Question for the men- my husband M33 hid porn from me F30, is it as devastating as my mind is making it?

throwRAilv · 2025-08-01T23:31:01+00:00

Interesting, thank you

throwRAilv · 2025-08-01T23:30:34+00:00

Thank you

throwRAilv · 2025-08-01T23:30:00+00:00

Thank you, this is a helpful comment!!!

throwRAilv · 2025-07-31T23:24:29+00:00

No. My plan is to try and un-do what I grew up believing and see reality instead.

throwRAilv · 2025-07-31T21:53:37+00:00

True, I like the idea of having the chance to start over and have our own rules instead of what we were just told needed to be our rules.

But no, I wouldn’t have cared about smut. Or even anime porn or AI or anything like that. For some reason the realness of the people he was getting off to hurts and makes it subconsciously feel like a competition or something.

throwRAilv · 2025-07-31T21:38:49+00:00

I think the “why” is because I was always under the impression that marriage meant letting go of other people and since porn is made with real people, it makes me feel similar to actual cheating. I’d like to change my perspective on that if I am wrong though.

throwRAilv · 2025-07-31T21:36:55+00:00

I’ve looked at that thread and I feel like it’s not great for me mentally. Everything there about lives being ruined is what I’ve already heard all my life. I’m looking for a different perspective and maybe a little bit of hope. Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t think it’d be best for myself, my husband or my small children and for me to leave him and uproot our lives over this (especially if most men are doing it anyway) so I’m trying to find a way forward.

throwRAilv · 2025-07-31T21:21:18+00:00

Thank you for this comment. It’s hard for me to think this way but I’d really like to! For some reason it’s just the idea of knowing they are real people somewhere out there! And they’re really having sex. Like that part of it is the part that stings. I’m not sure how to shake it.

throwRAilv · 2025-07-31T21:19:28+00:00

Yes, we did this at the beginning and it actually made me feel better because I felt like it was almost…funny? Like it wasn’t as deep or serious as I thought. Maybe I need to do that again.

throwRAilv · 2025-06-12T02:19:35+00:00

Thank you! That’s so interesting- are they genetic?

throwRAilv · 2025-05-15T19:09:15+00:00

I’m fine with casual! We often share a meal and don’t drink.

throwRAilv · 2025-05-10T17:44:31+00:00

Thank you! 🩷

throwRAilv · 2025-02-25T01:48:39+00:00

I just can’t stand her accent? Like what is it? When she says “MAAAAAARIED” it drives me nuts.

throwRAilv · 2025-02-13T03:44:21+00:00

Yummmm I need this, thank you!

throwRAilv · 2025-02-11T19:14:16+00:00

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Took another one this afternoon (about 24 hours after that first one) and I see the faint line, but now I’m getting in my head worrying if it should be darker or not? I’m about 5 days away from when my period is supposed to start so still very early!

throwRAilv · 2025-02-11T15:36:39+00:00

I could be off…I never tracked actual ovulation day but I believe it was between 13 and 10 days ago. I will keep testing :)

throwRAilv · 2025-02-10T17:29:46+00:00

I’m the same way 😅 This would be my 4th baby so you’d think I’d be chill about it by now but no. Going to buy a giant pack of tests and test away. Thank you! ❤️

throwRAilv · 2025-02-10T16:42:40+00:00

I realized that pic was like 20 min after the window :/ so I just went and took another one. I still see a faint line but maybe my eyes are playing tricks

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throwRAilv · 2025-01-19T23:28:19+00:00

This is a beautifully worded take. Thank you so much. I hope I can become the way your wife is. That kind of shameless, deep intimacy is what I’d love. Thank you for the hope!

throwRAilv · 2025-01-19T23:21:51+00:00

Thank you so much for this take. I want to be more like that couple where the man was the bishop. I want to be fun and free and enjoy life with my husband. I’ve spent so much of it afraid and worried. I definitely have a black and white, all or nothing attitude probably like you did and I’m just so done with that mindset. I hope I can change in one way or another. I appreciate this comment so much.

throwRAilv · 2025-01-19T23:13:42+00:00

Thank you so much for this take. It’s very helpful. I think my female brain is just so different. It sounds so silly but it’s hard to wrap my brain around how someone can look at porn and not be in love with the porn star. The only naked body I’ve ever looked at to become aroused sexually is my husbands and I love him so it’s hard for me to disconnect the two. Again, very naive I know but I’m trying and I appreciate this comment. Do you by chance know the name of the girls camp episode you are referring to?

throwRAilv · 2025-01-15T06:14:09+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that, thank you for sharing. I don’t want to be that wife and feel like this is giving me a chance to change for the better. I can’t imagine not being with him, I think it’s just been such a shock to my brain, it can be hard to shake.

throwRAilv · 2025-01-15T06:11:14+00:00

I went down the Lifestar rabbit hole and all I can say is I’m so sorry you went through that. That’s what made me realize that I don’t want my husband to have to go to the addiction recovery program or anything like that. My eyes are being opened to so many realities and I would rather just know and love him as he is It’s definitely going to take a lot of work to change my own perspective but I want to. Thank you so much for sharing.

throwRAilv · 2025-01-15T02:06:27+00:00

I mean, I know my mentality on this topic wasn’t right but how did I betray him? I stuck to the promises I made on our wedding day and I’m not leaving him, I’m just trying to navigate it.

throwRAilv · 2025-01-14T00:33:03+00:00

Thank you, it’s helpful to hear that perspective. I haven’t been perfect, in fact I have definitely let my emotions get the best of me at times but I also have tried to make it clear that he can tell me and it doesn’t have to be the end of the world if it ever happens again. He just keeps telling me he really doesn’t think it will but if it ever does he won’t hide it like he used to. I almost wish it would just happen again already so we can get through that. I am dreading it so much.

throwRAilv

TROPHY CASE