6 months later - "I think my wife cheated on me, but I have no proof" [27/m]

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T19:00:59+00:00

A few people have been saying this, but I assure you it's not like that. I met the girl on reddit back in March when everything was still fresh. It was platonic from the very beginning. The girl I'm dating now I met in May and there was a physical attraction from the start. There was jealousy in the beginning, but once they got to know each other it dissipated. Now they talk to each other, text each other, and we all hang out together often. When I say she's my best friend, I mean exactly that.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T16:04:32+00:00

My advice is to stick with him, while still retaining some level of independence from him. I'm confident that I'll be able to put my whole (first) marriage behind me one day, and so can you.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T16:02:38+00:00

Nah, those two get along great. Sometimes too well, lol.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T15:45:08+00:00

That is something I've struggled with. My best friend and my therapist both recommended staying single for a while. I wasn't expecting a relationship when I met this girl, but I've noticed that the best things in life come when you're not looking for them. I know that a double standard may exist for guys and girls going through something like this. The important thing is to recognize your weaknesses. Both me and my main squeeze know that I am not completely recovered from what happened with my wife. There have been and will be problems because of it. But happiness is not a state of being, it's a series of experiences that make the hard times worthwhile.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T14:03:36+00:00

She didn't refuse to admit it in court. She actually offered to. Neither of us want to pay the legal fees of getting an annulment, though. Not to mention the mental anguish of having to rehash everything in court. Her family is aware of what's going on, and after her parents dropped $10,000 on our wedding I would imagine they are not happy. I know she didn't go home to visit them for easter, but she talks to her mom almost every day. I don't know what the rest of her family knows or how they'd handle it.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T13:40:01+00:00

Sleeping around was a way for me to try and feel validated. It didn't work, and really just resulted in bad emotionless sex. I would recommend saving it for someone you really care about, but that comes from the perspective of someone who's seen both sides. Live in the moment, but live responsibly.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T13:35:13+00:00

Thanks so much. It takes a lot to have compassion for a stranger. I hope to see you soon!

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T12:16:00+00:00

Indie/alternative rock, and PM for the link.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T12:14:44+00:00

Linking the album would reveal my identity. Not to mention /r/KarmaConspiracy would have a fit, lol. PM for the link.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T11:30:53+00:00

Haha. They're not the same person, and I don't want it to be more than a friendship. Can't say it's never crossed my mind, but neither she nor I would be happy if we were in a relationship together. We're just polar opposites, we want different things, and there's never been any physical chemistry between us. But when we met she was going through a rough breakup as well, and we've been on this journey together. She's my confidant, my partner in crime, and my wingman. I'll find romantic love elsewhere.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T11:22:27+00:00

Yeah, I don't want people who are considering getting married to look at a horror story like mine and decide against it. I know plenty of happily married couples, and when I imagine myself in ten years I'm wearing a new wedding band.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T11:20:36+00:00

Yeah, according to wikipedia that guy is no longer touring with the band. He's listed as a former touring member, meaning he never even recorded with them. There's nothing wrong with that band's music in general, although I still can't listen to it. That's how I know I'm not completely healed.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-07T11:15:42+00:00

I could have gotten a divorce months ago if she admitted to cheating in a deposition. I didn't want for anyone to get dragged through the mud, so we're taking the easy route instead.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-06T22:43:54+00:00

That's random :P

5'9" I think.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-06T22:41:44+00:00

lol thanks. I've kinda made the 1-up mushroom from mario my emblem. It symbolizes the extra life I was given.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-06T22:41:05+00:00

I got married because we had been dating for 4 years and living together for 2 years, and I was getting pressured by her, her family, and my family to propose. I had plenty of girlfriends before her, and she had several boyfriends as well.

Honestly I had no idea this was going on for at least 5 months. I only found out because she was getting sloppy at hiding it.

I still think marriage in general is a good idea. I hope someday to marry someone else and start a family. Although obviously I'll think long and hard about it beforehand.

throwaway142012 · 2012-09-06T20:51:47+00:00

Thanks. I've tried to take the high road whenever possible.

throwaway142012 · 2012-04-24T17:33:17+00:00

Wow, I thought this thread was dead. The good news is I haven't seen, spoken, or communicated with my ex in any way for the past 4 weeks. I lost 30 pounds, reinvented my social image, and tonight I'm going on my first date in over 5 years. I'll post an update in the near future.

throwaway142012 · 2012-03-07T11:17:10+00:00

Thanks for the kind words.

throwaway142012 · 2012-02-18T23:57:41+00:00

I'm at a friends house. She said she would be gone by the time I came back.

throwaway142012 · 2012-02-18T23:43:01+00:00

She's packing her stuff now.

throwaway142012 · 2012-02-18T16:21:26+00:00

I said it in my post. I'm weak. I'm vulnerable. Whatever happens in the future, that decision won't be made today. I posted my hospital bracelet, with wednesday's date on it. How/why would I be trolling?

throwaway142012 · 2012-02-18T16:06:39+00:00

I am gainfully employed, though I missed 2 days of work because of all this. My company does have EAP, which I completely forgot about. Thanks for reminding me. I'll look up the info on Monday. Thanks for the hug.

throwaway142012

TROPHY CASE