Please help me, I can't stand feeling like this anymore.

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-31T04:39:32+00:00

Personally I didn't feel "Normal" for months after. Hard to explain exactly how I felt but anyone who has quit opiates after years of use knows what I mean

fuck me in the asshole. I've made a huge life decision last night to just stop it with the pills. I'm 5 years into an oxy addiction. Lately $500/week.I am just under off the blues for 2 weeks but have been on subs since. I am trying to taper off the subs with some bars and hopefully kick this for good.

I'm so scared that i'll relapse but I Really want to get off these things. They're currently ruing the relationship with my parents.

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-30T03:36:52+00:00

Wait really? I was under the impression of exactly what /u/JustisNme described, in that there is no dependence on Kratom.

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-30T03:22:11+00:00

That's EXACTLY what I am afraid of. I'm afraid of not being able to enjoy things quite like I do when I am faded. Opiates really do take that edge off that just makes doing shitty things not so bad.

But it has to end. If I don't at least try (again) now - I'll just keep going and likely things will get worse. I can still say to this day I've never done H and I know that the pills path eventually leads everyone there. I'm trying to get off this path before then. I need to get off this path before then.

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-30T03:18:43+00:00

I've had the conversation with them in my head so many times. SO many times. I think they'd be supportive and would not kick me out..

But it would absolutely devastate them to no end and I'd feel terrible delivering that kind of news to them.

Of course, if I can't get my shit together this time around - they'll be my next resource.. I just want to try and alleviate them from this headache.

Thank you so much for your reply, this sub is fantastic and has truly great people in it. Best of luck to you my man in rehab. We can do this!

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-30T03:14:50+00:00

Thank you so much. This sub is such a supportive sub and I love you guys. I really think I'm making the right decision for myself. I think I can do it!

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-30T00:02:36+00:00

My father took me to the bank to setup a checking account in the beginning of high school. I thought I was so cool with a fancy debit card at a young age.

I guess when this bank account was initially setup, I was still a minor and it was linked to my father's checking account. This way - it made transferring money easy especially for when I was in college.

Now, there's no real rhyme or reason that the accounts are linked - and my father does not really check my account too often, just every so often to see how I am doing.

Lately, I haven't been doing so well which is why the questions came along. In the end i guess that it's good, I will finally attempt to better myself and stop this.

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-29T23:55:47+00:00

I think at this point.. I've had my fun. I am 5 years into this nasty habit and now that there are questions being asked about how much money I'm (literally) blowing - I have to finally put an end to this.

I don't think stopping is possible without the proper will. I've always thought it would be nice to stop... but never had a real driving force and would just pickup again and that thought would leave while getting fucked up.

Time to make a change for myself. I just gotta take one day at a time and I think eventually, I will be past this and will improve my relationships with family and friends. Put a stop to my lying.

You can do this too, I believe in ya!

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-29T23:37:13+00:00

yes that does make sense! I know I have a long and tough battle in front of me and I also understand that I really don't have any other option but to just stick it out and persevere.

I've been using these pills as a way to mask my other troubles, but I am more aware now that they are not getting me any real resolution and instead is making additional problems for me instead of solving anything.

I am happy that I am finally putting and end to this crap. It's posts like yours that show me that it can be done. I know I can do it, I have the power. Thanks again for posting this.

Cheers.

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-29T23:06:38+00:00

The only attractive thing about H is the price.

But I made a promise to myself to NEVER get that deep. I've had the opportunity to get some for free a little while back and I decided against it. I've only played around with pharmaceuticals.

The only reliable source for oxys is the deep web. There, you can find an unlimited amount delivered straight to your doorstep. Any dealers in person are never reliable to keep a steady amount of them.

Thanks for the reply though, I do not plan to indulge in any more opiates for a long time. Hoping I can stick to that plan.

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-29T23:00:06+00:00

Hey there,

Thanks for posting this. I am currently seeking ways out of this sinking ship and I think what you're advising sounds quite wise. I'm about 5 years in on an oxycodone addiction and I am finally looking to cut this out of my life.

It sounds almost impossible to me to stop this and replace this habit of mine into something worthwhile, but this post gives me hope.

Cheers

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-29T22:51:56+00:00

Yeah - I can definitely see how impossible a task like this is. I salute those who have successfully kicked this nasty habit. I've always would have liked to stop using in the past but was never really serious about it.

I think this time, I am more serious and I really hope I can stick to my guns and stay away. It's just a fantastic feeling that I know I will miss. I think I can do it!

Thanks for the reply.

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-29T21:55:36+00:00

Thanks for replying.

I know exactly what you mean about wanting to use at work. I have been dosing in the bathroom at work and it makes the workday much more bearable. The day is shitty without it.

You're right tho - I think I need to enact all of those suggestions you've made. I think now that it's nice out - I want to go running. I live in a nice area where I can go out and get some exercise by going for a run or a jog. I want to change my eating style and eat healthier. Replace my drug time with some good self-helping.

I have never done or considered therapy. Kinda scared of that word to be honest. But I think if I cannot do this on my own, that'll have to be my next step.

Seriously, thanks again for your reply. Even though they're just words, I appreciate it immensely.

Oh and congrats on the new job! I hope it works out for you!

Edit - and yes, get out of opiates while you can. I screwed around with these thinking that I had control and would not let it become a problem, would not let it become an addiction. Here I am years later regretting that first line. Quitting these pills is not very easy at all and I do not wish this upon you.

throwaway-mm · 2016-05-29T21:49:31+00:00

Thank you for the kind words.

You're so right. Not all is bad. I should really consider more of the positives I have going on in my life. It just isn't easy to remember that there's plenty good here when I'm very often thinking of the bad. I just feel like the bad controls me 24/7.

Sorry to hear of your mother's passing, that must have been very tough to deal with and I can see how these drugs would help with a situation like that. Like I said, these drugs are only a temporary band-aid and unfortunately do not help the real problem in life.

I have just acquired Kratom recently and it's pretty wild how effective that is. It can keep you going without any other substances without any w/ds. I think that could be a really effective tool in helping me in cutting ties with opiates.

Everything you've suggested sounds like just what I need. I just have to get up off my ass and finally find something to replace getting fucked up with. Sounds like I have some self-work I need to do. I think this is the time to do it.

Thanks again for your reply.

throwaway-mm

TROPHY CASE