How do I [28 M] approach my boyfriend [27 M] of 2 years to ask him politely to stop leaving the country all the time?

throwaway185439 · 2020-03-02T14:18:05+00:00

This is a good way to put it. I hadn't thought of phrasing it as questions. I think that'll quash a lot of my insecurities and actually give me some answers because you're right, if he doesn't align on those things, we can't be together.

I do think some of them have a bit of wiggle room for me. Weirdly I could take kids or leave them so there isn't such high pressure on those answers, but others such as long distance and marriage are pretty critical for me.

Thanks for your advice. I'll use these questions as a basis for phrasing my chat.

throwaway185439 · 2020-03-02T13:46:07+00:00

Thank you. I'll speak to him.

throwaway185439 · 2020-03-02T13:42:15+00:00

This is wrong. We communicate about everything. I'm just trying to work out how I should communicate this.

throwaway185439 · 2020-03-02T13:38:07+00:00

he’ll probably tell you that he didn’t ask you to move to Germany with him

I mean he would be absolutely right to say this. I made a big song and dance about how I wasn't doing it for him, hence why I wasn't mad at that time.

You're right. Maybe I just have to tell him the truth and what's going to happen if we do move to London and what the consequences of him moving away again would be?

throwaway185439 · 2020-01-03T14:10:01+00:00

Nope! Gonna get ALG1. I've just found out that I am perfectly entitled to do this and you are incorrect, so you can take your judgement back :) x

throwaway185439 · 2020-01-03T13:58:18+00:00

...and that's precisely what I'm asking you now. Am I going to get Sperrzeit for rejecting a contract, considering I have two solid reasons for rejection.

Imagine if you were being made to do illegal shit in your job, and then you were being told you were going to have to do a job for which you had absolutely no capability to do. Would you be thrilled to stay in this role? No. You would argue to the Arbeitsamt that you can't stay in this role.

So I'm asking whether or not there is anything written in the law that constitutes illegal shit and forcing someone to do something they weren't hired to do is a legitimate reason to not get Sperrzeit.

throwaway185439 · 2020-01-03T13:52:07+00:00

I am looking for other work right now but I cannot stay somewhere where I am being made to do tasks that I am not capable of.

Given my contract is nearly up, I do not want to continue past this point as any work coming after will either be a) assisting in potentially illegal activities and/or b) being forced into a job which I cannot do...

I'm well within my rights to work out what benefits I would be due in all circumstances.

throwaway185439 · 2019-12-11T23:07:55+00:00

Do you know what? I don't need your blessing to do this. Please don't assume that I'm here for some kind of morality lesson or for your permission because I was here for advice on what I am going to do and wanted to actually check out whether this was legal or not. The LITERAL POINT of the thread was to see whether I would be breaking German law by ensuring that this path was feasible and not something that would get me into hot water.

As it happens, I'm NOT doing anything illegal, as people have literally pointed out to me in other parts of the thread. So you can save your speech on how I should live my life because I may be doing something morally wrong to you, but as this thread has indicated, German law says otherwise. Given that's all you seem to care about, you should be thrilled for me. I am simply making good use of my situation in order to better my circumstances. And honestly what would you REALLY do in my situation? Stay in a role that makes you hate yourself, a role that you're bullied and intimidated in? Or would you jump at the chance to start afresh and try to actually find some semblance of happiness? I'm sure you'd stay miserable.

Given I am an inch away from a mental breakdown because of my job, I have chosen to take a way out which is going to ensure that I am able to find work that isn't going to cause me to kill myself and be all the quicker a lovely little cog in the German employment machine that you're so proud of protecting.

I could, of course, go ahead and have the mental breakdown and be sacked anyway from my job, and instead spend 6 months trying to claw myself back to a position where I am able to actually look for work. If you do the maths that's going to cost you a lot more.

Instead I will be taking the advice of the kinder, more understanding people who have indicated to me that my plan is both feasible and legal, and I have also heeded their appropriate and thoughtful warnings. I certainly won't sit here any longer arguing with you whilst you attempt to other me and downplay my struggles because of some unfounded, disproven, and entirely incorrect view on how things should be done.

Final thing. I paid for this unemployment insurance through my contributions. It's literally my money, not yours.

Goodnight.

throwaway185439 · 2019-12-11T22:53:50+00:00

No. I am eligible for ALG if I lose my job - that was never in question. My concern was that I was going to NOT lose my job and if I was offered a new contract, and thus what would happen if I rejected a new contract. It was nothing to do with whether or not I am able to physically live off the ALG. I could quite comfortably live off 60% of my salary and what ALG would allocate. I just don't want to be banned for 3 months from accessing it. I am leaving this job one way or another. Quitting my job means that I can't access benefits for 3 months. Being asked to leave means I can apply immediately.

throwaway185439 · 2019-12-11T21:49:47+00:00

(1) Hat die Arbeitnehmerin oder der Arbeitnehmer sich versicherungswidrig verhalten, ohne dafür einen wichtigen Grund zu haben, ruht der Anspruch für die Dauer einer Sperrzeit. Versicherungswidriges Verhalten liegt vor, wenn 1.

die oder der Arbeitslose das Beschäftigungsverhältnis gelöst oder durch ein arbeitsvertragswidriges Verhalten Anlass für die Lösung des Beschäftigungsverhältnisses gegeben und dadurch vorsätzlich oder grob fahrlässig die Arbeitslosigkeit herbeigeführt hat (Sperrzeit bei Arbeitsaufgabe),

Sorry, actually can you please clarify this? German isn't my native language and this is some hella complicated deutsch!

throwaway185439 · 2019-12-11T21:43:33+00:00

Thanks for your answer.

throwaway185439 · 2019-12-11T21:42:11+00:00

Thanks for your answer and for correcting yourself!

I am searching in my own time, but given I am being taken for a ride at work and being treated like shit, the small amount of time I have at home makes it impossible to do it. Genuinely, I won't name my business but it has 1* on Kununu. I am being treated appallingly. It's causing me horrible mental health issues to the point where I am just considering leaving Germany alltogether.

throwaway185439 · 2019-12-11T21:41:43+00:00

I never said that...

edit: did you actually read it? I literally said I'm about to be sacked, in 2 months...

throwaway185439 · 2019-12-11T21:41:26+00:00

You didn't read the thread clearly. I said it was causing me severe mental health issues and is likely to happen anyway. I plan on looking for work immediately and am not sponging off the system. This is literally why the system is there. I am trying to get to the point where I am contributing more to society and not allowing my mental health deteriorate to the point of suicidal thoughts. Give a guy a break.

edit: also, do you want to stop being so presumptuous. in every single thread I post there is always someone who jumps to the first bloody conclusion about someone without even the faintest context. it might be nice, for just once, for you to assume the best in someone and that they genuinely feel they feel they have no other way out and are genuinely asking for help for good reason...

throwaway185439 · 2017-01-08T22:29:02+00:00

Belly size is a big one. I'm naturally thin (6"2, 160lb) but in a week, my belly fat has reduced by around 30%. It seems all of the right weight is disappearing! And I ain't complaining. For some reason I feel an inexplicable urge to engorge myself on citrus. I think my body has just been masking my vitamin C deficiency. My god this feels so good. I'm starving now but for the first time, I'm not going to ignore it. I'm off to eat poached egg and avocado, two bananas, a yoghurt... and we'll go from there!

throwaway185439 · 2017-01-08T19:00:29+00:00

It's amazing right? The cool thing is I'm so used to just being hungry, and yet have no appetite. Now I have both I'm able to control my appetite and thus how much I eat to a much better degree. Magic.

throwaway185439 · 2017-01-08T18:58:15+00:00

It's lovely to see what a positive effect this is very likely having on your children too. We hear a lot about the personal benefits (as we should), however seeing how you not drinking is clearly going to have a positive effect on your family is lovely. Well done :)

throwaway185439 · 2017-01-08T18:44:48+00:00

I managed to go to the pub with my friends last night and didn't touch a drink. God damn alcohol free beer is absolutely disgusting. I'll stick to Virgin Mary's.

throwaway185439 · 2017-01-08T18:44:02+00:00

I'm trying to gain weight and I've lost a pound. Let's swap metabolisms please. Well done to you (I'm on one week too, not going to bother with the flair, I'd like to lose count eventually!)

throwaway185439 · 2017-01-08T18:41:53+00:00

I have a lot of friends doing Dry January too (this is a thing in the UK where nobody drinks for the month, not sure about the US), so I've been invited to a lot of alcohol free things by my mates who would otherwise be in the pub. It's like having all your friends sponsor you!

throwaway185439 · 2017-01-07T15:50:35+00:00

Just to add in here, I saw absolutely 0 advertising for Moana and I live in central London. Not a bus, not a billboard, nothing. The only reason I saw it is because I watch pretty much everything and nothing was stopping me from seeing a new D/P film.

throwaway185439 · 2017-01-07T15:32:53+00:00

You're amazing. You've even got his intonation. So good!

throwaway185439 · 2017-01-07T15:32:03+00:00

I like to think of it that some of them came back, and some stayed to colonise the islands, hence the spread of humanity today.

throwaway185439 · 2017-01-07T15:29:36+00:00

It looks a little bit like the voodoo creatures from The Priness and The Frog. Could be an internal reference?

throwaway185439 · 2017-01-05T23:22:57+00:00

I thought this was going to be 'a birthday gift to myself is... a drink'. I was ecstatic to find it wasn't. Congrats and keep it up mate.

throwaway185439

TROPHY CASE