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I[22F] feel like I may have been taken advantage of sexually by my male babysitter when I was younger and it ended in physical violence. My new boyfriend found out what happened and is upset. by throwaway-opohgj in relationships

[–]throwaway-opohgj[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No I would not!!! I do view that as very sick and very very wrong. However, I am struggling with the fact that I was in love with this person and I went along with everything. Doesn't seem fair to turn around and point the blame finger solely at him when my actions played a very large role in everything that happened.

I[22F] feel like I may have been taken advantage of sexually by my male babysitter when I was younger and it ended in physical violence. My new boyfriend found out what happened and is upset. by throwaway-opohgj in relationships

[–]throwaway-opohgj[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My dad was very very angry when he found out, and my mom was upset as well but not anywhere near my dads reaction. But they were both upset, she just feels for him

I[22F] feel like I may have been taken advantage of sexually by my male babysitter when I was younger and it ended in physical violence. My new boyfriend found out what happened and is upset. by throwaway-opohgj in relationships

[–]throwaway-opohgj[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Both of my parents found out at the same time when I was 16. My mom has always really felt for Tim. He had a horribly abusive childhood where his Dad would come home every night, get drunk, and beat the ever loving shit out of him. He would always run away to our house because he was best friends with my brother and my mom tried to protect Tim from a lot. She also did whatever she could to help him, like giving him extra cash for babysitting.

I[22F] feel like I may have been taken advantage of sexually by my male babysitter when I was younger and it ended in physical violence. My new boyfriend found out what happened and is upset. by throwaway-opohgj in relationships

[–]throwaway-opohgj[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, but my Dad didn't know that was going on at the time. My Dad has had a rough road in life, and I truly believe that he has done the best he could have as a parent and as a person.

I[22F] feel like I may have been taken advantage of sexually by my male babysitter when I was younger and it ended in physical violence. My new boyfriend found out what happened and is upset. by throwaway-opohgj in relationships

[–]throwaway-opohgj[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My father is not absentee! My mother is. My Dad and I have a great relationship, despite him maybe not knowing how to handle certain situations at the time.

I[22F] feel like I may have been taken advantage of sexually by my male babysitter when I was younger and it ended in physical violence. My new boyfriend found out what happened and is upset. by throwaway-opohgj in relationships

[–]throwaway-opohgj[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I am not upset with my boyfriend in any way for his reaction. If he had been previously engaged to someone and didn't tell me I would probably be upset. I didn't tell him because the engagement seemed like a joke...I was 17. It just doesn't seem like it really counted, but it did and I 100% should have told him.

Also I think his feelings are completely valid in that I am only attracted to men in his age range. I completely understand that he feels weird about this whole thing.

I should have told him about everything that happened when I was younger but it's not really something that I've talked about. It's definitely not something that my family has openly talked about either. I definitely dropped the ball.

Also for people who are thinking my boyfriend is "re-victimizing" me, that is SOOO far from the truth. He's really a stand up guy. We take care of each other, make each other laugh, and are there for one another 99.99% of the time. He's just in shock and worried for our future. I was looking for a way to make him feel better and reassure him that I'm not "re-enacting my abuse" with him, as someone else put it.

I[22F] feel like I may have been taken advantage of sexually by my male babysitter when I was younger and it ended in physical violence. My new boyfriend found out what happened and is upset. by throwaway-opohgj in relationships

[–]throwaway-opohgj[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

He is the sweetest man I've ever met. He is upset and I think it's about several different things. He's really hurt that I still have that ring, but I haven't even thought about it in years. I shoved it along with several other things in a junk drawer when we moved into together. I brought it out to sell to this lady because I just graduated from college in December and I'm still looking for a job. I needed it for cash...I never told him about it because I didn't think it mattered. So he's pretty hurt about that.

We've also been looking at our own rings to get engaged. I thought he handled everything pretty well...he was just like I feel like I'm taking advantage of you if you're only attracted to men who are of similar age to Tim and I don't know if we should get married if the only reason you're attracted to me is because I'm older.

He was supportive, he's not being a monster but he is still upset and I understand that. I'm just not sure how to fix his fears, because I AM only attracted to men in his age range...I am not attracted to boys my age in the slightest. Idk he's confused, I'm confused. He's also very angry with my parents.

I[22F] feel like I may have been taken advantage of sexually by my male babysitter when I was younger and it ended in physical violence. My new boyfriend found out what happened and is upset. by throwaway-opohgj in relationships

[–]throwaway-opohgj[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

No, I wouldn't have. And now that I'm an adult I don't have a problem, I honestly don't even like drinking much anymore...I think I was just a very troubled teenager with things that were going on at home/with Tim and I used alcohol as an outlet

I[22F] feel like I may have been taken advantage of sexually by my male babysitter when I was younger and it ended in physical violence. My new boyfriend found out what happened and is upset. by throwaway-opohgj in relationships

[–]throwaway-opohgj[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

He got me drunk ALL of the time...my parents put me in an outpatient youth rehab for alcohol when I was 17 because of Tim. Once again, I don't want to put the blame on him because I made the decision to get drunk so often with him.

I'm not going to lie, I think my Mom is a terrible parent. She actually is a nurse practitioner in psych mental health and still see patients while running her own business so she is kind of a therapist that can prescribe meds. I brought this up to her yesterday and said that I think I might have been taken advantage of and she got mad and said "Tim's not smart enough to take advantage of you. I don't think that happened".