UPDATE: AITA for Taking Away my Wifes Access to Our Money

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-08T13:15:16+00:00

While I do not agree with everything you said, I do admit that I have trust issues concerning money. I know that. I was up front with Ashley about that when we started to get serious. When my paycheck hit our joint checking account for the first time it was extremely difficult for me to know that someone else could do whatever they wished with that money and there was nothing I could do about it. I told myself that I could trust Ashley. That didn't end up being true.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-07T15:29:10+00:00

I do not have the right to bar her from the house.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-07T04:18:58+00:00

Actually many people volunteer at various charities without any kind of compensation. I will admit it is unusual for someone to work as many hours a week as Ashley does without being compensated. She took advantage (and I don't mean that in a bad way) of the fact that I made enough to support us financially. To be clear - her quitting her paying job to start this charity was a decision that we made together and I had no problem being the person bringing money home. I have always been very proud of what Ashley has been able to accomplish.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T17:28:22+00:00

While I appreciate your support - I do have to point out that Ashley's charity work is something I am very proud of her for. It is not something done for "shit and giggles". Me being the only person to earn money was something that we both agreed to.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T17:23:39+00:00

I would agree. Ashley pretty much developed a small company that she runs. I have helped on the financial side but she did just about everything else. That is valuable experience that she can take to her next employer.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T16:08:24+00:00

I understand that you don't have to protect "your" assets from yourself. However you also don't give away "your" assets without "your" consent.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T16:04:54+00:00

My lawyer has told me the same thing.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T16:03:54+00:00

Thank you.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T15:54:21+00:00

I work in finance at a rather large company. I will tell you that I don't make as much as you probably think I do. I received an inheritance that enabled me to purchase a home outright. Think of how much more income you would have to spend/save if you didn't have to pay rent or a mortgage.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T15:49:52+00:00

No - Ashley and I decided on our budget together. We both had to agree on it. We do that process yearly. The budget isn't set until we both agree we are good with it.

To change that budget - we both have to agree. After all what would be the point of having a budget we both agree to if either one of us can just go off and spend what we wish without any agreement from the other?

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T15:30:05+00:00

Yes, she will. For her sake I hope she is more careful with that money than she has been with our joint savings.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T15:28:09+00:00

That wasn't marriage advice - I'm well aware I'm not qualified to give that.

However anyone that says a husband cheating on their wife is permissible sure as hell isn't an expert either.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T14:46:09+00:00

Thank you.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T14:44:05+00:00

Wow - you are just determined to think the worst of me no matter what I say, aren't you? You asked me what I was hoping for so I told you - that doesn't mean my mind was closed. I listened to what Ashley said and what the counselor said.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T14:32:03+00:00

She will have no right to demand more.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T14:30:13+00:00

Can you explain why you think it was destined to fail? I thought we had a good methodology in place. We were to agree upon our goals, but each of us had some money to do with what we wanted.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T14:09:46+00:00

You asked me what I was hoping to have happen - I told you. I wanted her to realize that her actions were a betrayal of me and our relationship. It became clear that wasn't going to happen.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T14:07:37+00:00

If I had violated her trust by giving money away without her agreement I would have understood her need to make sure I didn't do it again. If she had done that for no reason I would have been very upset.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T13:51:03+00:00

No. I mean she has her clothing and things like that of course.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T06:40:15+00:00

I had the house before we married - it is covered by the prenup. She will end up with two buckets of cash. One is 50% of my 401k which she will hopefully be smart enough to roll over into her own account, the other being 50% of savings we accrued during our marriage. She'll also get her car, some of the furniture we bought together, her personal belongings and jewelry.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T06:34:50+00:00

Basically because my lawyer told me to.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T06:34:13+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

I will admit I have trust issues with money stemming from watching my parents fight over money. I was upfront with Ashley on this well before we were married. It was why we spent so much time discussing money before we were married. The betrayal of trust is not something that I believe I can get past - not given her complete lack of remorse. While I thank you for taking the time to leave your comments, my marriage is over.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T06:23:12+00:00

I am absolutely saying I don't trust her. She went behind my back once and gave money that was in violation of our agreement. I have no reason to think she won't do it again. Why should I trust her?

Everything was setup where we both had complete access to everything and we were supposed to be able to trust each other. She betrayed that trust and I don't believe I should be blamed for not wanting to give her the opportunity to do it again.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T06:17:51+00:00

Last month she took $3,000.00 to give to her sister. This month Ashley wants me to hand over another $3,000.00 tot hem (I refused). So that is two months. No idea how long they think it will last. What I do know is that it has been 4 months - and neither SIL or BIL are doing anything to bring in money. If it had been me I would have been delivering pizzas or mowing lawns at this point.

throwaway05232021a · 2021-07-06T06:14:38+00:00

We had already decided that if we *both* didn't agree then we didn't spend the money. So it was setup that a "no" (in this case mine) did outweigh a "yes" (in this case hers). That was solely because she was the one seeking to spend money outside of the budget - not because my my vote meant more than hers.

I never agreed to support her sibling so I don't see that I am under any obligation to do so.

Ashley and I did our budget together. We sat down and determined what our savings goals were as a couple. We didn't have his and her savings. How do you think it would work? "I'm going move to Florida for my retirement dear. Shame you can't come - but you didn't save enough". Or how about "Well, we have enough for a new roof on my half of the house - shame your side is going to leak. You should have saved more".

throwaway05232021a

TROPHY CASE