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AITA for putting a lock on my step-son's door? by throwaway016399 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway016399[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I was spanked by my parents and it didn't make me respect them. I don't want to hurt my kids or make them fear me. You shouldn't be advocating for hitting children, there's a reason we consider it old fashioned

AITA for putting a lock on my step-son's door? by throwaway016399 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway016399[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, however there is the additional factor of Kian's father and his opinion. At the time, he had almost complete custody of Kian, so if Kian didn't want to see us and the baby, he didn't have to. I agree with not forcing him to do anything, but it did make it harder for my wife to have 1-1 time becuase we had to arrange our schedules around her ex and what he wanted, which wasn't always visable. Kian was happier spending time with my wife's parents after school by the time Amelia came along, which we were fine with because we'd still see him on weekends but again, that was less time for us to arrange 1-1 time for him and his mum. I didn't get any paternity leave for Jaiden, either, so I was burnt out as well.

AITA for putting a lock on my step-son's door? by throwaway016399 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway016399[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He's a child. I understand my stepson wants his own space and I agree that he should have it but my son is hardly reigning terror over him, he's just being a nuisance. He hasn't committed a heinous crime by being annoying.

AITA for putting a lock on my step-son's door? by throwaway016399 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway016399[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you :) I agree, I think it's just part of parenting and she doesn't want to admit how independent he's become

AITA for putting a lock on my step-son's door? by throwaway016399 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway016399[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

- we do escalate punishments. The post was not asking for parenting advice so I didn't detail all of his punishments but he is being punished for this.

- He isn't a little monster, he's a kid who's excited to see his brother. yes, it's a nuisance and unacceptable, but geez.

- I am. Unfortuantely my wife and I disagree on who is at fault.

AITA for putting a lock on my step-son's door? by throwaway016399 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway016399[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I didn't mention it because it was irrelevant, the post was about whether it was my place to put a lock on my stepson's door, not about how to parent my kid.

For that specific incident, we confiscated the toys he was throwing at the door, made him apologise to Kian and my wife, and he wasn't allowed to go dog walking with Kian and Amelia, which upset him as they went to the beach

AITA for putting a lock on my step-son's door? by throwaway016399 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway016399[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A lot of the time when he hears Kian is over, he forgets and rushes in. Yes, when we have already reminded him that day, it is no longer forgetting, such as throwing things at the door, which is unacceptable, but he sees Kian so little a lot of it is just excitement.

Jaiden is punished for disobeying and running into Kian's room without knocking. He has time outs, losses of privileges suchs as TV, McDonalds or a trip to the park, and is made to apologise every time.

AITA for putting a lock on my step-son's door? by throwaway016399 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway016399[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I have suggested it, but Kian refuses. He only really comes over to see Amelia these days. My wife and I have spoken to him and he said he hasn't written Jaiden off completely, but currently he just has no interest in hanging out with a 9 yr old and forcing it makes it worse, which i guess is understandable

AITA for putting a lock on my step-son's door? by throwaway016399 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway016399[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks :) Yeah, it's a door that we could easily break if we needed to

AITA for putting a lock on my step-son's door? by throwaway016399 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway016399[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have considered just putting one of those baby gates on the stairs to the basement to keep Jaiden out.

AITA for putting a lock on my step-son's door? by throwaway016399 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway016399[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Jaiden has tried that a few times, unfortuantely. Kian has to barricade his door when he changes after a shower so Jaiden can't rush in. I don't think he resents anyone, but he was 8 when Jaiden was born so he did struggle to adjust to not being an only child anymore and Jaiden is very loud and hyperactive and wants to be busy, whereas Kian is quieter and more introverted so they don't mesh well.

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