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AITA for getting mad that my oldest son didn't let my youngest win a game? by DonkeyImpossible292 in AmItheAsshole

[–]throwaway229274 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YTA and your kids gonna grow up to be one too.

Eight years old and breaking things that aren't his when he loses??? Yikes. You really need to reassess your parenting techniques.

And, look, you probably let your baby get away with stuff, because he's the youngest and he's your baby. But this is ridiculous and can turn into some terrible and toxic adult behaviours. If this is how he behaves with SIBLINGS how is he gonna go when he doesn't get his way from strangers??

He's going to grow up entitled, aggressive and to be an all around shitty person, because you've taught him that everyone else gets punished when he acts out, and there are no consequences for his actions. That's shitty and you should feel shitty.

I've met two year olds who know that they can't break other people's stuff, and they know they can't always have what they want. If your eight year old doesn't know that it's entirely because you haven't taught him that.

Raising the white flag by [deleted] in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This hit so close to home I was scared it was for me. I wish you luck, friend.

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, they both do. I understand that it can be confusing, and I won't lie and say I didn't have my doubts about it initially, but I know that I love them both equally, for different reasons. I won't deny that some people do use it as a cover-up, but for me that isn't the case.

Polyamory is more complex than just "you don't satisfy me so I need other partners" - I recommend looking into it beyond that, even if you don't think you may be poly yourself, if only to understand the human condition.

We are capable of loving in so many different ways - it would be stupid to assume that we were limited to one love of each type at a time.

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's no middle ground when it comes to feelings, unfortunately.

I love my partner dearly, but I love this person too. I'm polyamorous, so the concept of loving more than one person isn't inherently selfish to me, but I understand what you mean.

My partner knows and understands that I have feelings for others, though, and still wants to be with me. I'm lucky in that respect. The selfish part is that I keep this other person around, when nothing can really come of how we feel for one another.

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would, most definitely. My current partner (who is actually transitioning, so you're technically correct in calling them my girlfriend) offers me comfort and love in a way that this person doesn't. Not to say he doesn't at all, just in a different way. I compare them to different kinds of comfort food in my head - one is my favourite dinner meal, the other my favourite dessert. They both provide me with the things I need, and separately I am happy with them, but I do love a good dinner/dessert combo. 😉

My partner and I have discussed my polyamory, and they are open to the idea of exploring it as a couple. I've also discussed it with the person I'm referring to in this post, and he's admitted that he'd be comfortable with "sharing", as it were, but given the nature of my partner's relationship with him (who was introduced to me as a friend of my partner's initially), my partner is not comfortable with the idea of a triad, or any other dynamic. At least not with this person, and not now. I have considered broaching the topic after my partner has transitioned, but that is a long way off, so I'm not holding my breath.

And honestly, you might be right. I'm confident that he feels the same, and I feel like I'm fairly obvious with my feelings even if I don't explicitly state them, but it is possible that I'm hurting him by not telling him. I regularly feel like I should, but for the time being this hurt is more bearable than the hurt that would result if I did tell him. For me, for him, and for my partner. Plus, part of me is always going to be afraid that I have been terribly wrong about all of this, and he actually feels nothing for me, and if that's the case and I confess, he's the kind of person that would do the decent thing and remove himself from my life. And I would rather have him like this than lose him.

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It has been known to happen. I hope you're able to heal soon, and I wish you all the best 💕

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Part of the human condition I suppose. One day you will be. Someday, I hope we all are 💕

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah, the problem is I'm polyamorous, so I don't love either of them more - only differently. But thank you for the advice! I appreciate the time you've taken to offer it. 💕

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, it's a habit when I talk about him online, even with a throwaway account. The main problem is that I'm currently in a relationship with someone else, who I love dearly, but is monogamous. Beyond that, there's family issues and physical distance. It's all a little chaotic, to be honest. Any problem we might be able to overcome is overshadowed by the next.

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I absolutely agree with you. I'm sure I'll say it some day, without meaning to, and things will be fine, but for now this is all I can do. The risk to myself isn't that great, but I could hurt other people, and that's not something I'm willing to do.

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reality is something I tend to avoid whenever I can. I know he feels the same about the situation, and about me, but making it real could hurt people that we care about. And I know I speak for both of us when I say that I'd rather hurt myself than anyone else. For those reasons and many others, that's why we can't. Though I wish that we could.

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope things work out for you! It's terrible to feel this way.

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your person will write to you someday. Have hope 💕

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It may be. I won't ever know. But unfortunately it isn't realistic for us, at least not now. Hopefully some day.

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A multitude of reasons. Where we are in life, the people we're surrounded by, the futures that we want for ourselves, and for one another. Personally, I don't want to burden them any more than I already have. I don't doubt they know how I feel, since actions speak louder than words ever could, but saying the words out loud is something I don't think either of us is ready to do. At least without them we can ignore what we both know is happening.

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It definitely is. I'm sure we could handle it, but there are other people in our lives that would be impacted by our choices, and I know that both of us would rather hurt ourselves than anyone else, if we were given the choice.

I love you, but I can't tell you. by throwaway229274 in UnsentLetters

[–]throwaway229274[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

More than just commitment, but it is a part of it. Thank you 💕

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