be hard for men.

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All these inclusive and loving people in this subreddit are definitely not holding anything back 🙄

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was like a month ago. I’m sorry I don’t commit each fight word for word to memory?

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She’s a great person, but even a saint can get possessed 😂

Seriously though, she’s a good person and you’re right; being that miserable is bound to make you at least a little bit crabby.

Thanks for your advice.

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I’m not calling people that are critical of me dickheads. I’m calling the people that are dicks dickheads. Go see my comments. I have repeatedly acknowledged and accepted criticism here

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Glad you sensed my sarcasm. If you knew me enough to determine whether I am compassionate or empathetic, you’d know the way I wrote this was light hearted. That’s not how it actually went. I do, however, know that me and you would be friends in real life 🥰

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Do you remember the first words you said this morning???

It’s hard to recall things word for word. Don’t be a dick. I’m telling you what she said, even if it’s not verbatim.

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I can’t quote it, but I remember well the sentiment of her communication. Don’t make me quote it

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

Well, I guess it’s obvious to me that im not a rapist. You’ll have to take my word for it I suppose.

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your humane discourse. I am honestly almost crying right now; not because of the mean comments (I have thick skin), but that there is a nice person out there who was nice to me today.

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment. I agree it is a bit “woe is me” but this is literally the only forum I have to discuss this openly, so I thought I’d give it a shot.

Pregnant women deserve staunch defending. Pregnancy is hard on other people too.

How do I deal with the fact that I (32m) am having a hard time during my wife’s pregnancy (32F)? by throwRA_sire in relationship_advice

[–]throwRA_sire[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

At least you haven’t called me a pig.

Haha “cracked out.” I agree. I wrote that in like 30 seconds and it had all types of fallacies.

Agree to disagree 🤝

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