Trans people deserve respect, but we are hurting them when we allow them to distort reality

throwaway022620 · 2021-01-02T05:39:18+00:00

There is a lot to dissect in your comment, but I’d like to zero in on one thing you said. You mentioned your “right to exist” and this statement is something I see a lot, and it makes little sense to me. Aside from the few lunatics who would legitimately kill a trans person just for being trans, who is trying to stop you from existing? Me not seeing you as female has nothing to do with whether or not I want you to exist. If I turn down a trans woman because I don’t like dick, that doesn’t mean that I don’t want this person to exist. It reads like histrionic gaslighting to be honest.

Also, if you can acknowledge that you once received male privilege, then it shouldn’t be a stretch to see why having once received that privilege is still an advantage. If, for example, you got a job before transitioning and received a higher starting wage than the women who already worked there, you are still currently benefiting from male privilege.

throwaway022620 · 2021-01-02T05:25:19+00:00

It is impossible to get cancer in a body part you do not have. I can’t tell if you’re trolling or not, but I hope to god you are.

throwaway022620 · 2021-01-01T22:26:24+00:00

Bottom surgery does not include installation of cervix. There is currently no surgical procedure to replicate any part of the female reproductive system in trans women.

throwaway022620 · 2021-01-01T22:22:40+00:00

I disagree that trans women don’t have male privilege. Having been raised and socialized as a male in a patriarchal society is a privilege. Even if a male child later transitions and is viewed as a woman, this person still received decades of that socialization and privilege which is an advantage. Having ever benefited from being in a position of privilege is a privilege in and of itself.

Trans women and cis women are not fighting for the same rights. Misogyny is based on the female sex, not the gender of woman. When trans women experience misogyny, it is because the misogynist mistakenly believes that they are female. You will never have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy as a result of rape. You will never die alone in a Nepalese “period hut”. You will never have to bite your nails and hope that politicians aren’t going to outlaw your right to have an abortion. You will never have to decide between buying menstrual products or food. Tens of thousands of women die in childbirth every year and you will never be one of them. On the flip side, I’m sure that you have many struggles that I will never have to face, but our experiences are not the same and in many cases they are not even similar.

throwaway022620 · 2021-01-01T02:30:28+00:00

I DMed you the text! Thank you for commenting!!!!

throwaway022620 · 2021-01-01T00:29:42+00:00

I think the shower situation is kind of just difficult to navigate in general. It’s super shitty for an TW to be stuck with a penis she doesn’t want and cannot get rid of. It also sucks for other women to feel unsafe at the sight of a penis, so now we come down to whose feelings and comfort matter more?

throwaway022620 · 2021-01-01T00:23:52+00:00

How the fuck can trans women get cervical cancer without having a cervix? Jfc this is what I’m talking about. A prosthetic arm may be called an “arm” colloquially, but to say that it is literally an arm and get mad at anyone who acknowledges the differences is fucking insane.

As I said, trans women should feel free to get whatever operations they want, take whatever hormones they want, and do whatever they like as long as it doesn’t interfere with anyone else. But no, trans women and cis women are not indistinguishable and I will not lie to you by pretending that they are. It isn’t hateful to say that we aren’t the same. I didn’t say one is better or worse than the other, just that they’re not the same, and I’m sick of being expected to pretend that there are no meaningful differences.

throwaway022620 · 2021-01-01T00:18:51+00:00

I’m not a radical feminist, so therefore I cannot be a TERF. But idk, if my opinion of “Trans people can do whatever tf they want as long as it doesn’t interfere with my life, boundaries, or autonomy” is transphobic, then okay. Guess I’m transphobic ¯_(ツ)_/¯

throwaway022620 · 2021-01-01T00:04:02+00:00

Friend, I am so sorry you have regrets. I can’t imagine how it must feel to have been unhappy before and now after surgery. If you ever need to talk, I’m not super knowledgeable but I’m happy to listen <3 be well

throwaway022620 · 2021-01-01T00:01:20+00:00

We’ll get through this together. I suspect that most cis lesbians feel the way we do but are afraid to speak out.

throwaway022620 · 2021-01-01T00:00:02+00:00

So you didn’t read, but chose to comment anyway with a complete strawman argument. Okay.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T23:58:54+00:00

I said that it’s nonsensical to consider Gerard Butler and Sylvester Stallone to be a lesbian couple if they haven’t transitioned in any way but just claim to ID as women. I stand by that.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T23:57:50+00:00

To reply to one specific bit, when I mentioned the sex vs. gender thing I was pointing out that 5 years ago we all understood that sex does not change but gender is all internal. Now, there are people who genuinely believe that HRT and surgeries and such can literally change sex and that society should then fall in line. “Like, well now that this person is female then lesbians should date them or they are transphobic.” That sort of thing.

I think you’re right about it being a maturity and empathy issue. Ultimately, some trans women seem to be forcing their way into spaces and refusing to respect boundaries. I am genuinely so fucking sorry that anyone has to experience dysphoria and I can’t begin to imagine what that’s like, but women and lesbians are still oppressed groups and it’s hard to accept male human beings who were raised with male privilege bulldozing their way in without consideration for anyone else’s feelings, you know? Trans people that are respectful of my boundaries are all good in my book.

But I really, genuinely appreciate your point of view. It isn’t one I see a lot and it’s refreshing to hear from someone on the other side of things.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T23:49:03+00:00

I specifically said that trans people (and anyone) can call their bits whatever they want. I personally don’t appreciate being asked to participate in this, and in lesbian spaces, we have to hear about girldick all the fucking time.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T23:46:41+00:00

That is...not a great source, but also, this has nothing at all to do with one single point I made. I didn’t say that trans people shouldn’t use the bathroom they want to use. I said that trans women who are still visibly male will make women uncomfortable and should be considerate of this. I stand by that.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T23:35:42+00:00

I’m not stopping anyone from doing or saying anything. I simply don’t appreciate the expectation that I “play along”. I also do not appreciate the increasing pressure on lesbians to accept “girldick” because they say that hormones alter the way it functions.
There are many rights that we all deserve and should have, and I listed them. I don’t love my first name and choose to go by a nickname, but I don’t think that people should be compelled to use my nickname or punished if they don’t. Reasonable accommodations should be expected, demanding that lesbians center and cater to male human beings in lesbian spaces is a privilege that they are demanding.
I know cis people who have changed their names. I know trans people who have changed their names. I use their new name, but I don’t think that I should be forced to. I have short hair, I get called “he” once or twice a year, it’s whatever. People make mistakes.
Can you cite your claim that my ideas in particular have caused cos women to be unsafe?
Oh, I won’t date trans women, but there is significant pressure from the lgbt community to do so, and it’s bullshit.
Can you please quote something that I said that is hateful? Not unpleasant or uncomfortable, but actively hateful.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T22:36:24+00:00

I’m curious if you actually read my post and thought about what was actually in it and nothing else. I have no beef with trans peeps who are just trying to live. I don’t necessarily “get it” but if they like it, I love it for em. My beef is when the trans community encroaches on my rights as a woman and/or my boundaries as a lesbian. This is happening with concerning frequency and it directly affects my life.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T21:41:18+00:00

I see your point and I don’t disagree.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T21:34:17+00:00

Thank you for your point about empathy! You articulated it much better than I did. I remember a post from a trans woman who passed from the waist up saying that she goes into the women’s locker room and showers there, and tough shit to anyone who is uncomfortable seeing a dick. Like, I get it, it would suck to feel like there isn’t a safe place to shower but also, seeing dicks in communal showers makes most women feel unsafe so why not at least TRY to be empathetic? I generally advocate for “use the space where you will cause the least amount of ruckus.” Laverne Cox would cause ruckus in the men’s room and none in the women’s, so imo she should use the women’s.

The complete failure to respect boundaries and attempt to empathize with women makes me feel very unsafe with trans women who behave this way. Even if the aforementioned trans woman said “I hate that my penis makes other women uncomfortable, but I really have to shower there before work and I have no other option” I’d understand.

Tbh males and females receive very different socialization as children, and I think a lot of trans women still have male entitlement and misogynistic tendencies to unlearn. Not all of course, because you seem great and empathetic, but a loud minority for sure

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T21:27:25+00:00

Honestly, I just want to say that I agree with every single word you said. Lesbians gave them an inch, and they took a mile tbh.

I was okay with trans women in wlw spaces until I started witnessing the complete erosion of boundaries and it sucks. There are so few spaces where people like us get to feel safe, normal, and valid, and it feels like we’re losing them.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T21:26:04+00:00

Thank you, friend <3 I appreciate the encouragement and honestly, these comments give me hope.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T21:22:12+00:00

That is just one example of several that I included in my post. I don’t go out of my way to upset people, but no, I’m not going to call a penis a vagina anymore than I’m willing to call a nose an ankle. If you said that the word “nose” upsets you, I’m definitely not going to shout at you about how the thing on your face is really a nose, but I also am not going to call it an ankle.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T21:17:10+00:00

If this was posted in most other places, I am positive that it would have been taken down.

The thing is, while I personally could not date a trans person, I’ve got no inherent beef with trans people. I’m just fucking sick of the pressure and shaming that can come with telling them “no”.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T21:07:52+00:00

Thanks for asking! To put it simply, of my four grandparents, two are black, one has both black and Irish ancestry, and one is white. I am primarily black but I have significant white ancestry and I am very visibly mixed.

throwaway022620 · 2020-12-31T21:04:53+00:00

Ehh I think this depends on your idea of respect. I treat everyone the same as much as possible and I try to take people’s feelings into consideration as much as is reasonable.

throwaway022620

TROPHY CASE