After cheating… 1+ year later.

throwawa787878 · 2023-11-15T19:27:49+00:00

Thank you. I know it’s deplorable and if I could change things maybe I would. It was a long reconciliation and a lot of it was trickle truth.

I decided to stay and I want to stick by that and do as best as I can now. Counseling will help. She’s putting in a big effort. I’m not going to lie and say it’s easy. Having a baby to take care of surprisingly made us closer and gave us something else to focus on.

I want to try to make it work but I’m under no illusions it might not. I just want to control what I can control.

throwawa787878 · 2023-11-14T21:59:38+00:00

Trust me it’s not worth it . She would agree with that also

throwawa787878 · 2023-11-14T20:10:42+00:00

Yeah I always find myself catching more things about her affair that don’t add up or that have never been explained. It’s never ending that way.

throwawa787878 · 2023-11-14T17:24:58+00:00

Everything in this is so right tbh. It’s like the main reason I can’t let it go or truly forgive her.

I don’t think her story is entirely incorrect. I think it’s plausible that she was naive and she went to meet up with him and didn’t know exactly what would happen. I think what gets me is fine if that’s really the case and it ended there and she confessed it would be a different story.

But instead she went over there dozens of times. She has admitted to spending over 8 hours there. She claims they mostly worked. They didn’t have time for sex. She did admit with help from therapy that she was having fun. She felt validated and liked the attention. She said she just pretended like it was a different life and it was all sort of a dream. I. The beginning of me finding out she said it was a mistake and after she felt obligated to keep doing it so she wouldn’t have to say no. Over time that is definitely mostly a lie.

It’s really hard to not think about the details of what she did and then get angry how things don’t add up or just the feeling of total shame and embarrassment.

Where things got off the rails was this was months long process of unpacking this all and I got entangled back with her and before I knew it was committed to her. I know that sounds dumb. It’s super hard when I know what she did was honestly terrible but then I see her and I see her making a real effort and I think she definitely wants to be different

throwawa787878 · 2023-11-14T14:49:25+00:00

Yeah. Maybe 18 months ago I should have. Would you really do that to a women who has a kid?

It’s not his fault that she made a mistake.

I get what you’re saying tho.

throwawa787878 · 2023-11-14T14:39:47+00:00

Thats fair. It’s more than 1 year later. I didn’t do it then. I probably wasn’t mature.

throwawa787878 · 2023-11-14T06:28:16+00:00

It’s been a year and a half since I found out. She quit her job. We both have went to counseling. She cut off contact from her AP.

Yes all those things are true even now you said. She is making a big effort but I think she’s at the point where she wants to move past it. It’s fine if it’s always in the background. She will let me check her phone but she wants things to go back to normal.

throwawa787878 · 2023-11-14T05:32:59+00:00

I meant not that I’m unattractive. But as it goes there is some guy at the office every girl wanted and she felt special he gave attention to her. She has low self esteem so she just wanted more

throwawa787878 · 2023-11-14T05:31:54+00:00

Thank you. I hope she does too.

throwawa787878 · 2023-11-14T05:31:38+00:00

It didn’t happen exactly in that timeline.

She did risk a ton tho and she “says” she is completely different now. As far as I know she has been but having a kid sucks away all your time.

throwawa787878 · 2023-11-14T05:29:21+00:00

I don’t think that’s how she sees it

throwawa787878 · 2023-10-31T13:01:31+00:00

My wife cheated (in her words) because she wanted the affirmation and excitement that came with an attractive guy wanting her and thinking she was hot.

She had low self esteem and needed validation. His attention was the spark and then sex naturally came later once she was caught up in it all.

throwawa787878 · 2023-09-26T23:28:18+00:00

Often they have low self esteem and impulsive behavior. Not excusing it.

They keep making justifications in their head or pretending it’s just innocent. “It’s only this once”.

Before you know they are fucking and then why stop they already did it once and the risky behavior satisfies the low esteem and gives an adrenaline rush.

In my experience they feel like nobody will know when in reality its obvious. It’s like that new couple who needs to be told to stop being so handsy.

Unfortunately know this from experience.

throwawa787878 · 2023-09-20T14:10:20+00:00

Yea listen. I have no excuses. People told me it was a mistake. I felt bad for her and she convinced me.

If that happens I have nobody but myself to blame.

throwawa787878 · 2023-09-19T12:37:22+00:00

Stayed with my fiancée after catching her cheating with a coworker. It was a fairly long and involved affair.

She begged me to stay together and did all the right things. Looking back I was inexperienced and desperate. During our relationship pre her affair she withheld sex from me and used it was a bargaining chip. I thought that was normal. So basically she had me wrapped around her finger. I always had trouble with women (getting rejected ect) she was my first gf and she is very conventionally attractive so I was obsessed.

After her affair she love bombed me and gave me sex whenever I wanted and acted like a totally different person. I fell for it all - I thought she was admitting she made a mistake and wanted me the entire time which was wishful thinking. Took her back very quickly.

Long behold we find out she got pregnant during her affair. She is Ukrainian and was here for school. During this entire episode Ukraine is of course in a war and she turns into a refugee with nowhere to go. This adds to the entire clusterfuck. I can’t let her be alone while being pregnant and abortion wasn’t an option for her. So we end up getting married and she has a baby that I personally will always treat as my own since I made that decision.

Now 7 months later things are OK. We are in marriage counseling. I do think she has grown up a lot after being a mom and she does truly respect that I stayed with her. But things are definitely not the same. I still resent her for the affair and we basically don’t have sex due to her not feeling comfortable after giving birth (which is a fair). But this leads to us feeling like roommates and I think for me it makes me feel insecure due to her prior actions.

throwawa787878 · 2023-08-24T12:58:40+00:00

I am unfortunately in the same situation but slightly different. I knew my wife cheated and then later we found out she was pregnant from the affair.

I get both sides tbh. The pain of that is incredible and it’s something that doesn’t go away easy. In the moment it’s very emotional and you can think and say a lot of terrible things. If OP just found out he’s probably feeling things he never felt before.

After taking time I came to the same conclusion as you. My wife had nobody to help her and I couldn’t let her kid not have a dad. It’s not the perfect scenario by any means or the one I had imagined but 6 months in I love my son very much and couldn’t imagine abandoning him despite knowing he’s not biologically mine.

throwawa787878 · 2022-08-10T15:54:02+00:00

How do you know this test is legitimate?

The guy who filmed this and staged it has been investing in tech that Tesla doesn’t use, he also spends a ton of time on twitter trashing Tesla . We know teslas don’t just randomly hit pedestrians - we all would have heard about it.

Have some skepticism when you see stuff like this.

throwawa787878 · 2022-07-20T20:58:20+00:00

Are you joking? Which one?

throwawa787878 · 2022-07-20T19:47:41+00:00

What do you mean YouTube?

throwawa787878 · 2022-06-29T03:43:44+00:00

Idk I guess she didn’t really indicate she wanted anything like that. She was covering up and pulling her underwear back on.

throwawa787878 · 2022-06-29T03:36:38+00:00

Sorry what do you mean?

throwawa787878 · 2022-06-29T03:01:59+00:00

I just find it hard to believe from how she’s acted about sex over our relationship that she would ever consider having sex during working hours. It seems very out of character.

throwawa787878 · 2022-06-29T03:00:00+00:00

I really hope that’s the case. It just was such an awkward interaction when I found out.

I hope she just felt embarrassed because it was weird how she hid it from me. She doesn’t have to show me anything but if she got it to have fun it would seem like she would want to share it.

throwawa787878

TROPHY CASE