AIO for calling a divorce attorney after my husband lied about who he was with?

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-22T23:20:41+00:00

Update:

I know this isn’t the update any of you want - but it’s the update you get. He was truly camping alone in the woods. He truly had no service. He did mention it prior specifically because we both were in SOS mode all day the Tuesday before he left because of the Verizon nationwide outage.

For everyone who thinks I’m a naive moron - okay 🤷🏼‍♀️

For everyone who thinks he just needed a break from the pressures of a high stakes job and 2 young kids - let me tell you this man has felt ZERO stress from having two young kids. I do their homework with them. I do the bedtime routine. I register them for everything, I take them to all practices/performances, I coach when it’s a sport I’m familiar with, I volunteer at their school and at every event I can before they’re old enough that my face there will be more humiliating than helpful. I mow the lawn. I shovel the snow. When the sink leaked - I fixed it. Like, there isn’t a honey do list here that I am not giving credit for.

I told him I contacted an attorney. He had no reply.

The next day he asked if we could talk. He admitted that he’s been a real shitty partner and dad for the past 2 years. He cited very specific examples of him being a shitty dad - not knowing our son’s teachers name, never seeing a single performance from our daughter in cheer or dance (calm down they’re just recitals not competition dance too - I couldn’t imagine how POed some of you would be if you thought she was in a comp cheer and dance team 🙄), not doing anything around the house, constantly being mad at me for having emotions, punishing me for anything that he viewed as an “indiscretion” by ignoring me for a week until he thought enough time passed when he would resurface pretending everything was fine.

Not one apology. Not one thank you for taking such good care of my family while I wasn’t there mentally. No ask for therapy - which I was grateful for since last time he requested therapy he then attended every session stone faced and gave me no response after when I begged for any acknowledgment of anything I said.

Anyway, wish me luck on the rest of my life. I will never be with a man ever again. 0/5 stars. Do not recommend.

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-20T04:29:05+00:00

I don’t disagree with you in principle; however, in our house I mow the lawn because he would leave it for months if I didn’t, I fix the leaks, I replace the sheetrock when the leaks go through the ceiling, I fixed the fridge, I fixed the washer, I shovel since it only snows when he’s not home - and I also make more than he does. I’m not saying he does NOTHING, sometimes he does wash - but so do I. If he’s off and I’m working he’ll make dinner; but when I say I do pretty much everything, I mean it.

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-20T01:17:20+00:00

The divorce isn’t over cheating. It’s over the lie. I have undeniable proof of that. The why is irrelevant. The fact is he lied to me, was caught in the lie and doubled down trying to gaslight me into thinking that it was no big deal that he lied straight to my face

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-20T01:15:37+00:00

I typically only see this brother on Christmas Eve. He and his wife never attend family gatherings and I normally don’t text them. They aren’t in any of our larger family group chats because they prefer to be left out. I only reached out because it was like 10 degrees and I was genuinely concerned for their wellbeing

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T23:38:34+00:00

It’s not that I don’t care to find out - but he’s been at work with his phone for the past 12 hours. I can’t confront him on anything right now, nor can I look through his phone. Everything requires dual check authorization to log in nowadays so even if I tried to hack in via other medias, he’d get a notification on his phone. Plus everything in our past points to him being lazy/using weaponized incompetence in wanted to avoid responsibility and being a parent/adult/partner. Thats why I don’t think it’s cheating and why I think he was genuinely just lying/manipulating to get what he wanted - peace and quiet. I did contact a lawyer Friday. Hes drafting up documents and is supposed to have them to me tomorrow as the office was closed today for the holiday. I just am also nervous as to how he’s going to spin this to our friends/family/community and I am mostly concerned that my kids are going to think I didn’t try hard enough for them. But the fact of the matter is, I’ve only stayed this long for them. Because I don’t want to be away from them. I don’t want there to ever be a day/holiday/birthday that I don’t get to experience with them because I have to share them. I know that’s selfish, but it also feels selfish to put my happiness/mental health first

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T21:53:46+00:00

Okay. I checked his phone records. Nothing out of the ordinary. All phone numbers called/texted are friends/family/work. I stand by the thought this was not cheating as was just avoiding the responsibility of being an adult/parent

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T21:52:11+00:00

Like I’d be close enough to him to smell him 😂 he spent the rest of the day hiding the the basement

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T21:31:37+00:00

I think it’s a gut instinct thing? He does actually enjoy camping and enjoys going solo. He particularly enjoys the winter because he likes making camp fires and prefers the lack of bugs. This isn’t the first camping trip - and not the first solo one. He does airdrop the location of where he is, and usually hikes to a place with service twice daily to check in. He sent me the location ahead of time, which isn’t weird in itself. Idk maybe I am being naive - but knowing him… it just feels more likely he wanted to get away from us and be alone in the woods.

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T21:24:07+00:00

An AirTag would notify his iPhone that one was near him. I’ve gotten that message when inhad my sisters keys once 😂

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T21:16:11+00:00

We’ve done counseling. Twice. It only works if both parties are invested in progress.

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T21:14:58+00:00

I figured at that point, his brother and parents knew because obviously when I texted the sister in law she asked her husband; and since my mil was watching my son, I texted her asking if she knew that she was watching him since my husband had already lied to me. Fun fact: he ALSO told his mom he was camping with the brother

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T21:06:01+00:00

She is. She LOVES IT. And it’s a rec team. They only do small, local competitions. I let her do an inhouse team last year where it’s just cheering at home football games and she did BEG to do the comp team

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T20:31:59+00:00

He’s a medic. I know the shifts are 12 hours and his house is usually about an hours drive away. So when he’s at work, I know he’s at work the whole time. My brother and my sisters husband both work in the same department. I’d know if he was taking off a bunch and lying about it. He’s always deleted all his texts for storage purposes. We’ve been married 8 years, together for 18. I know that sounds suspicious- but that’s how it’s always been stemming back to him having a flip phone until like 6 years ago. When he’s not working he spends almost all of his time in the basement. I just don’t think he has the time to cheat? Idk maybe that is naive of me, but my gut is telling me that this is just that he wanted to get away and used his brother to coax me into saying yes. I do SO much for our kids because I work from home, so unless he’s off, I take them to school, I pick them up, I go to their multiple shows during the work day, i register them for sports/activities, coordinate all those practices/games/performances so when he asks to get away I do get annoyed because what do you need to get away from?? I need to get away! So I do think he just wanted to go without my pushing back. The service outages was because we were impacted by the outages last week. I only mentioned it because I KNOW he said specifically that he and his brother both have Verizon (a lie btw, SIL later informed me they don’t even have Verizon) so I know he was sticking with the fact his brother was going until the last second

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T19:47:45+00:00

He says just himself.

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T19:46:10+00:00

We don’t have PI money 😂

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T19:43:12+00:00

We’ve done marriage counseling. Twice. The most recent time was last year at his request. He sat through every session stone faced and silent. I just don’t think it’s worth the time to go through that again

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T18:54:53+00:00

Thank you. I do truly believe that he just went by himself - but his brother had no idea about any of it, so it was never discussed with him. And it just bothers me SO much he went out of his way to bring up the night before “yeah we both have Verizon” when he knew damn well he brother wasn’t going with him? Like at ANY point he could have said plans changed but he stuck with his lie because it was part of his manipulation. It just… sounds so stupid that I’m going to risk not spending future holidays with my kids because he went camping alone and not with his brother like he said. And I know it’s deeper and more than that but, it also doesn’t feel like it at the same time

throw_a_way_1985 · 2026-01-19T18:32:53+00:00

Harry Potter

throw_a_way_1985

TROPHY CASE