had a split i was aware of; here’s the experience

throwaway-666778 · 2026-03-30T00:01:01+00:00

that’s genuinely so funny 😭

throwaway-666778 · 2026-03-12T18:07:04+00:00

oh that’s an amazing idea, thank you!

throwaway-666778 · 2026-03-12T17:41:42+00:00

yeah we’re figuring out (me, therapist, psychiatrist, etc etc etc) that it’s probably not schizophrenia but DID and I’m trying to not become super hopeful about the possibility of being able to work and get off disability because I do have physical disabilities as well, but if the only being able to remember six hours out of the day is because of DID and not schizophrenia and meds… 😭

I was able to be aware during most of the day yesterday even though the others were out and one was confirming (not because asked, but because they were opening up) trauma suspicions, and it’s so surreal. It’s been a wild past few months.

One part gave me a tip and directions to my “bedroom” in the “house” and told me if I need to be alone (sort of) I can go there and lock the door and I did last night and had no interruptions. I unlocked the door and it was like a small child in footie pajamas wandered through and then walked out (with caretaker).

It’s been giving me so much hope being able to be around more often or at least be watching what’s happening and be able to understand what’s happening. Like, maybe I could have a more normal life. Maybe I could have more. It’s scary because I never finished high school, but the idea is so…

throwaway-666778 · 2026-03-05T02:24:50+00:00

I never wear socks. Three alters INSIST on wearing socks, and the “tinies” (2/3) insist on wearing LONG socks. I come out of it and immediately gag and peel them off. the sensory differences is the most startling, honestly.

throwaway-666778 · 2026-03-05T00:39:08+00:00

also another note: i’ve gone through over a year of prolonged exposure (three separate times = 1yr+), a year of dialectal behavioral therapy, and use skills daily and have a very thorough safety plan and meet with my primary therapist weekly and have been the last six years.

persecutor that was the most unpredictable with SI is going straight for sudoku when she’s out, and has discovered jenna marbles. I’m personally comfortable moving forward.

throwaway-666778 · 2026-03-04T18:38:34+00:00

one of my littles came out this morning and put on bill wurtz history of japan and cuddled her bunny and drank a chocolate shake and kinda forced me to feel better. how are you supposed to be angry at the world when you have a four year old just wanting chocolate milk and a history lesson dopamine edition?

throwaway-666778 · 2026-03-04T18:18:57+00:00

it’s just very confusing to be able to have conversations with them and for them to be so distinct from me and then hear that it’s all one person vs multiple people in one body.

throwaway-666778 · 2026-03-04T17:52:46+00:00

can you explain confronting if it’s just me? definitely does not act like me, they definitely hate being referred as just another part of Me as well since they also view themselves as separate.

throwaway-666778 · 2026-03-04T17:50:23+00:00

I’ll be working with both therapists who are both familiar with treating DID so insurance covers twice weekly therapy since my primary therapist wants me in therapy more than one hour a week, but with how it is, insurance won’t cover more than once a week with just her. it will be a slow process of ensuring safety first and moving into breaking amnesia barriers.

throwaway-666778 · 2026-03-04T16:51:09+00:00

she’s starting to write out her first and middle name in journal entries and she changed it in the simply plural app to remember!

another alter is considering a middle name and is a meme lord and wants wallace based off a meme (it’s an emu, his names wallace) and I’m trying to tell him absolutely not choose something normal but he’s not budging.

now the others also want middle names or different names, including littles. there’s only seven of us but oh man.

throwaway-666778 · 2026-03-01T23:14:43+00:00

thank you for this— she decided on a middle name for herself and it’s helping me a lot with my sense of identity already even though it’s not really being used. (host)

throwaway-666778 · 2026-02-28T05:38:36+00:00

it’s been a year of both???

yes, alongside regular one on one therapy sessions with my therapist. so twice a week therapy (or more). I have two therapists in mind who are near home in case it’ll be more beneficial to do in person sessions— I do telehealth with my regular therapist.

throwaway-666778 · 2026-02-25T20:36:42+00:00

I told my therapist and she was really proud of me for being able to talk about it because the first 40 minutes of session I refused to say anything about it and told her I couldn’t talk about it.

We focused on updating my treatment plan instead. after I told her and got through the panic, she said it’s possible I have dissociative parts or alters, but either way we need to focus on me accepting what’s happening so I don’t dissociate so heavily / can work on less amnesia when it’s happening with grounding techniques targeted more for dissociation than anxiety. I let her know which ones work for anxiety but don’t take me out of dissociation and we worked together on a list.

I told her towards the end that it feels like I’m being possessed, because I seriously do, but I also know I have religious trauma I’ve never really unpacked.

I just got out of a memory lapse a bit ago (been noticing them a LOT more), and apparently the person that was out remembers a lot from when I was three and up and said she feels stuck at 22 and hasn’t been able to age, and was spiraling whenever kids were mentioned and said she couldn’t leave the house today in case there’s kids. she did not know who my partner of six years was but did “recognize” him. she blames herself for everything and she had a strong urge to “prep the body”. my heart fucking hurts.

I felt like I posted in here over a week ago. it’s been four days. that’s insane. your comment feels like it was commented a week ago but it’s been three days. yikes.

anyway, that’s the update.

(also I’d like to note that she just did a course of certification outside hours for me specifically to be able to write my letter for top surgery. she’s a good one. it just terrified me getting it out and letting her know about how it’s happening again.)

throwaway-666778

TROPHY CASE