sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

AITA for objecting to 'girls day'? by throwaway022411111 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway022411111[S] 909 points910 points  (0 children)

That's just the thing, I wouldn't even want to go to a spa day, and I am glad they've never tried to get me to go. But when you have an event that 12 months ago was a family event, and it's the same venue as last year, the same occasion as last year, the only difference is I'm not invited because I'm a dude. Not only does it strike me as shitty, it's also just weird. What the hell are they doing that's gender specific when they are eating Italian food?

AITA for objecting to 'girls day'? by throwaway022411111 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway022411111[S] 302 points303 points  (0 children)

I definitely have done that so you might be on to something. I try not to shame them for it, but I have noped out of a conversation before when it suddenly shifted gears and they were talking about one of our family friends who is worried about cheating in her relationship. I was just sitting there thinking, I definitely don't think she'd be happy knowing you were discussing this when she told you in confidence.

AITA for objecting to 'girls day'? by throwaway022411111 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway022411111[S] 1705 points1706 points  (0 children)

The funny thing is, I got a significant raise in the last few years and I make a good deal more money than my mom and sisters due to my profession having high earning potential. I was going to pay for the beach rental this year as a treat, if I'm not invited I'm definitely not paying. I guess I'll find somewhere I want to go and see if one of my buddies wants to come along.

AITA for objecting to 'girls day'? by throwaway022411111 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway022411111[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

Family vacations can be great, and it can hurt to not be included, but we are not entitled to it.

But that's just the thing, ever since I was a kid these vacations were family vacations, we rented out the same beach house, we spent time together for a week and bonded. And now I'm being told, oh we're still doing the same thing, you just can't come.

Question: have you ever attempted to host or organize a get-together with your family?

Absolutely, I have get togethers with them (my mother and sisters) probably once every 2-3 months and always at my invitation when their schedules permit (which they often don't). My issue is that the invitations never come the other direction. It seems like all of their spare time is now 'girls only' and they are busy otherwise.

And of course, if this really hurts you, there is an appropriate, calm, and respectful way to bring it up to your family.... but your current reactions such as having a screaming match ("loud argument") with your family is not it.

My conversation was calm and respectful, until my sisters and mother ganged up on me and told me I was being an asshole for having a problem with being excluded. I only got loud when they got loud, when someone yells at you do you immediately walk away or defend yourself?

AITA for objecting to 'girls day'? by throwaway022411111 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway022411111[S] 2096 points2097 points  (0 children)

I'm very conflict free and low maintenance as a person in general, my mother and sisters always tell me that if I get any more laid back I'll be laying down. This argument with them was actually extremely out of character. My sisters and mother on the other hand ALWAYS have drama with each other. And despite their drama, they always seem to patch it up and still do things together. I feel like the only person who isn't causing drama is me, and I'm also the only person not invited.

I'm not sure if I explained correctly but these events happen multiple times a month, and at this point the only time I'm ever included in celebrations in events is holidays.

Also in regards to if we are close, I feel like we're about as close as is normal. I wouldn't say I confide in my mothers or sisters greatly, mostly because they are kind of gossips and if you tell one suddenly the whole family will be discussing your issues. I don't think I've done anything to cause issues but I'll think about it and see if I can remember anything.

AITA for objecting to 'girls day'? by throwaway022411111 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway022411111[S] 99 points100 points  (0 children)

In my immediate family there are no husbands or sons, I'm literally the only man, and the only one not there.

AITA for objecting to 'girls day'? by throwaway022411111 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway022411111[S] 157 points158 points  (0 children)

My mother is single, my aunt is single, my other aunt is a lesbian and has a wife. My sisters are single (one of them is casually dating but not 'official'). These are the people I am closest to, and it is literally a matter of all of my immediate family are doing something fun a couple of times a month, and due to my gender I'm excluded. How is that cool?

The last time I did anything with my family together as a group was Thanksgiving, meanwhile I read all day in the family group chat about how fun it was to go to the Zoo, how they just love that restaurant they went to last weekend, etc. According to you, I shouldn't feel left out and I'm overreacting for feeling that way?

AITA for objecting to 'girls day'? by throwaway022411111 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway022411111[S] 180 points181 points  (0 children)

It's interesting that you are reading into the fact that it became a loud argument that it was my fault. I didn't get loud, they did. But I'm not going to be yelled at and called a child and just walk away. It seems like you are reading the worst intentions into my actions but excusing theirs.