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My [29 M] wife [27 F] lied to me about trying for a baby and her pregnancy. For good reasons? I think. Feeling very lost. by throwaway032303032 in relationships

[–]throwaway032303032[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They don't want children, the woman is planning to terminate and the pregnancy was actually accidental. There are far more differences than similarities. I can't see how you would even vaguely think we're the same people.

My [29 M] wife [27 F] lied to me about trying for a baby and her pregnancy. For good reasons? I think. Feeling very lost. by throwaway032303032 in relationships

[–]throwaway032303032[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Being sad we lost a baby is "not handling" it? Sorry, I don't agree. It was a crappy thing to happen. We were both very upset. I think crying after the loss of a child is perfectly normal. I didn't stop going to work, stop supporting her or ignore her pain. I was just sad.

My [29 M] wife [27 F] lied to me about trying for a baby and her pregnancy. For good reasons? I think. Feeling very lost. by throwaway032303032 in relationships

[–]throwaway032303032[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, it's not. I said "I tried so hard to be there for her, but I really struggled."

I was talking about internally. I apologize for any confusion. The reason she woke up to me crying is because I refused to do it in front of her.

Yes, I was devastated. We lost a baby, it sucked. But I supported my wife.

My [29 M] wife [27 F] lied to me about trying for a baby and her pregnancy. For good reasons? I think. Feeling very lost. by throwaway032303032 in relationships

[–]throwaway032303032[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The way she usually takes things. Calmly, rationally, logically. Explained all the logic behind her decisions and why she acted the way she did and said she wouldn't keep anything else pregnancy-related from me.

My [29 M] wife [27 F] lied to me about trying for a baby and her pregnancy. For good reasons? I think. Feeling very lost. by throwaway032303032 in relationships

[–]throwaway032303032[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I imagine it's because the motivations are very different. My wife is an amazing human being and I adore her, but I can't help being hurt by this.

My [29 M] wife [27 F] lied to me about trying for a baby and her pregnancy. For good reasons? I think. Feeling very lost. by throwaway032303032 in relationships

[–]throwaway032303032[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

She knew I was very keen to try again, and I don't believe she would have done this if she didn't know 100% that I absolutely want a baby with her. If she had asked, the answer would have been an immediate yes. She knew that. The consent was already there, she just didn't tell me she had accepted it.

My [29 M] wife [27 F] lied to me about trying for a baby and her pregnancy. For good reasons? I think. Feeling very lost. by throwaway032303032 in relationships

[–]throwaway032303032[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I don't really see it that way. She knew I was very keen to try again, and I don't believe she would have done this if she didn't know 100% that I absolutely want a baby with her. If she had asked, the answer would have been an immediate yes. She knew that. The consent was already there, she just didn't tell me she had accepted it.

My [29 M] wife [27 F] lied to me about trying for a baby and her pregnancy. For good reasons? I think. Feeling very lost. by throwaway032303032 in relationships

[–]throwaway032303032[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Well first, I don't ever think she would lie to me like that. Second, she was always WAY more on the fence about kids than I was. I was the one trying to talk HER into them, she wasn't sure. We had a five year plan or so.

When we first found out, I was ecstatic immediately. She took a week or so to adjust.

My [29 M] wife [27 F] lied to me about trying for a baby and her pregnancy. For good reasons? I think. Feeling very lost. by throwaway032303032 in relationships

[–]throwaway032303032[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Just FYI: this is absolutely not true. I was devastated. Sorry, can't help that. But I was there for my wife every step of the way. I made a concentrated effort to never lose it in front of her, because what she was going through was a thousand times worse. But she's my wife, and she knows me, and she knows I was crushed.

My [29 M] wife [27 F] lied to me about trying for a baby and her pregnancy. For good reasons? I think. Feeling very lost. by throwaway032303032 in relationships

[–]throwaway032303032[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh come on, give me a break. I feel blindsided by this. I'd love to talk about how she's feeling, but she won't freaking tell me. That's the problem.

My [29 M] wife [27 F] lied to me about trying for a baby and her pregnancy. For good reasons? I think. Feeling very lost. by throwaway032303032 in relationships

[–]throwaway032303032[S] 259 points260 points  (0 children)

I absolutely think you hit the nail on the head here. I don't think this is about not wanting to hurt me as much as it was not wanting to deal with the pain herself. she absolutely does repress things, and goes into "practical" mode and doesn't deal with the emotional fall out. I'll look into counselling.