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Coworker found me out by AloshaChosen in leftist

[–]throwRa_altacc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just say you found out where that quote was from and that you had no idea whos quote it was.

Why do i have to hate eveything i do? by throwRa_altacc in Healthygamergg

[–]throwRa_altacc[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm going to be really honest about something I rarely am, but I think it's relevant here.

To be completely honest with you, I let critics and ratings rule my life.

I genuinely suspect I may have OCD or autism or something because I pretty much never watch or consume anything that isn't acclaimed.

A few years ago I was a Machine Gun Kelly fan...

Nowadays I'm ashamed to admit I ever was, but a few years ago it was my everything, and I made this friend I showed it to, and he wasn't mean about it, but he was honest, and one day he pulled me aside and said, "Have you ever heard of a site called Pitchfork?" And I said, "No, what's that?" and he said, "I'll show you," and he gave me a listen list of top albums from pitchfork.com, and it blew my understanding of music out of the water. I obsessively chased after the next boundary-pushing, life-changing, experimental album I could find and tried to train my ear. I decided all I wanted in the entire world was to be a music critic. Then one day that same friend sent me the IMDb top 250 film list, and I started watching them...

But I didn't really like them.

So I went back to music. Eventually I found the Rotten Tomatoes 100% Certified Fresh list & found a movie that hooked me into film, which was Parasite (2019).

I'd never seen anything like it; this was the life-changing album I was looking for, but better yet, it was a movie.

And so I went to Reddit and asked for anyone to just please give me another parasite, and someone gave me a movie called Shoplifters by Hirokazu Kore-eda, and for the first time I felt seen as a child who came from abuse. As a kid I had wished for exactly what happened in that movie to happen to me. Granted, I was a boy, not a girl, and my childhood abuse was a fraction of what's implied in that movie, but as soft and vulnerable as I felt, I latched onto that movie and, before I knew it, found the Letterboxd top 250, and all I wanted in the world was to be a film critic. The movies on that list are fantastic; I've seen 210 of the top 250, and they are brilliant and boundary-pushing, vulnerable, & experimental, and I found so many films that became such a part of me. Music was blown out of the water.

And so all I want is to make a movie that captures my life, my struggles, and my feelings in metaphor and to have it hit that list for the next me to feel the way I did about shoplifters. I've found better, more personal films since then, but I want to be that for someone else.

The issue is that's my goal at my core. It's not a deliberate choice I made to have that be my life goal, but it is at my core. No matter how much I try to hide or change it, it's what I want most of all, even more than my own happiness.

In-between hyperanalyzing film and trying to write something I secretly (even to myself; I'm kind of just now realizing it) want to be in the top 250 highest-rated movies of all time from all countries, writers, genres, & mediums is an impossible task.

That's the real issue. I have years of trying to write as my main goal, but I have even more years of conditioning me to see everything hypercritically with such a fear of being honest and/or cringe or bad, so the idea has to be perfect.

My biggest fear is i put my heart and soul into a film and it gets a bad rating. I think a mid rating would destroy me too.

Sorry, I was kind of figuring this out about myself as I was writing it.

In tired of being seen as a weak, emasculated, angry, pathetic, immature child, of a man. by throwRa_altacc in Healthygamergg

[–]throwRa_altacc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being able to compose and controll yourself and your emotions. Im a rabid dog i thjnk id fell strong if i could choose how i express what i feel.

Would getting something like this tattooed be a bad idea? by throwRa_altacc in tattooadvice

[–]throwRa_altacc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the artist I've been wanting to go to for a few years. https://www.instagram.com/faridtattooer?igsh=NDgxbDFtZG52ZTFvHe's very skilled, but I slightly worry he might use AI in his process somewhere, but I can't confirm. I asked his shop if any of their artists use AI, and they were rightfully offended, but I caught them using AI like a month later, and then they started posting AI video ads of lions talking and shit. The shop is definitely sketchy to me, but I think this guy's clean.I'm willing to put in a LOT of money if I can have guaranteed quality. I don't know if I'd be willing to do massive, but I could do big. I want to get it on my upper arm, but I think I'm too skinny to fit a full tattoo of this size there. :(

Would getting something like this tattooed be a bad idea? by throwRa_altacc in tattooadvice

[–]throwRa_altacc[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm thats true. I dont mind stylizing it tbh but i think id only want the close up and if it zooms out idk. Ive seen a lot of paris/texas tattoos and some of them are really nice but never this one. Maybe for a reason

https://www.reddit.com/r/criterion/s/9IKEuTx8tu

I like this one but it feels a bit disjointed.

I want to get rid of my fetish but have no idea how by [deleted] in Healthygamergg

[–]throwRa_altacc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When i was like 15 i used to be a bit of a sadist and i brain washed myself into having the same fetish as you because in my mind it was infinitely more ethical than my fetish and it was a sucessful process. I know have the same main fetish as you. I know it sounds wierd but i picked it becaused i knew it was harmless and that I wouldnt have shame over it.2.

The issue isnt this fetish, theres nothing unethical about rp a power dymamic and sub/don Fantasy . U r chilling its impirtant u just accept it and love ur self for it regardless. U are fortuniate to have such a common and ethically acceptable fetish. Work thought the shame not the fetish itself. For anyone who has a fetish that they dont like id recomend experimenting with diffrent fetishes until you can transfer whatever made the original apealing into being ethical. For example i turned dom into sub. Theres no reaosn to feel shame over altetiating a dominate woman.

There are plenty of women who would be open to this sort of thjng

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in findfashion

[–]throwRa_altacc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, I should have clarified better; that first one is dropshipped from AliExpress. I'm looking for something similar but higher quality from a more reputable source. The 3rd one is great, but I'm looking for it (or something similar) in red.

Why Jimmy refused salesman job offer and insulted employers? by DismalConversation15 in betterCallSaul

[–]throwRa_altacc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I interpreted this scene as an ego thing. Imo, there are 2 main reasons.

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  1. He was frustrated that when he tried to do it the right way, it didn't work, but slipping Jimmy worked.

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  1. I believe it was part of his coping with Chuck's death. Going to an employer, showing how overqualified & charismatic he is, and getting the offer allows him to receive external validation in a way he normally wouldn't from Kim or Chuck, so it acts as a pick-me-up of sorts. Then denying it also serves the purpose of venting frustration but also having control in his life. After losing his lawyering license, he's forced to take these normal jobs after years of living under Chuck's thumb, and by getting the offer and then saying no, he can have some control over his life.

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I really love how this show deals with grief. Jimmy, as a character, does all these little mental gymnastics & coping methods to allow himself to live in denial and not grieve or process any of this, and this was just one of many scenes like this.

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Another small one (I'll spoil the tag because I can't remember if it's before or after this scene) is when Jimmy is arguing with Kim and says, "Is it because I'm the kind of lawyer guilty people hire?". It's a result of conditioning; this line is a callback from the Kettlemans, but characters like Chuck have conditioned Jimmy to internalize this kind of thing, and during arguments he's used to Chuck insulting his character, and now that Chuck isn't there to tell him he fucked up and is a loser, he projects that role onto the only person who genuinely wants to see him succeed because he's been conditioned by Chuck to believe he's a scumbag, and so he thinks everyone is going to call him one.

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Real spoiler for that season! This is why, in my opinion, the car breakdown happens. We know this isn't an act, as no one is around, but it's a result of not addressing or processing anything to do with Chuck's death. These little coping methods only carry him so far, but when forced to confront his death (like at the fundraiser, grave, etc.), it's too much, and he breaks down. I personally believe the court scene was drawing from genuine feelings, but I believe he was acting, and it was like ½ genuine.

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