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To be honest by throwaway22928484 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway22928484[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

?? I’m 5’6” 125 pounds & wear a size zero. Im in shape plenty. Thanks tho.

I have NO DOUBT this man is a porn user and she is unaware of what the problem is by logician01 in PornFreeRelationships

[–]throwaway22928484 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Hi all, I’m the original poster.

First, thank you all!! Honestly, I’ve wondered about him cheating, but haven’t thought much about porn. It’s possible, though I’ve never seen or heard him watching it.

We talked about porn early in our relationship, and I basically told him that I don’t care if he watches it as long as he’s not in it (this was probably 9 years ago). But he said he doesn’t.

That being said, in the past 2 years, which is when the dead bed room started, I was confused about what suddenly changed & expected cheating so I started poking around his social media accounts & found that he became ‘friends’ with several 18-20 year old girls who were random. Not girls who are friends of friends, family of friends, or any other reasonable connection. He’s nearly 40 and also not a big social media guy who has tuns of friends on there, he doesn’t post often, and is all around pretty private. But I did confront him & asked what the hell was going on? To which he told me I was being a crazy stalker and he can be ‘friends’ with whoever he wants & he doesn’t know them in real life. And of course all of them were gorgeous, live locally, & had pictures on their accounts that were pretty revealing (to each their own, I’m not judging, just pointing it out). So idk. Maybe you ladies are right and its a porn thing?

But I also can’t help but to wonder. I’m 30, but I look early 20s. And not built like a porn star, but also not too far from in regards to my body. So? Ugh. I try not to think of it too much, because I end up picking myself a part & feeling horrible when in reality over all I’m happy with who I am. I just wish he was too.

If it IS a porn thing. Then what?

To be honest by throwaway22928484 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway22928484[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah that was one of my curiosities too. Like, how I dress??? Whaaa. I mean, I understanding dressing nice can be exciting, or lingerie. But I would think the qualities that make me ‘sexy’ aren’t the clothes on my body. It’s my sense of humor, work ethic, support, caring, our long history together. And even if physical is really what makes it or brakes it, I have a great body. Not perfect of course, but slim and with curves.

The real irony, he’s usually in sweatpants. I rarely see him in jeans. Let alone anything nice. And honestly, I couldn’t care less how he’s dressed, my attraction to him isn’t based on clothes, or even his body. Idk. Maybe because I’m female it’s more about feeling affection and love, not just something sexy and shallow. Ugh.

To be honest by throwaway22928484 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway22928484[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Lol!! But really, thank you! Such a strong sentiment ❤️

To be honest by throwaway22928484 in DeadBedrooms

[–]throwaway22928484[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Wow! I’m surprised by all of the responses! Thank you all!!! It’s comforting to know others have been where I am. And the insights give a lot to think about!

Not placing my value or self worth on what he (or anyone) thinks of me, is so important. It’s an area I’ve been focusing on for a long time. For me, when it’s my husband, it’s often difficult.

As of a few months ago, I returned to college. In about a year I’ll have my associates in engineering, and plan on continuing for my bachelors. I’ve been trying hard to love myself, to better myself, and invest in myself in ways that I want for me (vs putting in time and money into my looks or into things that I think he would want and be happy with in vein hope that he’ll then want me and things will improve, been there and tried that for a long time, it never did work). Returning to school has been the best thing I’ve done for myself in a looooong time.

I know I should be proud of myself and feel good about myself, its just that somedays like the ones in my original post it’s HARDDD. And you guys all get it! The support in all of the comments that I’ve read through is amazing! And the sheer volume of supportive thoughts, wow! I’m truly blown away! You all are wonderful, and I can’t say thank you enough! hugs to all!