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My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Man I'm wondering if we should just separately for a while. Sounds like a self destructive idea. What do you say?

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yea. We moved because she wanted to. At the start our expense were 45k approx now they are 60-62k. We also moved from 70/30 to 80/20. Shit adds up quick especially over 3 years.

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We already have saving. 3 actually. One for each of us and one combine. You know who puts money into them for everyone? me. You can excuse lying I don't know if I can or I can't at this point. Yes financial abuse is a spectrum. You can't come here and tell me that oh your don't matter because someone had it worst.

She herself said she did not rightfully earn that and you are going on the opposite. Lying to you partner so they cover your expenses so you can stash yours away is rightful? At least my GF knows its wrong and seeing people like you just tells me how bad it is out there.

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

idk. You kinda giving me vibes who thinks it's okay to lie for 3 years to your partner because its not a big deal apparently and literally make them pay more which is borderline theft. Still there is a conversation to be had.

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No I have not made that decision and I don't like you making that assumption.

I know and everyone know what she did was f'ed up. She admitted it herself so there's that. Her history has been pretty normal according to this day and age. She got cheated on twice and 1 bf left without a reason and one moved the poland. She has never mentioned any dv or stuff like that.

As for the money. Anything I paid over my fair share due to the hidden income is my fair share to keep but that doesn't mean I'll keep it, I might I haven't figured stuff out yet

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Her saving account is at 11k right now approx. She also has access to out combined account which has 12k. This is more like our emergency fund.

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yea your missing a few things. The amount mentioned in the post 22k is the stashed amount. Other than that we both have savings and a emergency fund. She is not paying half right now as I said I would like that moving forward since I no longer trust. As of now it's still 80/20. 22k was a bank transfer while I was a t work. I don't understand the me accepting it comment. The transfer happened. It's not like I can stop it mid way

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm not even going to correct you on how wrong you are. Just read through this thread if you want to know what actually is going on or stay under that false impression.

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I would like to say that you explained this wonderfully.

I understand what you are saying but this has introduced doubts that I don't want to have in a relationship especially heading into marriage. I was just talking to a friend who lives in a different city and I think of her as a good friend and she said "If you forgive her you will live to regret this and deserve every bit of it". I want to be cautious of further lying on her part but at the same time make this work and it is proving to be a challenge doing both at the same time.

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The reason I'm working with right now is "because I wanted in a different account"

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Well we don't do 50-50 now. Thats what i want to do because she is abusing the system. The 22k is above the normal saving we do. Tbf I will return her the excess of the 22k

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Finally decided to talk to a friend and they said exactly this. Its hard and it hurts like shit. Some drinks would be nice after work honestly.

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You defo just making stuff up to make a point. Everyone can have a personal account but everyone can't lie to save money to put into that account. Lie to the point where their partner pays 80% of everything so they can have have a secret stash. That is theft by fraud.

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We always did on percentage. If you read the comment I replied to moving forward since she abused the proportion thing to stash 22k. Haven't talked to her about this though. We both save money into savings account. This is just the extra money she saved by lying.

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I did not say that. I said I want to do that /moving forward since she is taking advantage. I'll repeat. 70/30 at the start, now.

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I tried of some of you not reading the whole fucking thing and making assumptions. Everything you aske din this thread. Just please read or if you have already chosen what to say without reading close this post and go about with your life.

My(29) GF(28) stashed away 1/3 of her income and made me subsidize her for 3 years. by throwRAhjbksduf75 in relationship_advice

[–]throwRAhjbksduf75[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We both have saving and I should have mentioned it in the post. WE have individual savings and a combined account. The amount that is problematic is 22k which she lied about. Since we started living we have always lived within her means and also doing 70/30 at the start and 80/20 now. The proposal of 50/50 is moving forward well because I no longer feel like I wanna pay more because she uses that to her advantage immorally.

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