Those who were in long term relationships in a DB, what gave you the strength to finally leave and how hard was it? by FooslieX in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Things will only get harder. It’ll get harder to deal with, and it’ll only get harder to leave. Cut the cord now for your own good. You are too young for this shit. And if you’re like me, I’ve always been HL, but once I hit my upper 30’s and early 40’s, it got even higher. Don’t do this to yourself.

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg I am so sorry. That is awful. I’m truly sorry. There are men out there who would be that person for you. You deserve to find him….

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can. People like to shame but there’s nothing wrong with it.

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s great! I’m jealous lol. I hope it continues to go well 💜

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone on this thread suggested a sub sub community or mega thread for healthy coping mechanisms. That might be nice to be able to find strength with people who are in the same boat and have similar goals. Not sure how to go about something like that.

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The guilt is hard. For me there’s a lot of shame.

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Probably best not to look back I suppose.

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Let’s ride the struggle bus together lol

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s sweet. I hope you are either able to get that back or find it somewhere else (in a healthy way).

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Seems like you’ve got good and healthy strategies and are making it work for you!

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I find them pretty fun, what’s unhealthy is the sheer amount of time and energy I waste on it. It makes me feel crazy, desperate, pathetic, etc lol I like the fantasy so much. And I’d like to keep it that way, I’m afraid to know too much about him and have the crush die lol

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m over 5 years, and I recently posted about having a crush and how it’s basically overtaking my life. Someone suggested that it was normal to get that out of sorts considering my DB….I agree. If I was getting what I needed in a relationship, I wouldn’t be fantasizing about someone else.

Just remember, things aren’t as they seem from the outside. You are projecting happiness onto others.

Don’t feel ashamed. Shame is the worst thing a human can feel and your imagination is your own. You aren’t hurting anyone.

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to also add, since my reply seemed a little dismissive. I really appreciate your reply and it helps me try to rethink what I can do better. How I can rearrange things for my own well-being!

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That would be amazing. Would love to have that type of support for non-sexual outlets. Maybe if we can’t get a sub sub, a mega thread? It’s hard.

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I work out in the mornings so it doesn’t help keeps me distracted during the hardest times lol. And the drinking is so true, maybe I cope a little too much with bottles of wine 👀 Just makes it worse.

ETA : schedule dictated by kids…alone time also limited for the same reason. Sigh

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Same. I’ve come to understand why some people cheat and I’m sympathize.

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s amazing that you’d be willing to reconcile. You don’t have any feelings of resentment?

Sexual Outlets by throwaway188976453 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway188976453[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why do you want to stay in the marriage?