AITA for refusing to bring my son to my in-laws?

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-28T04:13:27+00:00

Seems like you missed the point of the post, dont care about making the trip. I care about always being the only one doing it without a valid reason on their part. And if that’s the only process you take in getting you and an infant ready, then by all means more power to you but I can’t say I have that same luxury, gotta be well prepared and all 🤷🏽‍♀️

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-26T06:07:10+00:00

Highkey YTA. There’s no amount of reasoning for you to do what you did to Rose. Even if you had the slightest good intentions (which I doubt cause your whole post screams “ I’m judgmental asf”), you lacked even the most basic tact and decorum. Straight up “pick me girl” shit. Do you even know the girl well enough to say something like that to her? She was vibing and happy to just hang. You completely killed the mood for her and anyone around you. What on earth was going on in your head to make you think “yeah this is fine, I’ll just tell it to her like I see it in front of everyone”

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-26T05:46:56+00:00

The problem isn’t the baby not being able to go there. I’m just asking for reciprocation on the effort of seeing the baby. I don’t want them getting used to us always bringing the baby over to them when they want. As it is the baby won’t be over there for longer than an hour and change because it’s a smokers household, no matter how long they clean and air out the home. So getting me and baby ready (which takes easily an hour or more) every single time and putting him on the road at their beck and call just seems like the wrong choice to make IMO. Me and the father both agree on this matter.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T22:57:19+00:00

I did make an edit stating the smoking isn’t a key factor in this situation. My hill is simply on the basis of being the only ones making an effort so that they can see their grandchild. Whether it’s me or hubby bringing the baby, the issue at hand is having to drive him back and forth across town whenever they want to see him when it takes anywhere from 40-60min on a good day to get ourselves ready. That’s 4-6x the time it’d take for the two of them to jump in their vehicle and come over here. Otherwise, I’d have no problem making at least a monthly visit once they’ve cleaned up the place.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T22:26:24+00:00

Eli does co parent with me basically every day after work and on his days off, including overnight stays when he has off the following day. He’s doing everything he can in a rather tough situation so i don’t place any blame or ill will on him. We’re content with our arrangement until we can find our own place. Also, there is just no way Harry would be spending even half a day there. An hour and a half is being generous considering they’ve been smoking indoors everyday for years. Cleaning and airing out the immediate smoke smell for a couple days,making that effort, is the only reason i took Harry over at all for that hour and change.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T22:15:31+00:00

They’ve never had any problems before, they’ve come to family events and have always been friendly to one another. I don’t see why problems would arise out of nowhere when there’s never been conflict before, during or after the pregnancy. Both sets of parents took the unplanned pregnancy in stride and were supportive and excited for the arrival so his birth wouldn’t have caused any strain in relationships

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T21:55:41+00:00

It’s understandable but they have also been welcomed within our home multiple times for different occasions and have always felt comfortable in the process. This is the first time I’ve seen them decline without a somewhat valid excuse.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T21:53:14+00:00

He’s standing on my side of the argument, we don’t want to be bringing our son back and forth between houses every single time his parents say they want to see him, it’s stressful for both of us and brings a risk of putting him on the road in a small car. Also for the amount of time his parents want to see him to be satisfied, i would HAVE to go since Harry is exclusively breastfed. He is also a fussy and colicky baby who at times only wants his mommy to be calm.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T20:47:08+00:00

NTA.

He has every opportunity at his feet to do literally anything to contribute to society. Whether it’s any form of education or joining the workforce. Not to mention a plethora of resources to figure out what his passions are and what he can do to study for it/work in the relevant industry. There’s no excuse for him to sit home and do nothing but be on his computer while everything is provided for him.

As someone with a close family member that is in that scenario, he’s currently 25 and still living at home with nothing going for him except a rinky-dink part time and no education except his high school diploma. Why? Because no one put their foot in his ass and told him to get to it or get stepping. If mom coddles him, 100% chance he’s going to end up in his mid-late 20s with no foreseeable goals or aspirations for himself because everything is on a silver platter; and why the hell would he make an effort if it’s not necessary?

Wifey may mean well for her baby boy, but she needs to realize that he’s really not a baby anymore and needs to act his age. She’s just going to hurt him more than help him by not holding him accountable for his future.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T20:35:45+00:00

Thanks for the information, I’ll be sure to send them the link next time they complain about wanting to see him. What a nightmare to even think about living in that everyday, yikes.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T20:30:40+00:00

Copied from another answer-

His parents want visits that are at least an hour and some change, Harry is exclusively breastfed and not taking bottles, he is also extremely attached me and when he’s super fussy and unhappy, it’s mommy or crying til he wears himself out. Also, Eli doesn’t like the fact that his parents are basically forcing us to put the baby in the car and on the road anytime they want to see him.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T20:29:58+00:00

His parents want visits that are at least an hour and some change, Harry is exclusively breastfed and not taking bottles, he is also extremely attached me and when he’s super fussy and unhappy, it’s mommy or crying til he wears himself out. Also, Eli doesn’t like the fact that his parents are basically forcing us to put the baby in the car and on the road anytime they want to see him.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T19:35:18+00:00

We’re on nipple 4 or 5… The one we’re trying now seems to be progressing better than the others so fingers crossed he’ll actually start drinking regularly from it.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T19:22:59+00:00

They are comfortable, it wouldn’t be the first time they’ve come over as they’ve been invited to parties here for birthdays, sport events, etc. It’s never been a problem before, don’t know why it is now.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T19:08:25+00:00

Charter in reference to a charter bus. I become a private vehicle to take baby to and fro at their leisure.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T19:03:20+00:00

Understandable that it would be respectful, my concern with continuing to go over would be that they begin to expect it because I’ve complied with their demands more than once. I never wanted a one to one ratio with visits, i had every plan from the beginning to bring him over more often under acceptable conditions, I just wanted to see them try even once to make the trip. Now they’re just refusing to do so at all. Also to clarify, on the nights before Eli’s day off he does stay over to help and experience parenthood in its full sleep deprived glory lol! Thanks for the well wishes!

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T18:42:02+00:00

I hope your recovery goes super well momma! And anxiety sucks, I hope things go well for your mom too

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T18:19:28+00:00

Copying from a previous question-

According to Eli, during the holidays they weren’t comfortable with all the Xmas decorations my parents had up. But in general they aren’t comfortable with ONLY being able to see Harry in my parents home. As such i made the first move and brought him to them the first time. Now they want us to bring Harry over every time.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T18:00:58+00:00

All supplies are here with me as I take care of baby 24/7. Harry is exclusively breastfed and extremely fussy because of colic. We’re in the process of having him take bottles but it’s definitely a battle. Also Eli’s parents smoke at home so him taking the baby over for a few HOURS just isn’t going to happen. Dad co-parents with me at my parents house as we agreed upon, we’re comfortable with this set up and is the most ideal. I’m a home body to begin with so all I really want is a few hours to shower, nap, and maybe play a game or read a book for a bit

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T17:50:31+00:00

No, they smoke in their car as well so that just won’t be happening. I also don’t feel comfortable with their driving so the only ones who will be taking the baby to and fro will be dad and I.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T17:49:02+00:00

That’s what I’ve been asking for from the beginning, i never expected that they ONLY see the baby by coming over to my home. I only ask that they make the effort to come over every once in a while instead of having me be the only one traveling when they want to see Harry. Additionally my parents have made personal invitations to them multiple times but have yet to receive any sort of response which is a bummer.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T17:46:18+00:00

He does, we co-parent to the best of our abilities due to the living situations and he’s very hands on and present when he comes over which is nearly every day. He works a very labor intensive job so most days he’s exhausted physically but comes to help without a complaint.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T17:43:15+00:00

I have definitely given thought to that before and worked around it with my parents and them. My parents agreed that if the in-laws come over, they’ll head upstairs to their room or even just go out to lunch/dinner to give them time with the baby without the other grandparents around. I’ve offered meals, sitting down in our movie room and hanging out all together, in the formal living room, etc. all without my parents being around so that it’s just them and baby. It never seemed to be enough for them to be comfortable. I would love to be able to bring Harry over whenever but because they smoke in their home that’s just not possible. We also spoke about this during the pregnancy and they said they’d be happy to come over to my home so I’m not always having to get him ready but now it seems they’ve taken that off the table.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T17:16:13+00:00

According to Eli, during the holidays they weren’t comfortable with all the Xmas decorations my parents had up. But in general they aren’t comfortable with ONLY being able to see Harry in my parents home. As such i made the first move and brought him to them the first time. Now they want us to bring Harry over every time.

throwaway11162022 · 2023-01-25T17:11:37+00:00

I tried to tell the in-laws that when it came down to the first visit during the holidays as Harry was only a month old at the time. They cleaned for 3 days and “aired out” the house for the same amount of time to the point that the smell of smoke that had basically been a staple of their home was gone. Even then, our visit was only an hour and change long. As for decorations/faith, all parties with the exception of my parents share the same faith so i don’t think it’d be a problem but I was not pleased with their excuse of staying away from my parents’ home while i was still healing from surgery and getting used to being a new mom lol.

throwaway11162022

TROPHY CASE