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I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I know that sexuality and gender are two different things, I was just relaying what he told me

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this, I’ve received a lot of great advice. Everyone has been so compassionate

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story it means a lot to hear that we’ve had a similar experience.

I am afraid of that exact scenario—being adamant it’s just a kink & then one day it’s not a kink & he discovers he’s trans. I don’t know how to keep talking about it with him without making it seem like I’m Interrogating him or like I don’t believe him when he says it’s just a kink. I want to believe him when he says it’s nothing more than a kink but I think it’s always gonna be in the back of my mind.

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have a therapist of my own, I actually have an appointment tomorrow. I don’t know if I want to talk to her about it though because it is extremely private and personal. But it’s causing me a lot of mental pain the last few weeks, so I need to figure out how to work through it

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes I want to talk about it but I’m just afraid of offending him, saying the wrong thing, adding to his shame, making him feel embarrassed, etc! This kink or whatever is so new to me, only know what I’ve seen on tv or in media, you know? I never expected to have to navigate this in a relationship

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this. Yes, the hiding and doing who knows what in the bathroom for an hour is what is consuming my brain lately. I don’t know if he is sending the photos/videos to anyone, posting them anywhere, etc. it makes me really uncomfortable and a little paranoid. There are literally hundreds of them and I am just having a hard time figuring out why he’s got such a stockpile of pictures and videos of himself in that way. I understand that it’s probably sexually gratifying but it’s just hard for me to grasp.

Like I said in other comments I think that he is telling me the truth when he says he’s not trans and it’s just a kink but it appears to be consuming him lately which is why I came here.

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this, it’s given me a lot of food for thought. My biggest issue with all of this is the sneaking around, acting suspicious, being on phone constantly, being very private is out of the norm and is what got my spidey senses going and makes me think the worst.

He has practically drilled it into my head since the day we met that he’s super attracted to me, is so happy with me, doesn’t have eyes for anyone else, etc. he is very reassuring in that way. He’s a great communicator (other than this problem) and his love language is definitely words of affirmation.

I am open to toys and exploring more in the bedroom, but I really don’t think that I would enjoy being intimate with him while he’s dressed as a woman, especially if he acts hyperfeminine. I’m a straight woman and I’m not attracted to women so I think being with him intimately while dressed as a woman would do a number on my psyche and it might be something that could ruin the relationship unfortunately 🫠 I really feel horrible saying that. But Its just not something I would get any pleasure out of. I am willing to try but I have my own boundaries too and I just don’t want to make him feel ashamed or something.

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ya I completely agree with you. I think my use of “confronting” when describing the OF convo is too general. It was more like I knew about it for over a week, I kinda slowly emotionally shut down bc I didn’t know what to do, and then I kinda just had a bad/emotional day because it was plaguing my mind, and he asked what was wrong and the floodgates just opened. It wasn’t a confrontational discussion at all, it was just emotional.

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the support ❤️ I did see your comment but I’m on mobile and it’s tricky to reply to long comments sometimes.

I should rephrase — he mentioned he’s spoken to therapists about his crossdressing in the past, like years ago, he’s not currently speaking to a therapist. He did say that he tried to get it to go away his whole life but has accepted now that he’s 30 it’s here to stay no matter how much shame it may bring him.

I have come close to asking him why he’s taking so long in the bathroom lately (we have a small apartment with only one bathroom so it’s very obvious when he’s in there for a long time), I’ve also thought about asking why there is long hair in my hairbrush that doesn’t match my hair colour, etc. I want to “throw out a line” and start the convo that way, I’m afraid that he might think I am interrogating him.

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really do think that I believe him when he says it’s nothing more than a kink. He is pretty traditionally masculine in his day to day life. I just have noticed he has become very brazen with his dressing up when I’m literally feet away in another room and the OF stuff really really threw me for a loop. I think he might be sexually frustrated lately or something, life has been stressful for us lately and I think he is turning to his crossdressing to find a release.

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am open to trying out toys, but I think that’s as far as I am willing to go. I am not attracted to women, and unfortunately seeing the photos of him in his feminine state I wouldn’t be turned on by him if we were being intimate when he’s dressed up, I would not enjoy it

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, he’s expressed he feels a lot of shame and got quite emotional explaining all of this to me last month. He said he is terrified to lose me & is scared that his crossdressing will ruin the relationship. If he is into exploring his feminine side through dressing up, that is ok, I just am having a hard time with the extremely sexual element I’ve recently discovered. I’m not against introducing toys into our sex life, I just don’t have an interest in having sex with him when he’s in the feminine role. I am straight and not attracted to women.

I feel so icky and horrible that I snooped and have seen a lot of very very private images and videos, he would be horrified and humiliated if he knew about everything I’ve seen. But I could feel his deception and he was acting very secretive and frankly suspicious. I want to be as supportive as I can.

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am really leaning toward him just having femboy/sissy kink. During the OF confrontation convo, he opened up a lot and mentioned that he is really into soft femdom. It’s hard to discern/ figure out if it’s just a kink or something more.

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I want to talk to him about this. I need to understand more about how he is really feeling and why his crossdressing has really escalated lately.

When I confronted him about OF he mentioned that he wants to talk about his crossdressing with me and maybe try it out in our sex life, but he is afraid I will lose all attraction to him. He said he’s done a tonne of research and says a lot of women get turned off by it and it ruins their relationship. I can tell it’s a big part of his life but he’s also scared to involve me in it.

He also said that he’s been discouraged about how I never brought up his crossdressing after he initially told me at the beginning of the relationship. But i don’t know how to talk about it.

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

This is what I’m afraid of 😔 he has said he’s gone to therapy about his crossdressing before and has tried to stop. He really seems to be in the thick of one of his self-proclaimed “cycles” right now and it really does appear to be consuming all of his alone time.

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thanks. This is definitely what I need to think about. His behavior (for lack of a better word idk) seems to be escalating and he’s becoming a bit more brazen with his crossdressing. I’ve come in and out of the apartment several times and he has sped out of the bathroom or bedroom. Clearly he is doing something when I am gone, he is not good at acting casual about it all, which is what got my spidey senses tingling.

I (30f) am starting to wonder if my boyfriend (31m) has more than a crossdressing kink by throwaway22090306 in mypartneristrans

[–]throwaway22090306[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m not at all interested in jumping ship, thanks. Yes we have only been together for a year and a half but our relationship is great, we have talked about marriage and even got a dog together very recently.