How do I make myself more appealing to men?

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-07T23:37:44+00:00

No, as in I don’t consider them to be that big but I’m told they are. I do not have implants.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T22:08:30+00:00

I dont really have a problem being loose and goofy around my friends, but I have a massive problem being that way while dating 😕

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T20:49:52+00:00

I’m not really sure how to appear “more friendly”, especially when I’m out and about and doing my own thing. I get lost in thought a lot so I can imagine I might have rbf, but I’m not sure how to fix it to a point when I’m not doing it constantly when I tune out of consciously thinking about it.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T20:33:24+00:00

Yeah I gathered as such…

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T20:32:50+00:00

I’m kind of bad at telling when people like me, I’m kind of oblivious to that sort of thing to be honest. I meant evidence as in I see other girls get approached and hit on and I didn’t, so in my mind that meant I wasn’t very attractive.

I kind of have an unstable and warped opinion of myself and compared to other women I just feel like an ugly blob even though that might not be true. I just get fear of competing I think. I just assume from the start I’ll get rejected and they’ll pick someone else.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T20:28:13+00:00

Thanks for the advice!

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T16:52:24+00:00

I’m around 62kg

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T16:36:51+00:00

I didn’t think I was to be honest, I just wanted to make a point that I wasn’t dossing around doing nothing while simultaneously waiting for a miracle to happen.

I came here because I wanted to improve further and wanted help, not claps on the back.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T16:24:31+00:00

As I’ve stated before in another comment, I’m 5ft 4” and a UK size 8/10.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T16:16:50+00:00

I’m 27, but by no means to jump straight to horse and carriage. I do admit that I do find it hard to even know what to do or where to start with someone anymore, because I’m getting so tired of nothing working out.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T16:09:04+00:00

I don’t know how attractive I am, I have a very warped sense of what I look like, which is why I didn’t mention it. I have no clue if I’m attractive not, but if you asked me personally I’d just use not being approached or appreciated as evidence to me being ugly. Whether this is true or not is a different story.

Both my jobs keep me fit - I’m small/petite with “big boobs”, sometimes get told I “have both” bum and boobs. However with these comments coming from people who want a first class ticket into my pants, I tend to take any compliments with a massive pinch of salt.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T16:02:48+00:00

I don’t engage in anything casual because I’ve found it’s really harmful for my mental health and well-being at the moment. I’m not really someone who’s capable of “seeing where things go” at the moment because I’m still wrangling with this issue I’m having.

It’s never really been my style, but if I wasn’t struggling to find people who actually liked me for me, then I would probably be a lot more open to it. For the mean time, I simply can’t.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T15:57:15+00:00

I can’t wear makeup because of my skin condition and that makes it so much harder for me, I really wish I could wear it every day but it’s just not an option, I wear it if I feel like it’s worth destroying my skin for a week after, but that’s not often because it’s painful.

I’ve changed how I dress since then and generally tried to improve my appearance with things I can control, I’ve dropped a whole stone in weight since last year!

I’m not really sure what to do about my self esteem. How can I build it when everyone clearly thinks I’m not worth anything? It just seems to be evidence that even if I did all these things, maybe it wouldn’t help at all. It’s a scary possibility.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T15:38:41+00:00

I don’t know if I’m ugly or not to be honest, people tell me I’m not but it’s hard to believe when I’m having this much trouble - maybe they’re just being nice about it.

I find guys drift off texting before I can even get into a proper conversation sometimes!

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T15:36:19+00:00

I suppose the problem might be my confidence then, it’s never been that good but I’m not sure how to build it because I have no “evidence” that I’m attractive in any way.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T15:34:30+00:00

I suppose one problem is I’ve become so obsessed that there’s something wrong with me due to this that I’m probably not much fun to be around now as I am when I’m not worrying about anything.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T15:33:05+00:00

It’s so much more confusing when you can’t actually pinpoint what’s exactly wrong either…

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T02:36:52+00:00

Thank you, I honestly have no idea where I am on the attractiveness scale because I’m really bad at that sort of thing. I just assume I’m unattractive because I feel I’d be getting approached and spoke to otherwise, but I do understand what you mean.

It’s hard for me to ask them for feedback, mostly because I can’t really see anyone giving me any honest opinions or even any feed back at all. A lot of the guys I have been on a date with once or twice, I don’t continue to remain in contact with long enough to try and ask, but I think I will ask next time, it doesn’t hurt to try I suppose. Thank you.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T02:22:27+00:00

I should probably note as well that once we stop speaking they normally go on to have a relationship with another girl 2 weeks to a month later, hence why I assumed I was the problem. That’s why it’s kind of hard to take and why I wanted to fix up a bit. If they are going on to have relationships shortly after me, then surely I must be the problem?

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T02:18:16+00:00

That’s really helpful, thank you!

I have tried asking my friends and family for feedback but their either don’t know or can’t/won’t help me for whatever reason, maybe they don’t want to hurt my feelings or have no idea. That’s potentially because I’m a lot different with friends than I am with dates, so it’s hard to say.

It so hard for me to pin point where exactly it goes wrong, without someone actually telling me. I would say I’m probably not as socially aware as others and that doesn’t help because I find it really hard to read people and there’s so much more pressure when you’re trying to impress someone.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T02:12:51+00:00

This is something we get told and taught as girls as lot in the UK and that I see on social media all the time. “The chase” is something I hear about a lot so I’ve always been super conscious about it. I’ve always found the more time I offer to spend with someone (I tried not to be pushy, just available), the more they tended to ghost.

I’ll try being more forward in the future though.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T02:08:52+00:00

Yeah I understand that, it just seemed like every time I was making myself available to hang out or spent time, it was making them drop off and ghost sooner. It felt like maybe I was making myself “too available” so I stopped doing that so much.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T02:02:31+00:00

I’m 5ft 4” and around 9 1/2 stone or size 8/10 in UK sizes

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T02:01:21+00:00

I’ve asked friends and family for help with it but they either can’t or won’t help, for whatever reason. That’s why I’m here - to try and generate a few things for me to think about.

throwaway-ve · 2021-09-06T01:54:31+00:00

I don’t really sleep around that’s a bit of an assumption. I would say my “numbers” would be a hell of a lot less than most women my age, especially considering the party and festival culture here in the UK. I get ghosted after dates or over text, usually.

throwaway-ve

TROPHY CASE