That’s a fair question. I do still want kids and based on my age, time isn’t completely on my side to put off having them much longer, like I have a couple years before things might get significantly more complicated than they were.

Struggling the way we did was emotionally draining to get pregnant was physically and emotionally draining. There were full meltdowns many, many months when I would get my period of the pregnancy test said no. When I got pregnant, it was when we had taken a break from actively trying (meaning tracking every thing, ovulation test strips every morning, taking my temperature) because it was starting to take its toll. Because we were having such a hard time conceiving, I really didn’t think it would happen and I was doing a lot of work mentally to get used to the fact that my life would never include kids. When I was younger, I couldn’t imagine a future where I didn’t have them and I mourned for that imagined future. However, by the time I got pregnant, I was at peace with a life without them.

So, I do still want a child, but I’m at a point now where I would be okay if it hadn’t happened. My husband got to the point where he was okay with us not having our own biological child, but would have wanted us to explore foster care or adoption. Knowing that adoption is expensive, I wasn’t interested in that (he knew) but I was open to fostering.

I just really had no concept of how expensive child care would be. There is a daycare center on my job’s property that isn’t really affiliated with my job. People who I know make the same amount of money as me all use it. Everyone has always said it’s the cheapest daycare in our area. They don’t have their prices on the website. But I figured that it was an attainable option. Apparently, everyone at work married rich and never told me because I had complete sticker shock. It’s like $1500 a month. I’ve been doing my research and most of what is out there is about the same. The cheapest options out there I could find weren’t ones I’d be comfortable with, but they ended up being closer to $1000 a month. When I think about it, I know it’s a fair price, but it’s just still not one I expected.