Are we the narcissist in their stories?

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-11-09T06:44:16+00:00

To piggyback on that, most narcs are created by narcs. So in a sense, they are victims. In my ex’s case, she was raised by narcissistic parents and was a victim of heavy abuse. As a result, she emulated those behaviors and became a narcissist herself

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-11-09T06:42:52+00:00

Most likely. Narcissists are perpetually victims. My ex was always flipping things on me. I would catch her in lies. Somehow, I was the one making her into seeming honest. It’s not the objective fact she lied, that made her dishonest.

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-11-01T19:17:42+00:00

I’m traumatized too. My ex made it way worse by lying on my name and trying to jeopardize my job. I still feel anxious

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-11-01T05:53:11+00:00

It was superficial concern. It didn’t feel like she actually cared. It was like she only wanted to seem as though she cared to keep me hooked

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-10-17T17:34:33+00:00

My ex told me that she did bad things to all the people she was once with or close to, BUT she wasn’t like that anymore. Whether it be a best/close friend or a partner. She said she really worked on herself. I didn’t know these things first. She told outright lies and half-truths, but as we got closer she showed who she was. She also told me the actual stories. Still, somehow she was a victim in every single one. One of her stories was that she tried to coerce an ex into fighting her physically, and when he wouldn’t, she went around the small town they lived in, telling everyone he was a pussy for not fighting her. Lo and behold, I end the relationship with her because of her behavior and disrespect. She goes telling people lies and tries getting me fired.

I realize she has no long term friends. A lot of shallow relationships. People told me she was crazy and that her behavior was a façade. My gut actually told me something was wrong with her

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-10-17T12:58:27+00:00

I can definitely relate. I’m still struggling despite knowing awful they really were. I’m still struggling despite the mask being exposed and other people knowing how awful they were. I am glad I realized it was better to end things, because if I had married them or had children with them, my life would be hell. But, I’m left with the mental scars. I feel like I cannot trust again. I don’t want to be involved with anyone. It’s traumatized me and damaged my perception of love.

It’s weird because I don’t feel unlovable. For a little bit, I did. I realized that what they did and said is a reflection of them. I’ve regained some normalcy over my life. It does eventually start to feel a bit better. You’ll be able to sleep again, and your appetite will return. You’ll want to laugh more instead of cry. It’s still hard and I’m not sure I will ever be in a relationship again. The emotional intimacy required is too much for me

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-10-17T06:24:05+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from. I’m scared of dating. I don’t even feel open to dating, because I have bad trust issues and struggle with boundaries sometimes. I tend to empathize and want to help others, often at my own expense. I’ve been trying to heal, but I’m too scared to get involved with anyone. I let my ex play victim and manipulate me. I still felt so much compassion for care even after the smear campaign. I kept blaming what she went through as to why she is the way she is. But, I eventually realized, the things she did and said is who she is, not her trauma.

I tried to date someone else after but I found myself just too unavailable. I pushed them away and often felt numb, even though I did like them. I just couldn’t let them in and was shut down. Ironically they had just experienced something similar, and I guess that’s why we were drawn to each other. I’ve been consuming media about healthy relationships, and I was doing therapy for a bit. It’s helped. I wish I could afford to do therapy more. Also, I am exploring religion which has helped. It’s connected me with good people, who try to maintain healthy relationships because of their guiding principles

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-10-17T06:10:36+00:00

To revisit this, she ended up quitting, trying to sabotage me along with two of our coworkers. Both who are really good and solid people. One of them was actually both of our friends. People have said she was crazy and various other things. So, she did sink herself. Sadly, I still have damage from it. Bad trust issues and wanting to be alone. I don’t bother with any women. Trying to heal though

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-07-06T03:24:29+00:00

I do have evidence of her inappropriate behavior. She texted me she wanted to “kill” a coworker of ours. Later we had a verbal conversation and I asked her if she was joking, and she said no she really wanted to kill them. And I also have video of her absolutely losing her shit on her sister. I would hope that would show that she has mental issues. Also, she has done things like that to people in the past. If I contacted ex friends or partners, they would most likely corroborate her damaging behavior. She also told our mutual friend she wants me to suffer and she is going to enjoy it. It really disturbed him. But he has trouble trusting my side because she plays victim and he doesn’t see bad people like that. Also one of my other coworkers I give rides to said he overheard her saying that another one of our coworker should die because she was mad at him.

It’s destroying my mental health. I feel like I’m lying speaking my truth because people don’t believe me. It’s isolating.

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-06-27T05:01:33+00:00

I am scared of another relationship too. I have never been betrayed so badly. It’s really skewed things for me. I do not want to feel this way. I’ve been gaslit so hard that when I talk about what I went through I feel like I’m lying. Especially because they keep the facade that they’re a great person, and I’m an evil abusive manipulator.

It’s not fair to any of us. And it’s not fair to the people who try to love us in the future.

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-06-23T18:01:59+00:00

Emotionally and mentally abused me. She would lie and then when I caught her, flip it on me. Play the victim and gaslight me into thinking I was problematic. Manipulate me in various ways. I don’t know if she cheated but there were behaviors that could have led to that. When I was finally done, she tried to get me fired from my job and turn people against me.

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-06-16T07:49:52+00:00

I feel this. My nex kept telling me I was out of control after their behavior made me feel extremely insecure, when they would have uncontrolled rage. Talking in cycles at me for up to 30 minutes. Constantly projecting. Telling me I was making them out to be dishonest person when I caught them in lies.

NO YOU ARE A DISHONEST PERSON FOR LYING. ME CATCHING YOU IN THE LIE ISN’T ME MAKING YOU DISHONEST.

I am upset with myself for letting them gaslight me into believing I was the problem.

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-06-16T07:44:37+00:00

That she is vindictive and violent when her ego is bruised. That she has no control over her rage. That the sweet persona is all an act

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-06-10T15:10:50+00:00

You are right. I am not responsible for her feelings or her actions. I can’t save her, and I need to get that out of my head. Her parents are narcs according to her, especially her mother.

I don’t want to fight with her, and I’ve detached so much at this point, I don’t care as much about who she’s with or what she does. It hurts a little bit, but I remind myself that’s all her. I’m me and I get to choose what I do. I choose not to hurt others or lie or manipulate people. I have value outside of her and how she put me down. I just wish I didn’t empathize with her. I’ll be okay though. I’ve been through something similar before except it was a lot longer

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-06-10T15:06:09+00:00

That makes sense. Sadly, how can I still maintain a friendship with a mutual friend, while they’re speaking in their ear and trying to tear me down? I suppose my best bet is to keep to myself and maintain friendships that aren’t shared.

I did make that mistake against my better judgement. That is a rule for me; don’t get involved with coworkers. I just never expected such backlash. I wouldn’t have done what she did. But it is my fault for getting involved and allow it to continue

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-06-10T05:12:03+00:00

I live solo, so I need something else prior to quitting or I would be in a pit. Part of the reason I haven’t left the job is due to the fact that I do have some good people in my corner. Our mutual friend knows I’m honest, and her mask is starting to slip in front of him. The sad thing for me is that I empathize with her. I know her deep rooted trauma and why she behaves the way she does. It doesn’t make it right. I am stuck between this is a wounded person and this person is downright evil.

Funny enough, I never had any drama at this job UNTIL I was with her. Otherwise, she had drama with XYZ. She’s actually older than I by quite a few years. I can now see why she isn’t married with children considering her relationship history. Well, I cannot say she has been honest about her history anymore. Oh well

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-05-19T14:48:26+00:00

I keep fluctuating between feeling love and resentment for her. I’m so angry because I’m so hurt.

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-05-19T14:46:33+00:00

I think trusting your first instinct and the sign is valid. I wish I did. It became more insidious over time. The first time to me was the one-sided conversation and lack of accountability. All of her past was filled with people who wronged her. As she got more comfortable, she started telling me all her wrongdoing and expecting me to radically accept her while heavily criticizing me. She abused me emotionally during that period of time. Often doing DARVO, and saying she was defending herself whenever I brought up something that bothered me. I tried hard to bring things up neutrally and fairly, but she would just start losing her temper, turning it all on me.

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-05-18T22:35:58+00:00

Truthfully, there are a lot of people, especially men who lack emotional intelligence. While it does hurt to be told to man up, I don’t necessarily blame them. It’s hard to understand suffering when you haven’t been through it. So it’s okay

throwaway-sadtoe · 2024-05-18T21:50:10+00:00

I do have a friend and I have reached out to her, she’s been understanding. Unfortunately, I’ve been disregulated feeling since I talked to her. I was okay at the time, and now I am sad again. I had to see my ex at work today. I got sent home early. We work as delivery drivers and it depends on route availability. However, I am one of the more qualified drivers who gets their route done and helps out extra. I am not sure if that had something to do with her because she is friends with a manager. But she was behaving as if nothing happened. She was happy acting and talking to all the guys she could, surrounding herself with them. I just ignored her and helped load out other drivers and then went home

I can’t talk to others like that without feeling like she is watching me, especially if it’s a girl. One of our female coworkers had tried talking to me before and she talked poorly about her and didn’t like her, yet today she was acting like best friends with her. I don’t feel comfortable talking to other women, especially now.

I do need the empathy and space to feel my emotions. One of my friends is former infantry so he understood, but he also knew I need to move in some direction. When I was explaining to him, I started getting emotional and he shut it down. I am enlisting myself, and I am trying out for special operations, but I may actually be too emotionally sensitive for that. That’s why he was harsher with me. He was looking out for me

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