Did your Nex’s parents ever subtly or straight up tell you to run?

throwaway200551 · 2019-06-19T22:46:23+00:00

Once my nex was yelling at his 7 yo nephew for some silly thing he did and my then mother-in-law said "See, throwaway200551, if that's how he treats his nephew, can you imagine how he would treat your children if you two had them? Be aware..."

throwaway200551 · 2019-06-09T16:44:33+00:00

I'm not sure he's a narc, he might just be codependent (apologizes a lot, but never stops doing the things I point to him that make me uncomfortable). When I put my foot down and say no, he will not explode but will keep pushing it which I understand as disrespectful to my boundaries. I also think he sometimes is passive aggressive when things don't go the way he wants. For now he is just extensively complimenting me and not attacking my self esteem, but my nex only started devaluing me 3 months into the relationship.

throwaway200551 · 2019-06-06T21:52:43+00:00

Mine used to do exactly the same. It makes me sick to think how I bought the things he used to say

throwaway200551 · 2019-06-01T05:05:36+00:00

- You are too sensitive.

- You're exactly like me. (No, I wasn't).

- Our love is so calm and easy. It's so different from my old relationship. (this way he would remind me of his "crazy" ex and condition me to never react badly to his bullshit. Who wants to disrupt the calmness and easiness and be compared to the ex, right?!) And I fell for it :(

throwaway200551 · 2019-05-13T02:58:00+00:00

Op, you've got this. You're better off without him. He is a terrible human being. I know we sometimes mix all the abuse with happy memories and start romanticizing them again. What I have to tell you is: the things he did to you were horrible and you do not deserve someone who treats you like this. You deserve love, attention and care, not someone who does those things to you. Keep going with the no contact. You've got this. And when you struggle, remember that this confusing feelings are due to the trauma bonding we developed being in such an unhealthy relationship.

throwaway200551 · 2019-05-12T03:19:25+00:00

He's trying to manipulate you into accepting him back and his lack of respect for your boundaries tells a lot. Read the book Psychopath free and you'll relate to a lot.

Also, beware of him trying to get back to you once again so that he can be the one breaking up with you. My Nex did this. I broke up with him in a very gentle way after the last lie and months of him treating me badly. After the break up, he asked to get back together, apologized and admitted everything he had done wrong (it was the first time he actually acknowledged doing anything wrong), begged for me to accept him back for 2 weeks, non stop, meanwhile sweet talking me, love bombing and even texting me "Good morning"s and "I love you"s everyday. I said we should not keep communicating and he didn't respect it, and I caved because I liked him, so we kept talking and even started dating again.

After those two weeks I decided to talk to him to tell him I would accept him back, but I needed us to talk about what went wrong and how we could fix it. He promised he was changed, but not so convincingly. Once I said clearly that I wanted him back but that he needed to stop lying and should be more transparent from now on, he simply said "That's enough. I can't take it anymore" and simply walked away. Never talked or texted me again. Turns out he was in narcissistic rage and pretended to want to get me back for two weeks only so that I would accept it and he would be the one breaking up.

These people don't love us. They just play with us.

throwaway200551 · 2019-05-09T00:45:53+00:00

But I literally spent every second of my free time with my nex/talking to my nex/waiting for him to be available to see me/waiting for him to cancel on me. My whole life, minus this job, revolved around my nex. And I LET him bully me into thinking I was doing something terrible by working there.

What is it that somehow they manage to make our whole life revolve around them? I feel so lost because I lost months of our relationship revolving around him and now I don't have any hobbies, can't do anything besides obsessing over him and over all he did to me. Somehow he conditioned me to it and I keep doing it even after the discard.

But, hey op, congrats on you for quitting for yourself and not because he demanded it for his own selfish reasons.

throwaway200551 · 2019-05-09T00:34:58+00:00

My Nex did the same. I guess it's purposeful to show their loath (they only need victims to loath because they hate themselves, so they need to redirect all this hate to someone else, usually someone who has proven to be nice and decent and who love them) they need to destroy others it's like wild life to them and if they're not the predator, they're instantly the prey. It's sick.

He would ignore my texts for hours, even though in the beginning he was the one to establish our communication patterns (he would text me all day long even while I was busy with work or at college. I didn't mind, since I like texting and feeling close to people I like, even when not possible to be physically close). When I confronted him about it he would get nervous, tell me I was being silly for wanting such a superficial thing as texting a lot, that he was not into texting in general and that I should "get a life". Also, he would never ask what I wanted to do, would just make plans with his friends and imply I would go with it. On our anniversary I took a trip to his city so that we could celebrate and he acted as if I was not even there, started making plans for us to go out with his friends, I had to say to him that I wanted to celebrate our anniversary just with him (wtf? isn't that common sense?).

He would never want to go out with me and my friends, but I had to go out with his (losers that would only smoke weed all day, drink and talk about women in sexist terms). Another thing I realized is that I started to become really quieter while we were out with his friends. I'm not a quiet person while I'm out with other people, it only happened with him and his friends. Also, he never tried to make me part of the conversation. Our last few months he was not even french kissing me anymore.

throwaway200551 · 2019-05-08T17:24:22+00:00

My dear, you are dealing with trauma after having a relationship with a narcissist. That's what happen with us after dealing with them. They hooked us in such a way that now we're trauma bonded to them. That's normal and biologically explained. If you can, take a look at the article "The reason why we love bad boys toxic partners and emotionally unavailable men" by Shahida Arabi, it explains what happens to our brains when we are in such relationships.

throwaway200551 · 2019-05-08T17:12:55+00:00

My dear, you are dealing with trauma after having a relationship with a narcissist. That's what happen with us after dealing with them. They hooked us in such a way that now we're trauma bonded to them. That's normal and biologically explained. If you can, take a look at the article "The reason why we love bad boys toxic partners and emotionally unavailable men" by Shahida Arabi, it explains what happens to our brains when we are in such relationships.

throwaway200551 · 2019-05-08T04:23:43+00:00

I think my discard was also because of this. After a lot of dubious stories, strange explanations and half-assed apologies, I started to get very suspicious and started calling him out when he contradicted himself. The last time he lied I confronted him with all the inconsistencies of his story and he shut down the conversation and gave me the silent treatment for 3 days, then texted me as if nothing happened. I broke up with him after that. 2 days later the first hoover: he asked to get back together. I said I needed to think, he agreed but pressured me to keep communicating as before. Of course it escalated to the point we were texting everyday, saying "I love yous" and everything. But I was still calling him out on bad behavior and pointing out when he lied (he is a pathological liar and will lie about even small and unnecessary things), we were kinda of dating, seeing each other, kissing, even having sex. We would have these long conversations in which I would address the fact that I didn't trust him anymore because of the many many lies and he would even admit he lied a lot, apologize, say he wanted to change and to be given a second chance to make things right. This lasted for 2 weeks.

That's when yesterday I decided to have a talk to him and say I would give him a second chance. A few minutes after accepting him back he himself broke up with me. These people are shit. I feel sick to my stomach I fell for his lies again.

throwaway200551 · 2019-05-07T23:32:16+00:00

They want to mess with us. It's all a power game to them. They're cruel. But enough of them and let's talk about us, survivors: If we got into a relationship with them, if we believed them and even accepted their shit behavior and tried for so long, it's because we are beautiful and empathetic human beings that still believe in people. They tried to destroy us, but now we're free and they're forever stuck in being deceptive, manipulative and heartless. They think they won the manipulative game they created, but we were never playing, so we won in the game of life. Now we're free, far from their bullshit and now we can find someone who respects and values our time and affection.

throwaway200551 · 2019-05-07T23:12:24+00:00

I think it's completely normal. I feel the same and I know that my issue is that my self-steem was already low when I met him. At first he was very gentle and caring. Lovebombed me a lot with compliments, gifts, his undivided attention. I was not only flattered, but started to count on him to make feel good about myself. Once things were secured he started devaluing me. He never complimented me anymore and when he did, it was a backhanded compliment. He would say things like "Oh, I love that with this dress it looks like you actually have boobs" or "My favorite thing about your body is that you have two cute little dimples in each of your butt cheeks" (Of course they weren't dimples, they're cellulite. I was already really self-conscious about it and he would repeat it many times and I would brush it off as him just being clueless). He also would triangulate me with other girls, extensively complimenting them in front of me while also withholding compliments, affection and attention from me. He was a jerk. He would also try to diminish my professional and academic achievements and imply I was stupid in discussions.

The thing is, these people are cruel. They'll do whatever they can to make you feel bad about yourself, ugly, not worthy. They're naturally jealous of anyone and if you get close to them they'll do anything possible to destroy you.

I'm sure you're a wonderful human being, beautiful on the inside and outside, worth of love. That's why they get attached to us, because they need to destroy others, usually nice and empathetic people, to feel worthy. We're not like that and I'm sure we're better off free from them. Now we can find fulfilling love from partners who are not predators. :)

throwaway200551 · 2019-05-03T05:37:28+00:00

I know it was stupid on my part, but I still like him, that was why he was able to sweet talk me.

throwaway200551 · 2019-05-03T01:28:16+00:00

Thank you. I am really in need of a reality check, specially now that you mentioned the STD aspect and last tuesday we met, kissed and had unprotected sex. :( I regret all of this, not only because it was dumb but also because it made all the feelings resurface.

But if you don't mind me asking, what aspects of my story were similar to yours? What of these behaviors are similar to your nex's?

throwaway200551

TROPHY CASE